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    Majas Milana
    @majasmilana

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Day Fifteen of #CaptureYourGrief / Wave Of Light 🕯
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Today marks the end of #BLAW2018 and my feed was lit up with so much love tonight, remembering all those little lives that were lost too soon. Lighting a candle for your lost loved ones brings you into the moment of remembrance.
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What I love about candles is there are so many different types. Of course, Yankee Candles are my favourite. They have an array of different scents. My sister gifted me with one of the most touching gifts, she bought me some Sweet Pea scented tea lights for my birthday. I light one of these every night and then I tell my mum about my day. The candles flicker with the breeze but through that flame, we communicate.
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There is also a beautiful candle titled “angel wings” that I bought, and it’s extremely fitting for this exact purpose. I bought it with jelly bean in mind, but it’s purpose is all the same.
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A candle symbolises light in the darkness of life; it can help you find your way in a world that can be so cruel 💝 #whathealsyou #lifeafterloss #griefjourney #waveoflight #waveoflight2018
Day Fifteen of #CaptureYourGrief  / Wave Of Light 🕯 . . Today marks the end of #BLAW2018  and my feed was lit up with so much love tonight, remembering all those little lives that were lost too soon. Lighting a candle for your lost loved ones brings you into the moment of remembrance. . . What I love about candles is there are so many different types. Of course, Yankee Candles are my favourite. They have an array of different scents. My sister gifted me with one of the most touching gifts, she bought me some Sweet Pea scented tea lights for my birthday. I light one of these every night and then I tell my mum about my day. The candles flicker with the breeze but through that flame, we communicate. . . There is also a beautiful candle titled “angel wings” that I bought, and it’s extremely fitting for this exact purpose. I bought it with jelly bean in mind, but it’s purpose is all the same. . . A candle symbolises light in the darkness of life; it can help you find your way in a world that can be so cruel 💝 #whathealsyou  #lifeafterloss  #griefjourney  #waveoflight  #waveoflight2018 
Day Fourteen of #CaptureYourGrief / Connection 🤝
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It’s easy to feel disconnected from the world when you’re grieving. You can feel as if the world is swallowing you up. There is no air to breathe or space to move. For me, it’s so easy to disconnect from my entire being, to push the grief deep into a box and hide the pain away. Memories can be hidden in the deepest parts of your brain and routines can be changed to avoid unsettling thoughts.
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The physical connections to those we’ve lost is incredibly powerful. I carry my mum with me everywhere I go, by wearing her wedding ring. This is symbolic of her love for my dad, and the birth of her children. The only real connection that can help ease the ache of a loss, is love.
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I’ve felt a whole world inside of me, but I lost it all too soon. But in that fleeting moment, the love was so unbelievably overwhelming. There was no pain or suffering, just the beat of my heart and the safety of my love.
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Love is the truest connection we have to honour those we have lost. We are all connected to our losses by love, it’s an everlasting love. It cannot be explained, only felt 💕
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#whathealsyou #lifeafterloss #griefjourney #captureyourgrief2018
Day Fourteen of #CaptureYourGrief  / Connection 🤝 . . It’s easy to feel disconnected from the world when you’re grieving. You can feel as if the world is swallowing you up. There is no air to breathe or space to move. For me, it’s so easy to disconnect from my entire being, to push the grief deep into a box and hide the pain away. Memories can be hidden in the deepest parts of your brain and routines can be changed to avoid unsettling thoughts. . . The physical connections to those we’ve lost is incredibly powerful. I carry my mum with me everywhere I go, by wearing her wedding ring. This is symbolic of her love for my dad, and the birth of her children. The only real connection that can help ease the ache of a loss, is love. . . I’ve felt a whole world inside of me, but I lost it all too soon. But in that fleeting moment, the love was so unbelievably overwhelming. There was no pain or suffering, just the beat of my heart and the safety of my love. . . Love is the truest connection we have to honour those we have lost. We are all connected to our losses by love, it’s an everlasting love. It cannot be explained, only felt 💕 . . #whathealsyou  #lifeafterloss  #griefjourney  #captureyourgrief2018 
Family times 💕 #birthdaygirls #family
Day Thirteen of #CaptureYourGrief / Educate 💫
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Today’s prompt is supposed to be about teaching others about my experience with grief but I’m not really sure where to start.
