These past few months have been some of the most transformative I have experienced. From painful wake up calls that forced me to reevaluate my values, who I am, and who I want to be to being terrified I wouldn’t be able to change and heal in order to love how I want to love—to finally dissolving it all. Some pain runs deeper than muscle; I’m re-coding my DNA. I was told that it was time for me to see the light inside me, that others saw it, but now I needed to see it too. I love this picture because it is a moment of light shining inwards and outwards. Gracias a @lei.lak for capturing something between who I am and who I want to be. Yesterday I had the opportunity to channel all I’m feeling into performance and I’m really excited to share more from this project ✨
evaluate your corporeal form, its capacity and limitations; creativity bursts forth from the body, a material emblem of every nerve and muscle. happy friday, everything is an improv and nothing is the end of the world. except climate change please recycle
Holding this soft, small living creature in my lap this way and seeing how it slept with complete trust in me, I felt a warm rush in my chest. I put my hand on the cat's chest and felt his heart beating. The pulse was faint and fast, but his heart, like mine, was ticking off the time allotted to his small body with all the restless earnestness of my own || Haruki Murakami
My little cousin gave my aunt her stuffed bear to take pictures with all over the world so naturally I decided to make a cameo.
This weekend has me feeling born again and at once, a thousand years old. I have never known my strength and felt so fragile. Almost slipping off a cliff is one hell of an anti-depressant—and so is watching breathtakingly moving films about the outdoors all weekend long. I have so much to process but the most striking quote I’m taking with me is from a film about an 84 year old ski racer. I’ve always had an obsession with lost in translation moments and lexical gaps. There’s one moment in the film where someone is asking him how he found the fountain of youth. And he says there is no fountain and proceeds to talk about one of his (many) close brushes with death. He describes that he came to from being unconscious and exclaimed “Ah! I am in life!” A misstep of the English language reveals a beautiful truth, I think. We are not just “alive” as some passive descriptor. We are IN life! This great big adventure with no spectator seats. That’s the secret.
Have I ever called in sick or missed a shift once? I don’t know where my boy is. He’s gone. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna see him again. If he’s hurt...I need this phone and two weeks advance. And a pack of camels.
Lately the cosmos has been whispering, demanding a letting go. My yoga teacher the other morning said the words “the past doesn’t have to come with you” and at the time I reacted in my same old way, thinking, well no, of course it has to come with you. We are all products of what we have been through. But my brain somewhat uncomfortably ushered me into the realization that maaaaybe the past doesn’t have to come with. There are the inevitable golden gooey bits that hold our bones together, sure. But maybe we don’t have to burden our backs with extra buckets of malevolent elixirs. I’m fucking tired. Why be so angry that I have had to take care of myself when I can be grateful instead. I can take care of myself! Which means I can take care of others! Most of us learned love, in spite of everything. Carry that.