This is my 'time to spend all my money on things I don't need' outfit... joking of course, I'm a grown up now so I budget carefully each month... JOKING again. I'm here all week 💁🏻
I NEVER used to budget, and in times when I didn't even know I was depressed I would just spend spend spend. Then feel guilty. And if I was having a ‘good’ day I'd treat myself to some new clothes. If I was having a bad day I'd cheer myself up with new clothes. It was a very irresponsible cycle and although I had this wardrobe full of beautiful things I wasn't leaving the house so it just made me feel worse. My SATC wardrobe was preparing me for a future I had no intention of living. I needed to actually working to heal myself and get better so I could live the reality. And I’ll tell you one thing, getting into debt is definitely not going to help you feel better. .
I'm pleased to say that now I'm more even my spending has certainly improved, and I'm much more aware of my relationship with money and the emotion I attach to it.
I actually did finally sit down to do a budget and although it's rough for now (baby steps people) it definitely has given me a better idea of how much 'spending' money I can play with each month.
It's so important to be aware of your 'coping' mechanisms that are actually allowing you to avoid facing the reality of how you feel inside. There's nothing wrong with enjoying nice things but it isn't healthy or good for your soul to be medicating emotional pain with the little hit of dopamine you get when you buy yourself something pretty.
Take the time to review your habits and your automatic responses to negative emotions, and particularly with things like spending and eating, it can be very revealing once you start to notice it.
Waking up from a nap to find a cake delivery is THE ONE 🍰🙌🏼 two different types as he didn’t know which one I’d prefer #relationshipgoals -
In other news I’ve been off the radar this week. I’ve had such an emotional rollercoaster in the last 7 days, receiving some amazing news and also dealing with some really awful news. -
The mixture of emotions I’ve felt have left me feeling completely drained so I took a few days to focus on the good and process the bad.
This involved lots of time at home, early nights and lazy days, and daily gratitude journaling. -
Full blog post link in my bio ☝🏼
I finally figured out how YouTube works 👵🏼 if you’re interested in a LOT of random chat, learning a bit more about me and meeting the real star of the show, Jeff, the link is in my bio 💁🏻♀️
I’ll be sharing more video content moving forward so subscribe/follow if you would like to see more of me and of course, Jeff! I promise I will get better at editing 🙃
Shout out to the girls who have stuck by my side through it all (I wish you could all be in this photo!) 💖
One year ago I abandoned this beautiful group of women pretty much in the night while we were enjoying a weekend away. It was the first time I had stayed away from home since being assaulted in a hotel by my ex boyfriend and I had completely underestimated the absolutely gut-wrenching PTSD I was going to experience.
Rather than opening up about it I did the shitty thing of trying to escape without explanation. ⠀
Slowly (very slowly) I’m learning to open up. As a person it takes me a while to process things myself so I find it hard to express myself at times like that, however the stigma will only continue if we ourselves don’t force people to start accepting us as we are. Flaws and all.
Anxiety at its core is the minds way of protecting itself and the body from harm. At its most extreme all it wants is for you to avoid any risk of threat, so really isolation is it’s ideal scenario. -
If you aren’t careful anxiety can take over and without realising the isolation can start to become a reality. And while your poor anxious mind may be thinking “finally, we’re safe!” It can be a very dangerous place to be. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ -
Remember that YOU are in charge and that while you can be immensely grateful for having such a caring and protective mind, it’s perfectly okay to tell it to rest up, as actually you are very capable of handling things right now by yourself 💁🏻♀️ -
This photo was taken one year later and I couldn’t have asked for more support and understanding from these wonderful women! #findyourtribe
I had the best conversation with an old friend the other night and although we don't talk as much as we used to whenever we do we have the most meaningful, supportive conversations about whatever may be going on in our lives at the time.
We spoke this time about how much my worrying what others think of me affects my motivation and in particular how since going public with my blog it's made me want to quit, despite the fact that I've had nothing but positive feedback so far (🙏🏼)
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I’ve always struggled to take criticism without wanting to immediately stop whatever it was I was doing to make said criticism happen and therefore avoid anybody ever saying something negative ever again for the rest of time. Totally rational, grown up behaviour right?💁🏻♀️
He talked me through this idea of reminding yourself of the importance of people's opinions and when you should, and shouldn't, care. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ He then drew me this adorable chart which I want to print out a million of and throw them around like confetti 🎉 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
It's so accurate and also totally realistic. I wanted to share in case of anyone else who is struggling to rationalise a fear of perception or negativity, or even just your self esteem. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ There will always be people that misjudge you or just plain don't like you (hiii everyone!) but when you use the logic in this graph you can see the options are actually quite simple.
💕 You either forget the negativity if said people mean very little to you, or you can try to reeducate them. And as long as when trying to challenge views or perceptions you are staying true to yourself, then I'm pretty certain they will very rapidly end up in the upper part of the chart.
Hopefully this helps somebody out there as it certainly helps me :)
Doing what I do best, shopping for food 🇮🇹 -
Anyway it’s been the longest, slumpiest (is that a word?) week ever! I knew when putting my secret blog out there people I knew might see it but it happened much faster than I was expecting. I am still working on my resilience and not caring what people think but it’s a work in progress. Having people I know start finding my feed, reading my content etc sent me into a bit of a freak out!
I suddenly started doubted whether or not I should carry on, worrying about what people would think of me and embarrassing myself. But I’ve had nothing but positive feedback so far so it’s all completely self inflicted negativity. -
I love this little outlet I’ve created for myself so I am going to force myself to push forwards and keep going. I’m reminding myself of all the times I’ve made myself proud and looking back at our recent trip to Italy is definitely one of them! This little supermarket was just the cutest and most authentic place and I could easily have pottered about in it all day 🍕
Did you know that around 90% of serotonin is produced in the gut? There’s a common misconception that it’s the brains job to produce this “happy hormone” which is not only responsible for mood regulation but a whole load of other things that basically contribute to us being full functioning human beings 💪🏼
So it’s really important to keep your diet in check and particularly when you struggle with mental illness. The first thing that usually goes for me when I’m feeling anxious or down is my appetite. So it’s really important I find quick and easy ways to keep my calories up in a healthy way. .
This smoothie is amazing and super healthy. It’s full of tummy friendly ingredients so an all round winner. It contains oats for slow release carbs, and some anti inflammatory ingredients. AND it’s vegan 🙏🏼 .
There’s a full post including the recipe on my blog, link in bio!
I’ve had a bit of a slump this week 😞 have been feeling down and anxious again for reasons I can’t quite figure out and as soon as that feeling creeps in I start to cycle. The idea that I could be slipping backwards really scares me. -
I have to remind myself though that everybody has weeks where they don’t quite feel themselves. It’s actually totally normal and not necessarily something to be worried about. -
Being anxious about being anxious is one of the absolute worst things! I’m going to try not to be too hard on myself and remember how far I’ve come 💪🏼
Lots of self care, wholesome food and fresh air needed this weekend 🌿🍂
I want it all 😩😩😩 @houseofcb - I have an awful habit of buying new diaries, notepads etc and trying to get myself organised but then I end up buying another one. My other half can attest to the fact there is a pile of half empty notepads and journals in our house 🙈 might as well add to the collection...