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Grief is a shadow - it lingers behind you, walks beside you and sometimes jumps ahead of you. It catches you off guard when you least expect it. It makes your heart heavy. It changes you as a person. I’ve said it before but I’m a little bit lost in the world. I’m confused with these many emotions that come with grief. They are not straight forward and there is no straight path to follow. I’m emotionally numb yet somehow I can feel this intense anger wondering why the world has “punished” me. I feel guilty for being jealous of seeing happy families. I can barely look at a mother and her children. There’s so many things to feel and everyone feels differently. At the moment, I feel angry, I’m jealous and I feel guilty for being angry and jealous. I’m 26 and I’ve experienced more grief than I believe anyone should in a lifetime. My immediate family consists of my siblings and their children. I have no grandparents, I have no parents, I’m isolated and alone. I know that I’m not in the sense that I have fantastic people around me willing to support me, but I do feel alone. My whole heart is heavy with grief, and I’m left with nothing but these shadows that linger behind, walk beside and sometimes jump out and catch me off guard.
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For anyone who has been touched by grief, I’m truly sorry we are here. Loss really sucks and there is nothing that anyone can say or do, you just have to take it one day at a time and pray that you’re strong enough to pull yourself up and out of the darkest times ❤️
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#whathealsyou #lifeafterloss #educate #shadow #griefjourney
Day Thirteen of #CaptureYourGrief  / Educate 💫 . . Today’s prompt is supposed to be about teaching others about my experience with grief but I’m not really sure where to start. . . Grief is a shadow - it lingers behind you, walks beside you and sometimes jumps ahead of you. It catches you off guard when you least expect it. It makes your heart heavy. It changes you as a person. I’ve said it before but I’m a little bit lost in the world. I’m confused with these many emotions that come with grief. They are not straight forward and there is no straight path to follow. I’m emotionally numb yet somehow I can feel this intense anger wondering why the world has “punished” me. I feel guilty for being jealous of seeing happy families. I can barely look at a mother and her children. There’s so many things to feel and everyone feels differently. At the moment, I feel angry, I’m jealous and I feel guilty for being angry and jealous. I’m 26 and I’ve experienced more grief than I believe anyone should in a lifetime. My immediate family consists of my siblings and their children. I have no grandparents, I have no parents, I’m isolated and alone. I know that I’m not in the sense that I have fantastic people around me willing to support me, but I do feel alone. My whole heart is heavy with grief, and I’m left with nothing but these shadows that linger behind, walk beside and sometimes jump out and catch me off guard. . . For anyone who has been touched by grief, I’m truly sorry we are here. Loss really sucks and there is nothing that anyone can say or do, you just have to take it one day at a time and pray that you’re strong enough to pull yourself up and out of the darkest times ❤️ . . . #whathealsyou  #lifeafterloss  #educate  #shadow  #griefjourney 
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Plant spotting caturdays 🙊😻
Plant spotting caturdays 🙊😻
Day Twelve of #CaptuteYourGrief / Just Breathe 💫
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Sometimes, people say things with the intention of meaning good, but to the recipient, it’s just all wrong. Sometimes, people dismiss your grief, sometimes people will avoid the subject and wont talk about it. Other times, people will try very hard to make you feel better about the situation - but that’s just it. Grief can not be fixed and it can not be made better. You just have to feel it and sometimes you forget to breathe.
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You learn to grit your teeth through people’s words when grieving, you learn to hold back from exploding when others don’t think about what they say.
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Just recently, I was heading to Surrey on the train and someone was talking on loudspeaker about their mother and how they were avoiding spending time with her because it was too hard. I had to contain so much of my anger. Admittedly I don’t know the story behind it, but to hear those words when all I want to do is spent forever with my mum, it’s just too much. I have had to sit and endure conversations where people say things like “you outgrow seeing your parents” or “my mum can be so annoying”. Conversations about parents and babies seem to be everywhere, and I’m always having to hold my tongue and just breathe through it. There’s so many hurtful things that people say and they don’t think about it, because thankfully for them, they don’t need to.
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Its really hard to bite your tongue. So you just have to move away and remember to breathe.
