Happy Father’s Day, Dad. I love you, and miss you. I’ve got your funeral card Blu tacked to the side of my bedside table, and there’s a huge portrait of you in the living room. Plus the two the pictures up the stairs of you with Leon and I. Oh, and the cross-stitch Tracey made Mam of one of your photographs.
Even after 17 years, we still miss you dearly, and we still think about you, and wonder what life would be like had you been here with us. You’re a grandad now too, so you can tell Buddy, and Elvis, and whoever else you’re up there with. Love you.
I thought I’d give y’all quick update on what’s occurring. I’ve finally started writing again, after an almost five month hiatus, and I painted my first miniature in almost the same amount of time.
I’ll upload a picture of the mini when I next get the chance. It’s a #eurekaminiatures Rhodesian African Rifleman painted in a generic olive drab.
Our Avian overlords, forever vigilant, always watching, never miss a thing, descendants of Dinosaurs, able to break arm with beak, (probably) able to abduct a child if they tried hard enough, and I for one welcome them with open arms. #staywoke#avianoverlords#godsofthesky#birds
After a bad start to the year, I’ve finally managed to find the motivation to walk into town on my own again. On Tuesday I walked into, and then home from, town. All told, that’s a 6 or 7 mile round trip. 2 hours I was out, but boy did I feel great for it!
I sometimes wonder if things will improve, I mean, they have to right? There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel, and if you can’t see that light you just keep moving forwards, right? If you lose hope, and give up, you’ll be stuck in the dark forever. Maybe the light is just round that corner there, or maybe it isn’t, but you’ll never know if you don’t look.
Of course, it’s easy enough to say ‘just keep on going’, but actually putting those words into practice can seem like such an impossible task. Some days it is, other days it’s a lot easier, but the difficulty is never consistent. You always have to adapt to the situation, often times more than once a day. You’re always on your toes.
For me, it’s been 5 years of almost constant depression, it’s been 5 years of psychosis, it’s been 5 years of constant self doubt, and I can honestly say that I don’t remember the last time I felt genuine joy or happiness. Constantly living life as though you’re expecting a jump scare in a bad horror film is the worst feeling ever.