Whether it’s my general “don’t give a fuck” attitude or not, I genuinely think about some of the howlers I’ve been with and the poor blokes that have had to encounter them after me yet aren’t as stable as me.. and it makes me giggle like a schoolgirl.
I’m just going to come out and be honest.. as you can tell from this photo, in particular my bottom lip, I’m sad. I’m sad for a lot of reasons but the main one is something that’s currently happening in my life and it’s happening all too often. I’m not one to blow my own trumpet (or any trumpet for that matter because I’m not bent) but I’ve been receiving my fair share of attention from wenches recently. “Wow, how can you be sad about that?!” - I’m not. What I’m sad about is why I’ve been receiving the attention. Now, it won’t come as a shock to any of my true friends who have been loyal the whole way through to myself and Phoon Corp but I have a striking resemblance to 50 Cent. A lot of these hoes have been confusing me with Curtis Jackson. I can understand the confusion completely but even when I tell them I’m not 50 cent, they’re still interested because apparently we could “fool people quite easily”. Sorry sweetheart but I’m an honest person and I won’t be using my 50 cent looks to fool anybody, it’s sneaky. Besides, I’d much rather be a Plan B anyway. Thank you all for understanding and I’m hoping a few of my realest niggas can help me through this tough time. Get rich and stop crying. Or something.
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Step 1) Don’t check yourself in to a hospital and then ignore all the “you ok hun” messages from your idiot friends, no one cares about your ingrown toe nail.
Step 2) Don’t post selfies of yourself with the caption “I feel so ugly”. No you don’t feel ugly, you crave attention like a whore craves dick.
Step 3) Avoid posting hundreds of photos of your children with the caption “I love them so much” - you’re meant to love them, that’s the whole fucking point.
Step 4) Don’t continuously share inspirational quotes about being a strong single woman just because you found out your boyfriends been in more beds than a gardeners spade. Here’s an inspirational quote for you Alison: “FUCK OFF!”