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#lifeafterloss #whathealsyou #justbreathe #bethoughtful
Day Twelve of #CaptuteYourGrief  / Just Breathe 💫 . . Sometimes, people say things with the intention of meaning good, but to the recipient, it’s just all wrong. Sometimes, people dismiss your grief, sometimes people will avoid the subject and wont talk about it. Other times, people will try very hard to make you feel better about the situation - but that’s just it. Grief can not be fixed and it can not be made better. You just have to feel it and sometimes you forget to breathe. . . You learn to grit your teeth through people’s words when grieving, you learn to hold back from exploding when others don’t think about what they say. . . Just recently, I was heading to Surrey on the train and someone was talking on loudspeaker about their mother and how they were avoiding spending time with her because it was too hard. I had to contain so much of my anger. Admittedly I don’t know the story behind it, but to hear those words when all I want to do is spent forever with my mum, it’s just too much. I have had to sit and endure conversations where people say things like “you outgrow seeing your parents” or “my mum can be so annoying”. Conversations about parents and babies seem to be everywhere, and I’m always having to hold my tongue and just breathe through it. There’s so many hurtful things that people say and they don’t think about it, because thankfully for them, they don’t need to. . . Its really hard to bite your tongue. So you just have to move away and remember to breathe. . . #lifeafterloss  #whathealsyou  #justbreathe  #bethoughtful 
Day Eleven of #CaptureYourGrief / Honour ✨
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I honour you every day. There isn’t a minute that goes by where I don’t thank you for everything that you provided me with. I’m honoured to have felt such unconditional love. I’m honoured that you fought so hard when life got tough, and I’m so honoured that you have given me the same strength to carry on now. There is truly no greater honour than being your daughter. I will honour you, every single moment, of every single day, for the rest of my life ❤️
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#lifeafterloss #whathealsyou #honour
Day Eleven of #CaptureYourGrief  / Honour ✨ . . I honour you every day. There isn’t a minute that goes by where I don’t thank you for everything that you provided me with. I’m honoured to have felt such unconditional love. I’m honoured that you fought so hard when life got tough, and I’m so honoured that you have given me the same strength to carry on now. There is truly no greater honour than being your daughter. I will honour you, every single moment, of every single day, for the rest of my life ❤️ . . #lifeafterloss  #whathealsyou  #honour 
Day Ten of #CaptureYourGrief / Love Letter 💌
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Today I am supposed to write you a letter. But, I don’t know what to say. I’m usually so good with words but there are simply no amount of words that exist in the many languages around the world, that will do justice to how much my heart hurts. My life is so different now and I just wish we could go back in time. May bought a fleeting moment of a promise for a better future. But now it’s just as dull and even more painful. I’m lost. I’m just trying to find my way in the world that will never be the same.
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Today I’m supposed to write you a letter. But honestly...heartbreakingly so, I have nothing to say.
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#loveletter #whathealsyou #lifeafterloss
Day Ten of #CaptureYourGrief  / Love Letter 💌 . . . Today I am supposed to write you a letter. But, I don’t know what to say. I’m usually so good with words but there are simply no amount of words that exist in the many languages around the world, that will do justice to how much my heart hurts. My life is so different now and I just wish we could go back in time. May bought a fleeting moment of a promise for a better future. But now it’s just as dull and even more painful. I’m lost. I’m just trying to find my way in the world that will never be the same. . . Today I’m supposed to write you a letter. But honestly...heartbreakingly so, I have nothing to say. . . #loveletter  #whathealsyou  #lifeafterloss 
Day Nine of #CaptuteYourGrief / Transformed ✨
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Poetically, each loss has transformed me into a person who is strong, resilient, kind and caring; someone who is extremely sentimental. Everything that life has thrown my way so far, I seem to have be able to pick myself up, dust myself off and continue on the rollercoaster that is life with some sort of dignity and grace.
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Loss teaches you about how every little moment really does count. It teaches you to enjoy spending time with your parents and appreciate everything they do for you because they aren’t always going to be here. People are taken for granted because that is just human nature. Loss teaches you to try a little harder with your family, try a little harder with seeing the ones you love, and spending time doing what you enjoy, because life is but a moment. You are here for what could feel like eternity, but to someone who loves you, it’s never enough time. You will always crave just one more day, one more hour, one more minute when the person you love is gone.
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There are many inspirational quotes about grief and loss and how it can transform you. It doesn’t highlight the impact it may have on your life though. Because realistically and honestly, loss has made me much more of a cynic, it’s made me much more anxious about everything, it’s made me bitter and it’s made me push people away. It has backed me into corners time and time again. I’m angry most of the time but then sometimes I don’t feel anything at all. I am still in a place where the grief is raw, so it is okay to feel this way. But over time I just become more annoyed, more angry and more ticked off at the world. The world keeps spinning and people keep believing in things that make no logical sense to me (personally) but that’s it. I’m a bit of a broken record, but my grief is entirely that. Mine. And I am who I am because of it.
