Writing, photographing, editing, and publishing “Break the Violent Fetters: Life Beyond the Closet and the Pulpit” has been the most rewarding, challenging, cathartic, nerve-wracking, inspired, experience I’ve ever had. Even if only one person reads this and reaffirms their worthiness through my experiences and thoughts it is absolutely worth it. Amazon Kindle publication date: 12/18/2018. ✨❤️😭🙌🙃🌎🙏 As a social worker, I saw case after case of children and teens wanting to harm themselves as they were discovering their sexual or gender identities. This book is written for anyone who has ever felt different, or unworthy. Because you are truly beautiful beings and are worthy of the life you have intended.
The words flowed easily to me- but delving unto past wounds and sharing them for all to see has been difficult at times. I have poured my blood into this book because I firmly believe in its importance. That you don’t have to die because you are different. That marginalization and erasure of your personhood is not your destiny.
It is my intention that each reader will walk away from this story with the same self-confidence, love, and acceptance written and living within these pages of which I found in my own life.” ❤️✨ I hope these words helps heal hearts and open minds!
😃😭🙌 😃😭🙌 .
#throwback#summerbody#flex 😅 New blog post! “It’s Now or Never/Break on Through to the Otherside” (link in bio) I planted a garden in Texas, this past spring/summer. It began with raking leaves, after a few strong storms felled large branches in the backyard. I was also raking and pulling weeds as a way to clear my mind, a way to figure out what the next steps would be on this journey.
I had no experience planting a garden from scratch. But I saw the potential for growing things, & it seemed like a fun challenge. After getting permission I started planting a garden- knowing I was leaving Texas. It started small, with a few Caya lillies, marigolds, two sunflower plants, some white pansies, and a variety of herbs. They started growing, thriving.
Certain events and falling-outs occurred which sped up my leaving. Still, I planted and cultivated until the very last day I was there.
I had wanted to leave TX for years, but had reasons to stay. As I continued growing, I saw the inequality in an Alt-right state/country that began to undo its care for vulnerable populations; as relationships began to change; after my dog- my best friend, Ranger, ran away for the last time and was never found, as I realized my book was really turning into something important- I knew my time was up.
When we pursue our true passions and purpose- sometimes we will begin to feel blocked or trapped by our current circumstances- because that is Life causing us to expand. Because the ties, job, & people who once meant so much to you begin falling away. The life I had been planning was calling me & I could no longer ignore its bidding.
Because we are all in process. Gardens in our own way.
I had planned to publish a book this year & it is coming out exactly at a time, when like the plants I planted- I have broken the Violent Fetters & on through to the other side. Release date- 12/18/18!
It. Is. Happening! 😆 This writer is left without words right now. 🤯 Break the Violent Fetters: Life Beyond the Closet and the Pulpit- Amazon Kindle publication date: 12/18/2018. ✨❤️😭🙌🙃🌎🙏
From the back cover: “In 2009 I laid in a Beijing hostel room, 750 yards away from Tiananmen Square, for 2 days, waiting for my friend to leave China, so that I could kill myself for being gay. I prayed to God for 15 years to heal my sinful desires. In that hostel room I began to realize there was never any sin to begin with.” That’s how suicide impending, spiritually-awakened, David-Bowie themed Chapter 9: Little China Girl, begins. It begins this way because that was the water-shed, Eureka-shouting, Fear-and-Loathing moment of my own life.
This is the book I wish I could have read as a young teenage boy coming out as gay- in the religious Christian South. It is told through my own experience before broadening the horizon to patriarchal, political-religious, quantum reasons that brought us here. Intermixed with photography and poems are lessons of empowerment offered to the reader- and a blueprint to where I hope we and society are going.
It is my intention that each reader will walk away from this story with the same self-confidence, love, and acceptance written and living within these pages of which I found in my own life.” ❤️✨ The words flowed easily to me- but delving unto past wounds and sharing them for all to see has been difficult at times. I have poured my blood into this book because I firmly believe in its importance. That you don’t have to die because you are different. That marginalization and erasure of your personhood is not your destiny. I truly can’t believe this is happening I hope these words helps heal hearts and open minds!
😃😭🙌 😃😭🙌 .
#fbf to Canada this summer-
Setting Free the Captive
I took leave of my bed
on the threshing floor.
Sunlight does not hold
the night for ransom
My eyes were last to see
this caged heart
was flung open long ago
It takes a river to tell the glacier’s story
“Fall and add your tale to the streams.” I’m a seed in cursed soil.
I have no rain to spare.
I’m always with bread,
alone. “Even in your barrenness
There are desert creatures thriving.”
Life forever finds its way.
Two lips can be an oasis,
or a divide.
Spit out the copper coils of your tongue
You’ve dined at ash heaps too long.
It is the mad who deny themselves a banquet seat.
Come taste the dew drops once again.
Why is my heart always the wager
For such high bets?
My friend, there would be no spring
Without winter sacrifices.
Tectonic plates crash created continents.
Life comes forward from the rubble
from the dead places inside of me.
I have split my life open,
An atom rising
A sky god in the clouds.
There is no higher offering
than Meat of the soul.
Love is not a slaughtering yard.
“Then what else do you call a garden?” I blame you not for the scales
grown upon my heart
I forgot they were there until you caused their shedding.
Stripping great piles from this rusted gourd.
All this time I’ve been Flowering in secret
kept even from myself.
One doesn’t have to see a blue jay
to hear its song.
You don’t have to say the word
For love to permeate me.
I feel it surround me
like fingers of the wind.
I have been blinded
far too long.
I’ve learned to
a different way
There is magic in this world.
It surrounds and permeates us every day. I have zero conflict or have come into contact with one unbearable person the three weeks I have been in Mexico.
I'm not saying it is perfect here- every country has its treasures and things that are in process.
I have assets and a few financial obligations in America that have been stressing me out. I am paying over $1000 a month to keep a life on hold. And now I am not so sure that I want to return to it.
I have been asking the Universe what my path is and it keeps sending me signs and emotions that it is to keep on this journeyman's path. I don't know the reasons but it just feels right. When I think about returning to America- it fills me with dread. I have come to trust my intuition. When I think about Mexico or living farther a field- I feel happy, satisfied, fulfilled, even exhilarated. The Universe is dismantling my former life, my ego, my priorities. I think that it all happened this way so I would continue to learn and rely on the Universe and my own knowing. Free Man in Mexico.
I don't know exactly where to go next. But
A primal force is calling to me to go farther. To where and for how long I don't know. But I feel Life keep calling me forward. The path of the wanderer is a gift that bears a special kind of aloneness.
The great quaking of self. Of breaking open the sacred parts of me. I am in service to a higher ideal, a purpose of unity and light. Love for human kind and for our Earth. We spend out whole lives building a life we want to live.
I am living the life I want by shattering it to pieces, and I don't know exactly why- except I feel I am supposed to. My heart quells with a secret ache as I stretch myself and bank account out further. When does the stretching cease? Do I even want it to stop? Will I know how? .