"When you talk about an injury and the kind of depression you go through, it's not just because you're out of shape and you can't go out and play. You're missing a part of you. That's what's painful. That's what hurts." ~ Jamila Wideman
That quote hits the nail on the head. The physical discomfort is bearable, the day-in-day-out recovery grind is fine, but it's that missing piece that hurts. Been feeling it more than ever these last few weeks. It's been a year and a half now...still just dreaming of when I'll be able to train again. Miss it so much! I try to lean towards gratitude as much as I can when I'm feeling low, but it can be hard at times...you want to be grateful and upbeat but there's like this void. Just going to keep going to get that piece back again, no question about that.
I haven't posted in a while and I've been wanting to post for the last few days but have been hesitant because I don't want it to be like an appeal to sympathy. But today is @ruokday here in Australia so just felt like I should go ahead and post. And it always makes me feel a little bit better when I write stuff out and share with all of you.
It is ok to not always be ok! #ruokday
Repost @humansoftriathlon - Episode #15 of the H.o.T Podcast is now live at the link in our bio! 🔥🎙 This episode is a little different, with just the three co-hosts and no guest. As it has been over 3 months since we started the show, we decided to do a little recap sort of episode - looking back on the previous episodes, the highlights, our favorite moments & takeaways, the troubles of podcasting, what we hope to improve on/add in future episodes and just catch all you listeners up on what us hosts have been up-to.
15 episodes really went by quickly! Shout-out to all the guests who have come on so far, you all have made the show what it is. And obviously, a big thank you to all of you listening! We really hope you all are enjoying it. Would love to hear your thoughts on the show so far. So, just leave a comment below letting us know - what you've liked, who's been your favorite guest and why, your top takeaways, what you'd like to see more or less of, any constructive criticism, or really anything at all, we'd just love to hear from you.
Also, would very much appreciate it if you could do us a little favor by taking a minute and leaving the podcast a review in iTunes. The show has recently crossed 5k overall downloads and with your love and support, we hope to continue making it bigger and better!
Cheers and Keep Tri'ing! 🏊🚴🏃 #ordinarypeopleextraordinarypassion#humansoftriathlon
Something pretty crazy (good) happened the other day. I dragged myself to the pool for the short little swim I could do, 400 meters into it, as usual, the back was hurting too much, but thought I'd just finish up the 500m & then get out. On that last lap, something clicked, like literally, in my mid-upper back, while swimming, I heard & felt a click...and immediately it was like a release of my lower back, like something just unlocked after months! It was so crazy, the lower back felt so much better after that that I was able to continue the swim for a good K. Don't know what was finally able to release in my back, but the pain has moved too a slightly higher spot now & has even reduced by quite a bit. And the best part - I'm able to swim again without too much discomfort! I just swam 1500m today & over 3.7km (3 swims) in the week! The last time I was able to do any of that was over a damn year ago! I'm so pumped! I've been going to the pool consistently over the past 2 weeks, & I'm surprised by how quickly I'm regaining the feel for the water; if you swipe through the pics you can see the progress - gradually making my way back to the fast lane, haha. The biking & running are still a problem, but I've never been so excited about swimming! 😄 -
Everything else is going alright too - sleep patterns & habits are on point, the diet is going good, continuing to get in the rehab & stretches 4-times a day, doing some HIIT workouts. It's been such a long journey of recovery, I've come to embrace it & let it make me better & stronger as an athlete & person but I'm so looking forward to putting it behind me, & I can see that happening not too far in the future. Could use a few more of those miracle clicks though, haha.😅 -
Once again, thank you to all for all the support & wishes over these months. Appreciate you all very much. It's been inspiring to see all of you crushing training & races (or even recovering from your own injuries). And sharing your stories through @humansoftriathlon has been a pleasure. If you haven't checked out the page & podcast yet - do it NOW! This sport & its humans continue to amaze me everyday & keep me inspired. #humansoftriathlon 👊🏼
Hi everyone! Haven't posted in a while! As you can see in the pic, I'm pretty 👍🏼 . So, I recently visited a new doctor (another Osteopath itself), probably like the 20th doctor I've seen in the past year or so...and I have a really good feeling I won't have to look any further. Guys, I legit think this man will not only be able to fix me, but also take me to the next level. And I've had that feeling previously as well, but not this strongly! Only 10-mins into my first appointment with him, I just got this sense, this vibe...I just know it! Don't know how many of you believe in fate, but I actually believe that one of the reasons I haven't recovered till now is so my paths would cross with this guy. We're taking a much more holistic approach to everything now - from sleep to diet to relaxation to movement, not leaving any stone un-turned...in the process of making my days more systematic; or rhythmic, if you will. I've been learning and reading up on this more all-round approach. Along with all the mechanical issues, I'm convinced that whatever "incurable" chronic condition it is I'm dealing with, I have the power to reverse it. Lots of work still lies ahead, but I haven't been this excited about my health and fitness in a long time! 😁💪🏼 -
Short run in the laneways of Melbourne City this morning. I rarely run in the city here, but I've gotten this casual job as a running tour guide @runningtoursmelbourne, so was checking out one of the routes I've got to take called the Laneways Tour which takes you through streets filled with graffiti! Wanted to get a badass pic with all the epic art, but there were just too many people, so this was the best I could do.