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So yes, Loss does transform you. There really is no doubt about that.
#lifeafterloss #whathealsyou #personalproject #blaw2018
Day Nine of #CaptuteYourGrief  / Transformed ✨ . . Poetically, each loss has transformed me into a person who is strong, resilient, kind and caring; someone who is extremely sentimental. Everything that life has thrown my way so far, I seem to have be able to pick myself up, dust myself off and continue on the rollercoaster that is life with some sort of dignity and grace. . . Loss teaches you about how every little moment really does count. It teaches you to enjoy spending time with your parents and appreciate everything they do for you because they aren’t always going to be here. People are taken for granted because that is just human nature. Loss teaches you to try a little harder with your family, try a little harder with seeing the ones you love, and spending time doing what you enjoy, because life is but a moment. You are here for what could feel like eternity, but to someone who loves you, it’s never enough time. You will always crave just one more day, one more hour, one more minute when the person you love is gone. . . There are many inspirational quotes about grief and loss and how it can transform you. It doesn’t highlight the impact it may have on your life though. Because realistically and honestly, loss has made me much more of a cynic, it’s made me much more anxious about everything, it’s made me bitter and it’s made me push people away. It has backed me into corners time and time again. I’m angry most of the time but then sometimes I don’t feel anything at all. I am still in a place where the grief is raw, so it is okay to feel this way. But over time I just become more annoyed, more angry and more ticked off at the world. The world keeps spinning and people keep believing in things that make no logical sense to me (personally) but that’s it. I’m a bit of a broken record, but my grief is entirely that. Mine. And I am who I am because of it. . . So yes, Loss does transform you. There really is no doubt about that. #lifeafterloss  #whathealsyou  #personalproject  #blaw2018 
Day Eight of #CaptureYourGrief / Support 👥
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It’s very important that you surround yourself with the right people when you suffer a loss. It’s astonishing how many people decide to shut you out because they simply don’t know what to say in your time of need. The thing is, we don’t really need you to say anything. We just need YOU.
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Support doesn’t have to be hard. A simple message to say you’re sorry, a simple hello, I know you’re hurting but I’m here if you need me, in whatever way that might be. A simple “I saw this and I thought of you, I hope it makes you smile a bit” Even if it’s just an acknowledgment of your state of mind and leaving you be when you need time alone. Support comes in a gentle hand hold, a nice cup of tea, a chat about nothing, a hug, a nudge to go home and take care of yourself or even a “I am so angry at the world for doing this to you.”
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Support comes in many forms and it’s important that you take the time to really see who sticks around after the storm has struck. For these people are the ones you hold onto for dear life. They teach you that happiness can be found again, and until you’re strong enough to stand tall on you’re own, they’ll hold your hand, cheer you on, wipe your tears, cry with you and hate the world right alongside you. They will pull you up no matter how far you fall down. Surround yourself with kind, caring and gracious people - people who may not understand but who can empathise. You haven’t got time for those who pick and choose when it’s right for them to support you ❤️
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It also helps to find people within communities like Instagram and within projects like this. These people have all  experienced their own grief and they can help you understand to some extend, your feelings. It’s inspiring to hear their stories and to understand that you’re not alone, no matter how many times you feel like you are. You’re never alone. There is also someone willing to listen ✨ #whathealsyou #lifeafterloss #support
Day Eight of #CaptureYourGrief  / Support 👥 . . It’s very important that you surround yourself with the right people when you suffer a loss. It’s astonishing how many people decide to shut you out because they simply don’t know what to say in your time of need. The thing is, we don’t really need you to say anything. We just need YOU. . . Support doesn’t have to be hard. A simple message to say you’re sorry, a simple hello, I know you’re hurting but I’m here if you need me, in whatever way that might be. A simple “I saw this and I thought of you, I hope it makes you smile a bit” Even if it’s just an acknowledgment of your state of mind and leaving you be when you need time alone. Support comes in a gentle hand hold, a nice cup of tea, a chat about nothing, a hug, a nudge to go home and take care of yourself or even a “I am so angry at the world for doing this to you.” . . Support comes in many forms and it’s important that you take the time to really see who sticks around after the storm has struck. For these people are the ones you hold onto for dear life. They teach you that happiness can be