I spent the morning nerding out with my plant-friends, Michelle & Chris, from @tantalusbotanicals! They toured me through their century old property, where they inherited, grow, & process a special variety of Yerba Mate planted by Native Hawaiians many, many years ago. Also pictured are Reishi mushrooms Chris is growing, as well as other mushrooms he uses as media for a compilation he’s working on now. Witnessing these two pursue their careers as well as tend to & restore the land they live on, keeps me hopeful for humanity! Also: for my future bae! 🤪🤞🏽🧠🌿🌱
On Monday, my sweet (sometimes really sassy) friend Susie left her body. I could write a book filled with isms & one-liners that she called on, basically trademarked, usually while “holding court” in the cafe at breakfast time with all of us farmers. I’ve never been close with someone who had been diagnosed schizophrenic before Susie. Through my relationship with her I learned a great deal about humans living with mental illness. She quite honestly changed the way I interact with the world. I found her to be one of the most fascinating, hilarious people I’ve ever met. This woman had a way of intellectually describing her feelings, even psychosis, that helped you understand exactly how she navigated it. Granted, there were times in our conversations where you had to untangle your truth from Susie’s truth, or take a moment to ponder the accuracy of her latest insult, but to me, this is what made her so wonderful. The amount of grace that I was willing & able to extend to her — the way we would full-on belly laugh until we cried about the most silly of things; how she would cut in front of any “social norm” or ideology - I wish for more of this in all my relationships. We hold each other to these insatiable standards & spend far too much time being bummed out because someone should “know better”. I feel like I’m kind of calling on Ram Dass’ quote about turning people into trees here - (which if you haven’t read, google now) - but in honor of Susie, I’m going to actively work on granting more people the same love & understanding that I would afford her. I mean... after all, we all land somewhere on the spectrum, right?
what do we really do with all the memories we accumulate? all the relationships we shelf?
lately i’ve been blowing the dust off of some of my most treasured... this photo is of myself & a man who taught me about grace & forgiveness. in the most profound of ways. what a gift he is to all of us. ⚡️⚡️⚡️
HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my first mate! 🎶My milky-white, chain-smoking, soft-bodied, city bitch 🎶
My soulmate, my ace, my low-yield harvester, my KWEEN — you’ve seen me at my absolute worst & fully support me at my best. I’ve never felt more like myself around another human. So grateful Mr. Williams class & our desire to make extremely weird art & wear obscure clothing brought us together 16 years ago !
I wish I could squeeze you & tackle you to the ground today 😍🤗💩
Feeling heavy feels for the team that reconstructed this shattered jaw 12 years ago. It’s always been really interesting to me that I receive compliments on my smile so frequently, & yet I feel like I’ve had such a turbulent relationship to this part of my being. I remember going to the dentist with my grandmother when I was a young girl & BEGGING the doctor to push all of my teeth together so I wouldn’t have any gaps; Pleading with my brothers & cousin, in the basement of the Bates house, to pleaseee just give me braces! After they sent me on a scavenger hunt to acquire all items necessary: paper clips, aluminum foil, rubber bands, & Kool Aid - I realized that the Kool Aid would be the only item on that list that would be utilized that day. I’ve also got myself into a lot of situations with this mouth. Good & bad. Anyways - lots of gratitude. For dentists - for never actually needing braces - for now knowing how important it is to care for your teeth. For learning how to tap into the power of communication for good. For this ultra light beam smile! Kanye West - “through the wire” - now playing. 👌🏽
Happy Mother’s Day!
I wish I could gift you with a hand-picked bouquet of flowers. There are so many wonderful wild ones that surround me here in the tiny home.
Today at work - I observed a grown man & his mom at brunch.
Him leaning over occasionally to plant kisses on her cheek. Her giggling & playfully brushing him off. The entire scene was so precious it made me ache. I thought about you & your soft, velvety cheeks -
Thank you for my healthy glow. 💁🏻♀️ It’s nice -
what space will allow room for in relationships.
How real distance & yearning can transform.
I think about you a lot lately. Especially as I become more aware of myself, my beloved female friends, & the nature of what it means to be a woman in this world. The sacrifice that motherhood is -
the gift & the infinite opportunity for growth.
i see you.
i love you.
We moved through a whole hell of a lot as a unit, & I’m grateful forever for the sacrifices you made for us. I find myself excited to grow older & by experience, understand you more.
i miss you & i wish I could squeeze you in person!
I’ll have to settle with these pics & a little spritz of your perfume — the travel bottle of Clinique - Happy, that the wonderful woman I met at the farm gifted me with after I shared with her how intoxicating her presence was because she smelled like you. 🙏🏽💆🏻♀️