How cool is this job though? Running along with other people/tourists from various parts of the world and showing and talking to them about this amazing city. Pretty damn cool if you ask me! Just hoping my body will allow me to do it regularly. If anyone's ever in Melb, hit me up and I'll be happy to give you a city tour by feet in your running shoes - because that's by far the best way to explore a city, don't you think?👟🏃👣👀🇦🇺🏙️🚫🚌😊 #runtoexplore
P.S - thanks to Tim (@triathlonislife) for making me aware of @runningtoursmelbourne. 🙂👊🏼 -
So, I had that Rheumatologist appointment today that I've been so impatiently waiting for. I've been told a few things - looking at all my symptoms, the doctor says they are suggestive of a chronic condition called Fibromyalgia which is hard to definitely tell because there isn't any sort of test for it exactly and neither is it something that can be cured - only managed. Along with that, somethings for sure are - Raynaud's Syndrome and Hypermobility Syndrome - again stuff that can only be managed not fixed. It's good to finally have some diagnosis of what I've been experiencing and hoping that there's not more to it.
From what I currently make of it, these conditions, although uncomfortable, are not necessarily what's preventing me from training & racing - I believe it's still the mechanical issues in the hip & lower back that we're just not able to correct. In fact, interestingly, given this condition of Fibromyalgia, not being active is what makes me feel really really crappy. For all I know, I've had this for a while, but because of the triathlon training it never really bothered me much. And once the injury struck and I backed off training all these symptoms worsened. 🤔 -
As for the steps to be taken, that's still unclear - will take some time to wrap my head around all this, understand & learn more, talk to my docs & move forward towards getting back to training/racing again! Will keep you all posted as much as I can! Thank you all a ton for your constant support, means so much! Special mention to @das_athlete - she has Fibro herself along with other auto-immune conditions & she's been a real help throughout. This post would have turned out a lot different if I didn't chat with her earlier. She literally gave me more information in a few texts than my doc did in 30mins! Was feeling so confused & overwhelmed before! Thank you, Stephanie! 😊 -
Oh & Happy Global Running Day! I love how this day is just a few days after World Bicycle Day! 🚴🏃 #makeeveryoneatriathlete 😉 -
And yesterday FB just reminded me that it's been exactly a year since I put a race bib on! #whyyoudothisfb ? 😭 -
Update: lot's been going on lately. My body has been acting pretty weird these past weeks. Along with all the injury stuff, I've been noticing all these weird symptoms - hands & feet are literally freezing, shaky fingers & these weird red-white blotches on my hands when exercising, dry mouth all the time, these occasional flashes in the corner of my eyes (which have been freaking me out the most), some brain fog (not great with exams coming up!) & what's messing with my head the most is - all I want to do all day is eat...& not because I'm hungry but because of this really weird urge. Just a few months ago, I basically lost my appetite & now, it's like I could eat anything all day which is getting very hard to control (I've actually gotten a damn belly - never before!), honestly, if it weren't for that athlete mindset & discipline, I would be eating all day long. Just eating in regular intervals & making sure even if I'm eating more than I need to that it's at-least healthy stuff. Also, trying to stick to meat, fish, nuts, fruits & veggies & reducing (not stopping) grains & dairy to see if that helps at all.