found again, and until you’re strong enough to stand tall on you’re own, they’ll hold your hand, cheer you on, wipe your tears, cry with you and hate the world right alongside you. They will pull you up no matter how far you fall down. Surround yourself with kind, caring and gracious people - people who may not understand but who can empathise. You haven’t got time for those who pick and choose when it’s right for them to support you ❤️ . . It also helps to find people within communities like Instagram and within projects like this. These people have all experienced their own grief and they can help you understand to some extend, your feelings. It’s inspiring to hear their stories and to understand that you’re not alone, no matter how many times you feel like you are. You’re never alone. There is also someone willing to listen ✨ #whathealsyou  #lifeafterloss  #support 
Day Seven of #CaptureYourGrief / Wisdom 💫
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“There's an end to every storm. Once all the trees have been uprooted. Once all the houses have been ripped apart. The wind will hush, the clouds will part, the rain will stop, the sky will clear in an instant. But only then, in those quiet moments after the storm, do we learn who was strong enough to survive it”
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There is no real wisdom one can input on another’s grief. It’s all individual and people deal in the ways that they know how. I tend to shut myself away, I like to be on my own and figure out what is going on with me. I find being around people and socialising, even on an average work day, extremely difficult right now. It’s both physically and mentally exhausting. I’m usually such a bright and bubbly person, I love to talk and I really enjoy conversations but at the moment, I really have nothing to say. I am learning to take it as it comes. There’s days when I don’t want to talk to anyone and that’s okay. Some days are just a little too much, a little too painful, but that’s okay too. The best thing to do is just survive the day. One foot in front of the other. It’s baby steps, learning to be again. So I guess my wisdom for anyone would simply be this: there will be times when you feel like you cannot face the world, but that’s okay. You just have to do what feels right for you. Self care is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your lost loved ones. Remember to take care of you, it’s so easy to forget when you’re hurting, but it is so important. The people who love you will still be there when you’re ready, but don’t push yourself. If there is ever a time to focus on yourself, grieving is most certainly the time for it ❤️
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#lifeafterloss #whathealsyou #wisdom #documentyourgrief #lookafteryou
Day Seven of #CaptureYourGrief  / Wisdom 💫 . . “There's an end to every storm. Once all the trees have been uprooted. Once all the houses have been ripped apart. The wind will hush, the clouds will part, the rain will stop, the sky will clear in an instant. But only then, in those quiet moments after the storm, do we learn who was strong enough to survive it” . . There is no real wisdom one can input on another’s grief. It’s all individual and people deal in the ways that they know how. I tend to shut myself away, I like to be on my own and figure out what is going on with me. I find being around people and socialising, even on an average work day, extremely difficult right now. It’s both physically and mentally exhausting. I’m usually such a bright and bubbly person, I love to talk and I really enjoy conversations but at the moment, I really have nothing to say. I am learning to take it as it comes. There’s days when I don’t want to talk to anyone and that’s okay. Some days are just a little too much, a little too painful, but that’s okay too. The best thing to do is just survive the day. One foot in front of the other. It’s baby steps, learning to be again. So I guess my wisdom for anyone would simply be this: there will be times when you feel like you cannot face the world, but that’s okay. You just have to do what feels right for you. Self care is the most important thing you can do for yourself and your lost loved ones. Remember to take care of you, it’s so easy to forget when you’re hurting, but it is so important. The people who love you will still be there when you’re ready, but don’t push yourself. If there is ever a time to focus on yourself, grieving is most certainly the time for it ❤️ . . #lifeafterloss  #whathealsyou  #wisdom  #documentyourgrief  #lookafteryou 
Day Six of #CaptureYourGrief / Healing 🍁
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It’s Saturday, it’s raining and it’s a pretty autumnal day. It reflects the mood perfectly. It’s a day for Disney movies and crying in bed. Today’s prompt is about healing. Personally, I don’t think there is a way to heal fully. You learn to feel less affected and learn to manage day by day. There is always a hole that’s left inside of you, and it doesn’t close. It’s a bit like your childhood toy; it was loved so much that through the years it’s just become battered, with stuffing falling out of it, or it’s missing eyes or missing tails... but you still have it, you’ve patched it as best you can, and it’s still yours. You can put yourself back together after loss. You are never whole again, but you’re a little more you as time goes on and that’s the best you get.
