This is Jay, my ex boyfriend. I was 14 and he was 15 respectively. We didn’t have cars and could only meet at the skatepark occasionally, but we talked on the phone every night after 8 when my minutes became free, and we’d talk for hours. He told me he was being bullied, but when I asked, he wouldn’t tell me what was really happening. He would just say the other kids thought he was weird, that he didn’t fit in, and that nobody liked him. That was hard for me to believe because he was such a nice and funny guy, and had tons of friends at the skatepark. School, though, I guess was a different story. He told me he often thought of ending his life because he didn’t belong here, and when I’d ask why, he’d avoid giving me a straight answer. He never told me this was going on. I found out on his death anniversary last year when I saw this article.
Racism exists. It is a massive problem. He hung himself by his belt after this invasion, a year after we dated. I saw him at the skatepark just a few weeks before, and even then he pretended he was doing great. He wouldn’t tell anyone what was going on, because he truly believed the problem lay within himself, within his skin. No one can say that it was “caused by something else” because it fucking wasn’t. This shit is personal for me. This goes beyond politics and stupid ignorant denial, this is a reality, and I never shared this publicly until now, I didn’t know and still am not sure how to talk about it, it took me a long time to deal with it, and it infuriates me any time I think of it. I used to be angry with him for leaving, but now I 100% forgive his decision. It had nothing to do with him leaving us behind, it had everything to do with being brought to death by his peers. I would label this murder before I’d label it suicide. Ignorance isn’t bliss, ignorance kills wonderful humans like this. Police kill young black men, and bullies convince them to kill themselves. Black lives matter. I don’t care if anyone finds this offensive. You should be offended by what is happening around you and to amazing people like him.
Rest In Peace forever, Jay Jude. #suicide#blacklivesmatter#racism#fuckyourcomfort#offensive
You could say I’m “connected”, you could call me an addict, you could say it’s therapy or good medicine, you could definitely call it an addiction, because all I know is that I need it. It helps me, more than anything else ever has. It’s the only medicine for my brain and my emotions. I keep learning and sinking my roots deeper. I will never stop being intimate and getting to know nature. It is the only place where I feel that I truly belong and can truly be me. I don’t feel like that is unhealthy, quite the contrary, I feel as if that is the most natural thing. It is my therapy. It is the healthiest thing. #nature#love#therapy#goodmedicine#natural#hiking#blancalake#washington#pnw#mountains#alpinelake#centralcascades#healthy