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    Thomas Gagliano, MSW
    @theproblemwasme

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#Repost @jennymccarthyshow had a great time on the show this morning! ・・・
Thomas Gagliano, always a great guest. Follow him on @theproblemwasme listen to today’s show OnDemand with the @siriusxm app! #Theproblemwasme
#Repost  @jennymccarthyshow had a great time on the show this morning! ・・・ Thomas Gagliano, always a great guest. Follow him on @theproblemwasme listen to today’s show OnDemand with the @siriusxm app! #Theproblemwasme 
If you repeat what you heard and your partner says, “No, that is not what I meant,” or “That’s not what I said,” you will be better able to clarify what was intended. Your partner may say, “I don’t feel like we should be spending money on luxuries right now,” but you may hear, “We can’t afford nice things,” or “I am not worth spending money on. You don’t care about what I want.” Don’t assume you know what your partner means. Listen to what he or she is actually saying.
If you repeat what you heard and your partner says, “No, that is not what I meant,” or “That’s not what I said,” you will be better able to clarify what was intended. Your partner may say, “I don’t feel like we should be spending money on luxuries right now,” but you may hear, “We can’t afford nice things,” or “I am not worth spending money on. You don’t care about what I want.” Don’t assume you know what your partner means. Listen to what he or she is actually saying.
We mistakenly take on our partner’s story as our own confusing our needs with theirs. We walk on eggshells with those in our family or in our relationships. We don’t say what we need or care for ourselves because we’re afraid of the effect on others. When in conversation with others, if our mind is inclined to think of the feelings of others instead of our own feelings, then we lose ourselves in the conversation.  #Theproblemwasme
We mistakenly take on our partner’s story as our own confusing our needs with theirs. We walk on eggshells with those in our family or in our relationships. We don’t say what we need or care for ourselves because we’re afraid of the effect on others. When in conversation with others, if our mind is inclined to think of the feelings of others instead of our own feelings, then we lose ourselves in the conversation. #Theproblemwasme 
Tune in to the “The Jenny McCarthy Show” on ch. 109 on SiriusXM this Monday, July 16th at 10:20am. We will be discussing how society makes men believe they shouldn’t be vulnerable with their partners and how it sabotages their emotional intimacy.
Tune in to the “The Jenny McCarthy Show” on ch. 109 on SiriusXM this Monday, July 16th at 10:20am. We will be discussing how society makes men believe they shouldn’t be vulnerable with their partners and how it sabotages their emotional intimacy.
Men develop an inner control to hold back their feelings. Because of society’s messages, young boys are unlikely to have male role models who give them permission to share their feelings. Even when they want to share their feelings, they have a fear of doing it wrong. The conversation going on between their ears is the one they should be expressing to their partner. #Theproblemwasme
Men develop an inner control to hold back their feelings. Because of society’s messages, young boys are unlikely to have male role models who give them permission to share their feelings. Even when they want to share their feelings, they have a fear of doing it wrong. The conversation going on between their ears is the one they should be expressing to their partner. #Theproblemwasme 
The partner who learns of the betrayal will go through various stages. The person betrayed will often develop a need to control the other to feel safe again. If she/he had control issues prior to the betrayal, these will be magnified. Unfortunately, attempting to control the other partner’s actions doesn’t serve as a remedy to fix the problem. It complicates the situation more. #Theproblemwasme
The partner who learns of the betrayal will go through various stages. The person betrayed will often develop a need to control the other to feel safe again. If she/he had control issues prior to the betrayal, these will be magnified. Unfortunately, attempting to control the other partner’s actions doesn’t serve as a remedy to fix the problem. It complicates the situation more. #Theproblemwasme 
Happy 4th of July -Let's celebrate this day with joy and happiness! 🇺🇸
Happy 4th of July -Let's celebrate this day with joy and happiness! 🇺🇸
A pattern of good choices, over time, leads to healthy habits and helps you take control of your life. Many men and women select a partner they think they can change. Many men and women select someone they think they can fix or control.  #Theproblemwasme
A pattern of good choices, over time, leads to healthy habits and helps you take control of your life. Many men and women select a partner they think they can change. Many men and women select someone they think they can fix or control. #Theproblemwasme 
We need to be willing to give up some of our self-defense mechanisms. They are part of our survival instincts developed in childhood. We continue to use them as adults because we don’t want to get hurt. #Theproblemwasme
We need to be willing to give up some of our self-defense mechanisms. They are part of our survival instincts developed in childhood. We continue to use them as adults because we don’t want to get hurt. #Theproblemwasme 
It’s the ability to change that presents the greatest opportunity for growth. #theproblemwasme
It’s the ability to change that presents the greatest opportunity for growth. #theproblemwasme 
People with very destructive behaviors have a more compelling need to rely on the power of a group. The actions they need to take are more critical , because the consequences of their actions are more life threatening to themselves and to those around them. #theproblemwasme
People with very destructive behaviors have a more compelling need to rely on the power of a group. The actions they need to take are more critical , because the consequences of their actions are more life threatening to themselves and to those around them. #theproblemwasme 
Wishing everyone a #HappyFathersDay!
If I wait until I feel like doing these actions I may never do them. #theproblemwasme
If I wait until I feel like doing these actions I may never do them. #theproblemwasme 
Self-compassion tells us we cannot change the past but we can use our past experiences as an opportunity to better change the here and now.
Self-compassion tells us we cannot change the past but we can use our past experiences as an opportunity to better change the here and now.
Only when we permit the window into our past to be opened, exposing the core of our adult difficulties, can we begin the healing process. #Theproblemwasme
Only when we permit the window into our past to be opened, exposing the core of our adult difficulties, can we begin the healing process. #Theproblemwasme 
“This imaginary guy on my shoulder has been with me a long time, as far back as I can remember. His motive for using the bat was to take a swing at me if I ever got the idea that I deserved to be happy or if I stumbled and made a mistake. He permitted me no margin for error.” To read more about overcoming your personal “Warden” click the link in my bio for “The Problem was me” Available on Amazon Kindle & Paperback!
“This imaginary guy on my shoulder has been with me a long time, as far back as I can remember. His motive for using the bat was to take a swing at me if I ever got the idea that I deserved to be happy or if I stumbled and made a mistake. He permitted me no margin for error.” To read more about overcoming your personal “Warden” click the link in my bio for “The Problem was me” Available on Amazon Kindle & Paperback!
If you and your partner are willing to work on your relationship, even the most challenged relationship can make it. I’ve seen it happen. If you met some of the clients that walked through my door you would never give them a chance at intimacy. Yet they found closeness with each other that they never thought possible. Then there are those clients that seemed to only need a little guidance yet they never got better. They refused to work on themselves. They wanted to be right and that’s all that mattered. If you are in a relationship with someone who needs to be right and isn’t willing to work with you, it’s time to make a decision. #Theproblemwasme
If you and your partner are willing to work on your relationship, even the most challenged relationship can make it. I’ve seen it happen. If you met some of the clients that walked through my door you would never give them a chance at intimacy. Yet they found closeness with each other that they never thought possible. Then there are those clients that seemed to only need a little guidance yet they never got better. They refused to work on themselves. They wanted to be right and that’s all that mattered. If you are in a relationship with someone who needs to be right and isn’t willing to work with you, it’s time to make a decision. #Theproblemwasme