All of these things point to some sort of auto-immune disease. I really hope it's not the case, but if it is, I would really like to know what exactly. Seeing a Rhuematologist in 2 weeks time & praying he'll be able to tell me SOMETHING!
As far as my training goes - not 🏊, barely 🚴, but I'm motivated to 🏃, so I've been doing short ones which haven't been consistent either cause of my hip impingement (which I recently found out is because of my right leg being shorter than my left) my calves & shins are acting up too now. Strength & rehab is on, some days I really don't want to, but those really small wins daily are what are keeping me going right now. I'm doing everything I can do to get healthy & strong, guys! Not backing down! Ever. #wineveryday#notcomplaining#embracingthestruggle#gratefulforeverythingright
P.S - do checkout Ep. 1 & 2 of the @humansoftriathlon podcast (link in bio). I think starting @humansoftriathlon was one of the best moves for me selfishly. It's allowed me to stay connected & involved with this epic tri-community! #IGftw
Excited to finally get the @humansoftriathlon (H.o.T) podcast underway with Episode #0 launching yesterday (link in bio). This podcast is kind of a big step for me, in the sense that - my personality is such that - speaking, especially these kinds of conversations are not one of my strong suits...and that's particularly one of the reasons I chose to do it - to get out of my comfort zone and grow. You may be able to sense that discomfort of mine, especially in these first few episodes, but as we've recorded a few more, I feel like I'm getting more comfortable with the whole thing, a little at a time. Luckily I don't have to do all the talking and have a couple of awesome co-hosts with me (@charleshunk and @radmom_robin) who are making it easier! #gottostepoutofyourcomfortzone 💪🏼 -
Would mean so much if you would check it out and let us know how you like it. Make sure to follow @humansoftriathlon if you don't already and subscribe to the podcast cause we've got some great guests and stories coming your way! Have been loving digging deep into our guests journey's and mindsets! #staytuned 😁 -
P.S - Sorry I haven't been posting lately, still going through the whole rehab/injury grind and figuring a few things out. Don't know when I'll be back to posting regularly, but I surely will! 👊🏼
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Repost @humansoftriathlon: Excited to finally launch the H.o.T Podcast today! Episode #0 is now available to listen/download through the link in our bio; a short introduction episode where we talk about - who's behind @humansoftriathlon and how it got started, a little background of our three co-hosts (@triathlonswapneel, @radmom_robin and @charleshunk), what the podcast is all about, what you can expect in future episodes and more! Check it! [New episode every Monday!] 😁👊 -
Did my first 1k swim of the year today...and yesterday I had the longest and most amazing run I've had in a loong time, did 7-whole-Ks, felt so damn good! I'm able to get these little sessions in now without too much pain or discomfort (during the sessions at-least). Although, this is pretty much how I was feeling a few months ago as well, I wasn't doing these swim-bike-run sessions regularly up until now because I figured if I can't train hard or build up to training hard, there's no point in training at all really. Now however, I can see and feel the value in it. They really help in keeping you out of that victim mindset and build momentum as well. So, really grateful to be able to do these little sessions. Hopefully they'll turn in to the longer and faster miles soon, but till then my aim is to try and focus on what I can do rather than what I can't! 💪🏼 -
Just wanted to say a big thank you to everyone for all your support on/since my last post, means a lot and helps more than you all know! Have a fantastic weekend! 😊🙏🏼👊🏼
Some real talk:
Do you ever get the feeling like you're just swimming through thick, muddy water in life? You're doing everything you can or at-least think you are, but feel like you're going nowhere. Well, that's how I've been feeling for a while now. Stuck. Not happy. Right from a young age, I've always identified myself as a sportsman/athlete, pretty much ignored a lot of other things, and after the injury struck early last year and I've basically been sidelined from sport for so long, I've been feeling pretty lost as a person. I've been trying to figure myself out, asking myself these questions to which I have no answers and it just seems so overwhelming. And I know it's a never ending journey to answer those questions...but right now, it just feels like I can't do anything right, in any area of my life, no matter how hard I try. Been fighting these inner demons, you know - the ones that tell you that you're not and will never be good enough for anyone or anything. If I'm being completely real - just the other day things got too overwhelming and I had this silent breakdown, literally cried, some may see that as weak, others as strong. Honestly, don't care. I just needed to let it out! But the worst thing is - I hate feeling this way and feel kind of guilty because even though things may not be going right currently, neither are they going wrong and I know that I'm in SUCH a privileged position, in so many ways, relative to so many people out there! But I guess, that's what keeps me going as well. At the end of the day, I always feel so blessed. And there's always this tiny but deeply ingrained voice inside me that tells me I'm stronger than all of this and FAITH that everything is how it's meant to be. Also, don't think there's any other alternative but to keep trying your best. Who says you have to have it all figured out, right?