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Regardless of what my thoughts are on healing, what helps me when I’m feeling dark is having people acknowledge this. It is strange how feelings of grief can so easily be ignored by people who may not understand. You can lose friends when you’re grieving and people will simply fade away because they don’t know what to say. Just because you don’t understand grief, it doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge that we are hurting. Grief is just a constant part of life after a loss and when we’re going through it, we simply want others to acknowledge and realise it will take time to hurt less. We don’t want to be fixed, we don’t want to focus on the future and we definitely don’t want you to try and understand - that hurts you and it hurts us.
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Spending time with my loved ones is one of the only things I truly enjoy right now. Having my family come to stay, spending time curled on the sofa with Con, going on holiday with my best friend, taking trips and doing weekly bake off chats... it all helps a little and I’m thankful that the ones I love choose to try and acknowledge my feelings and allow me to just be. I’m thankful that they stay and love me harder because life is so cruel. They are my rock and a big part of the reasons I have strength to find myself again ❤️ #lifeafterloss #whathealsyou #grief #project #love
Day Six of #CaptureYourGrief  / Healing 🍁 . . It’s Saturday, it’s raining and it’s a pretty autumnal day. It reflects the mood perfectly. It’s a day for Disney movies and crying in bed. Today’s prompt is about healing. Personally, I don’t think there is a way to heal fully. You learn to feel less affected and learn to manage day by day. There is always a hole that’s left inside of you, and it doesn’t close. It’s a bit like your childhood toy; it was loved so much that through the years it’s just become battered, with stuffing falling out of it, or it’s missing eyes or missing tails... but you still have it, you’ve patched it as best you can, and it’s still yours. You can put yourself back together after loss. You are never whole again, but you’re a little more you as time goes on and that’s the best you get. . . Regardless of what my thoughts are on healing, what helps me when I’m feeling dark is having people acknowledge this. It is strange how feelings of grief can so easily be ignored by people who may not understand. You can lose friends when you’re grieving and people will simply fade away because they don’t know what to say. Just because you don’t understand grief, it doesn’t mean you can’t acknowledge that we are hurting. Grief is just a constant part of life after a loss and when we’re going through it, we simply want others to acknowledge and realise it will take time to hurt less. We don’t want to be fixed, we don’t want to focus on the future and we definitely don’t want you to try and understand - that hurts you and it hurts us. . . Spending time with my loved ones is one of the only things I truly enjoy right now. Having my family come to stay, spending time curled on the sofa with Con, going on holiday with my best friend, taking trips and doing weekly bake off chats... it all helps a little and I’m thankful that the ones I love choose to try and acknowledge my feelings and allow me to just be. I’m thankful that they stay and love me harder because life is so cruel. They are my rock and a big part of the reasons I have strength to find myself again ❤️ #lifeafterloss  #whathealsyou  #grief  #project  #love 
Day Five of #CaptureYourGrief / Rituals 🌊
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There is something about being by the sea that helps ease my sadness, dulls aches of pain and surrenders my body into a nice calming state. It’s always been a place of comfort for me. A ritual, I suppose; the sea can be both, a place to remember and a place to forget. It’s by the sea I feel most connected to the world outside of my own head - and a place where I can sit for hours and run through the happier “what if” moments of my life.
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After I had the surgery in July, Conner booked a day trip, and we ran away to Brighton. Brighton is the closest seaside town to us in London and it took an hour and a half to get there. I was still physically recovering and well it was a painful journey. But whilst there, Conner and I ate fish and chips by the sea, watched the waves lap against the sand, pulling it out and pushing it in over and over again. For the briefest of moments, all emotions were washed away and I felt at peace.
