mel is sad - what else is new? ft purring. (swipe for me scolding my cat for being sooooo cute).
you are something else, my dear
i'm hoping we can figure something out
our fairytale could've come to life if we had tried
i want to taste that magic on your tongue,
want to hear the music from your mouth.
you are something else.
something better than me,
and i wanted you to be mine.
maybe next time.
I've tried like 10 times to post this but every time, I delete the caption and decide that words are too difficult and I can't do it. Idk, I can be happy and filled with kindness and love and SO MUCH forgiveness. Then at other periods of time... I almost can't function and it takes every ounce of my energy to stay on damage control and not ruin my relationships/job/health. Even with all of my energy, sometimes it's not enough. Right now, I'm REALLY trying. I'm focusing on moments like in this picture..... When everything is quiet. I'm trying to absolve myself from guilt. How can I be kind and loving when this pain takes up all of my energy? And how can I not feel like it's all my fault? I can't think my way out of it. But I can focus on soft moments and leave myself be sometimes.
The smell of the air when it rains. The sunrise. How my cat trills at me. Acoustic guitars. Tree saplings. Warm tea. Smiling with my friends.
I can still feel these things as long as I am consciously appreciating them. All is not lost.
I can never tell them how i feel
Why is it so hard to be real?
I'd rather be dancing than sitting alone.
Why don't i just get up and go?
I guess 'coz happiness is so fleeting,
While only sorrow sticks around.
This is not about having a lack of self confidence and feeling shy. Well, not really. It's more about a certain cloud that tends to hang in my mind. This cloud stops me from being able to connect with others. It's like I don't have the energy to be honest and open with people. The truth is, in my heart, i want to love people. SO badly. But I'm trying not to judge myself for being sad... Because that seems a little backwards, doesn't it?