Phew, took some courage to get all that out! Not sure what the purpose of it all is...probably - if anyone else out there is dealing with anything at all, know that you're not alone, even though it may feel like it. PRACTICE GRATITUDE, it makes all the difference! And remember to BE KIND, always! 🙏🏼
A short run to the gym and a solid gym workout today. But more importantly, want to share some good news with y'all! Yesterday, I saw this new Osteopath and he's probably like the 15th person or so I'm seeing regarding this issue...and guess what? He told me what's up with me! He's the first person to confidently tell me what's going on with my body in full detail. He did tell me lots of stuff I already knew, but a few critical pieces of information that helped me connect the dots. 😄 -
To keep it simple: I've got Hypermobility Sydrome which basically means my joints have a range of motion that's unusually greater than normal. This much flexibility with lack of strength leads to problems. In my case, my initial TT bike setup and lack of flexibility/movement in my upper back and lack of strength in my lower back caused overuse and strain on my lower back for months. This combined with the hip impingement has just led to chronic over strain. 😒 -
The plan of action - not too different from what I've been doing, but now with more targeted exercises based on this new information. But I think what will make the difference is the fact that I know what I'm dealing with now! Because of which I'm finally able to visualize myself recovering, healing and getting back to full training...now as long as the doc is right (and I'm pretty confident he is), it's not going to be too long before my body follows along! 💪🏼 😊 -
First swim of the year! Yep, that's right, it's been 3 months since my last swim (which was on Christmas '17). Found the motivation again to head to the pool and swim, even if it takes longer for me to get ready and get there than the swim session itself. Today was just 500m...and it wasn't too bad. Obviously I've lost all my speed and endurance, but it was motivating to see that my stroke is still intact. Would have thought that after such a long break, my stroke would be totally broken, but it wasn't! So, now, I think I'll start with 1 or 2 swims a week, depending on how my back feels...just short sessions to work on technique. 💯 -
I've been seeing an Osteopath lately. Although the pain hasn't improved too much and still no solid diagnosis, she's told me to gradually get back to some swimming, biking and running while continuing the gym routine on the other days to see how I go. 💪🏼 -
Also, I think I'm ready to get back to posting regularly on Instagram again. Look forward to sharing with you all again! 😄 -
Was looking for some inspiration today so I opened up this epic custom medal hanger from @alliedmedalhangers - which is actually my first ever hanger. I pulled out all my old bling, dusted them off and hung them on, and it was just what I needed. Instantly put a smile on my face. 😄 -
Some great races, some okay and some ugly, but each and every medal up there is hard earned and worth it. However, it isn't about the 'medal', it's about what they truly represent. As they say - "Medals aren't really made of gold, brass or silver. They're made of sweat, determination and a hard-to-find alloy called guts!" Every medal represents the desire to continue and the refusal to give up. They represent all the lessons learned. They represent the passion, struggle, triumph, glory and so much more! 🏅 -
It's been a very long time since I've added one to the collection. Miss racing and all those race-day vibes more than anything! Don't know when I'll be back to it, but if there's one thing I can say after looking at these medals, it's that - I will. And I can't wait! 💪🏼 😊 -
Make sure to head on over to @alliedmedalhangers website (link in my bio) to get your very own custom-made medal hanger. Very simple to design and order! Available worldwide. Use coupon code "Swapneel" to get 10% off! 👊🏼 -