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Visiting the sea is my most favourite ritual. And truth be told, the ocean is a really great metaphor for grief. Anywhere by the sea is where memories can be made and treasured, and lost people can be found. #whathealsyou #lifeafterloss #ritual #sea
Day Five of #CaptureYourGrief  / Rituals 🌊 . . There is something about being by the sea that helps ease my sadness, dulls aches of pain and surrenders my body into a nice calming state. It’s always been a place of comfort for me. A ritual, I suppose; the sea can be both, a place to remember and a place to forget. It’s by the sea I feel most connected to the world outside of my own head - and a place where I can sit for hours and run through the happier “what if” moments of my life. . . After I had the surgery in July, Conner booked a day trip, and we ran away to Brighton. Brighton is the closest seaside town to us in London and it took an hour and a half to get there. I was still physically recovering and well it was a painful journey. But whilst there, Conner and I ate fish and chips by the sea, watched the waves lap against the sand, pulling it out and pushing it in over and over again. For the briefest of moments, all emotions were washed away and I felt at peace. . . Visiting the sea is my most favourite ritual. And truth be told, the ocean is a really great metaphor for grief. Anywhere by the sea is where memories can be made and treasured, and lost people can be found. #whathealsyou  #lifeafterloss  #ritual  #sea 
Day Four of #CaptureYourGrief / Today 🌫
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Where am I at today in this whole grieving/healing process? To be completely honest, I’m not entirely sure. I’m a bit like this British weather - is it autumn, is it still summer? The days are still relatively warm and the cold temperatures aren’t reaching any less than 12 degrees overnight so it’s a bit baffling and it’s hard to dress for. It’s the in between season. And that is exactly how I feel. I’m in limbo, I’m emotionally numb and a little bit broken at the same time. January has flown by, and in a blur of fog we are now into October. 9 long but incredibly short months have passed and yet it still feels like yesterday. My heart breaks a little bit more with every day that passes, every day your voice drifts further away. It will be exactly three months tomorrow when I was given 5 minutes of elated happiness in this foggy place; 5 minutes of hopefulness, with new life and a new purpose, but 5 minutes later, it was snatched, so cruelly, away. Loss hits you like a brick to the face and the recovery is long and painful. Most days are so hazy, some days a little bit extra. But if you look really hard, there is some light that filters in every so often.
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This little guy represents a whole lot more now - he survived a rough old time (locked in a storage unit for a year with no sunlight, he’s also been tossed around a bit, sorry little one😭) but this year, he’s graced us with a bright pink flower. He is plant proof that life can be really hard, but still beautiful. I don’t think there is anything beautiful about loss, but the way people express themselves about their losses most certainly can be. And the way loved ones are remembered is exceptionally beautiful. When times are tough, memories can make a day better, even if the memories are brief and somewhat painful. In memory, the loss survive.✨
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#whathealsyou #lifeafterloss #today #healing
Day Four of #CaptureYourGrief  / Today 🌫 . . Where am I at today in this whole grieving/healing process? To be completely honest, I’m not entirely sure. I’m a bit like this British weather - is it autumn, is it still summer? The days are still relatively warm and the cold temperatures aren’t reaching any less than 12 degrees overnight so it’s a bit baffling and it’s hard to dress for. It’s the in between season. And that is exactly how I feel. I’m in limbo, I’m emotionally numb and a little bit broken at the same time. January has flown by, and in a blur of fog we are now into October. 9 long but incredibly short months have passed and yet it still feels like yesterday. My heart breaks a little bit more with every day that passes, every day your voice drifts further away. It will be exactly three months tomorrow when I was given 5 minutes of elated happiness in this foggy place; 5 minutes of hopefulness, with new life and a new purpose, but 5 minutes later, it was snatched, so cruelly, away. Loss hits you like a brick to the face and the recovery is long and painful. Most days are so hazy, some days a little bit extra. But if you look really hard, there is some light that filters in every so often. . . This little guy represents a whole lot more now - he survived a rough old time (locked in a storage unit for a year with no sunlight, he’s also been tossed around a bit, sorry little one😭) but this year, he’s graced us with a bright pink flower. He is plant proof that life can be really hard, but still beautiful. I don’t think there is anything beautiful about loss, but the way people express themselves about their losses most certainly can be. And the way loved ones are remembered is exceptionally beautiful. When times are tough, memories can make a day better, even if the memories are brief and somewhat painful. In memory, the loss survive.✨ . . #whathealsyou  #lifeafterloss  #today  #healing 
Day Three of #CaptureYourGrief / Essence ✨
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“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently”
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When you are struck with loss, people are quick to react with words of comfort, with silence because they don’t know what to say, and most of all, people are so good at reminding you of how strong you are. But that’s the thing - you’ve got to be. For every loss I’ve suffered, I’ve stood up taller, I’ve filled my heart with courage. One thing that grief has taught me is how courageous I am, and about how much courage it actually takes to stand up and say you’ve been struck down by grief. It takes courage to tell stories about grief and about the losses. It’s impossible to put into words though. We can only try. There is this unconditional feeling of love rooted in the deepest sadness. The essence of my being is rooted deep within all of these losses. These losses have made me who I am and I’m proud of ME. Even on days I don’t feel like me. I am a survivor. Grief is a battle but we don’t let it win.
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#lifeafterloss #whathealsyou #lookafteryou #grief #essence
Day Three of #CaptureYourGrief  / Essence ✨ . . “Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently” . . When you are struck with loss, people are quick to react with words of comfort, with silence because they don’t know what to say, and most of all, people are so good at reminding you of how strong you are. But that’s the thing - you’ve got to be. For every loss I’ve suffered, I’ve stood up taller, I’ve filled my heart with courage. One thing that grief has taught me is how courageous I am, and about how much courage it actually takes to stand up and say you’ve been struck down by grief. It takes courage to tell stories about grief and about the losses. It’s impossible to put into words though. We can only try. There is this unconditional feeling of love rooted in the deepest sadness. The essence of my being is rooted deep within all of these losses. These losses have made me who I am and I’m proud of ME. Even on days I don’t feel like me. I am a survivor. Grief is a battle but we don’t let it win. . . #lifeafterloss  #whathealsyou  #lookafteryou  #grief  #essence 
Day Two of #CaptureYourGrief / Purpose ❤️
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What is the purpose of this prompt? For its purpose is a very individual thing, like that of grief. My purpose for doing this project is to shed light on the heartache that comes with grief and to show its healing process - to show that healing is not a straight line. You never get over your grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You simply learn to walk alongside it. You make peace with the fact it will always be there. You adopt it like another body part, you adapt and carry the weight.
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The losses I’ve experienced have certainly taught me to love a little harder and appreciate that every day is, as challenging as it is, a day. A day to simply be lived. I’m grateful to breathe the air and feel the wind on my face and the chill in my bones. I feel it even more for the fire in my heart and the flames of those I carry. it’s tough. It’s really really tough. The fire never goes out, it’s a constant burn that aches and pains you. But the light also guides you. Loss changes you, for better or worse. You’re never truly the same person after a loss, but that’s okay✨grief is simply love, with no place to go.
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#lifeafterloss #whathealsyou #lookafteryou #grief
Day Two of #CaptureYourGrief  / Purpose ❤️ . . What is the purpose of this prompt? For its purpose is a very individual thing, like that of grief. My purpose for doing this project is to shed light on the heartache that comes with grief and to show its healing process - to show that healing is not a straight line. You never get over your grief. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You simply learn to walk alongside it. You make peace with the fact it will always be there. You adopt it like another body part, you adapt and carry the weight. . . The losses I’ve experienced have certainly taught me to love a little harder and appreciate that every day is, as challenging as it is, a day. A day to simply be lived. I’m grateful to breathe the air and feel the wind on my face and the chill in my bones. I feel it even more for the fire in my heart and the flames of those I carry. it’s tough. It’s really really tough. The fire never goes out, it’s a constant burn that aches and pains you. But the light also guides you. Loss changes you, for better or worse. You’re never truly the same person after a loss, but that’s okay✨grief is simply love, with no place to go. . . #lifeafterloss  #whathealsyou  #lookafteryou  #grief 
Embarking on the personal project of #CaptureYourGrief for October with Day 1 / Sunrise 🌅
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This year has been so emotionally hard and physically painful. My heart hurts, my body aches and sleep is something that is very sparing. There are days I wake up and feel as if I would like the world to swallow me whole. But the sun rises every day, and so I do too. Life is for living and when the people you love are lost, you must live every day, not only for yourselves but for them as well. Even when getting up and motivating yourself is trying. But a reminder: it is 110% okay not to be okay ✨ #lookafteryou #lifeafterloss #sunrise #whathealsyou
Embarking on the personal project of #CaptureYourGrief  for October with Day 1 / Sunrise 🌅 . . This year has been so emotionally hard and physically painful. My heart hurts, my body aches and sleep is something that is very sparing. There are days I wake up and feel as if I would like the world to swallow me whole. But the sun rises every day, and so I do too. Life is for living and when the people you love are lost, you must live every day, not only for yourselves but for them as well. Even when getting up and motivating yourself is trying. But a reminder: it is 110% okay not to be okay ✨ #lookafteryou  #lifeafterloss  #sunrise  #whathealsyou