The last few weeks have been tough. One of the things you can't really show through instagram pictures is everything that goes on in your head. Pictures are great for showing the highlghts of your life, but rarely do they show the lows. After all, why would you want remember bad experiences?
For the last year, and in particular, the last few months, my mental health has declined dramatically. In the last few weeks, I've had a breakdown almost daily, felt like crying constantly, and contemplated my existence on several occasions. I've had struggles with eating, sleeping, socialising, and essentially, all aspects of a normal day to day life. It feels like a different person has inhabited my body; one only sees the negatives and can't find anything to look forward to. This person is riddled with panic attacks, tears, and thoughts so frequent I've wondered whether this person is just who I am now.
Yet, nobody goes though life without battles. They may be different to your neighbour and manifest themselves in ways you never thought existed, but they are battles - and battles can be won.
The first step to my recovery was opening up. It's easy to feel ashamed, embarrassed, and pathetic in these situations as your mind is so screwed up it's trying to show you only a negative outlook when in fact, these feelings are more common than you think and don't negatively impact who you are in anyway. I told friends, family, and doctors which immediately made me feel more comforted and not alone.
Once you open up, the next step is to search for a solution using the resources at your aid. For me, medication has always been a "break glass in case of emergence" type deal because I was worried about how it would affect me. Would it change who I was? Would I feel numb? Would I no longer feel any negative emotions? To all three, the answer is no. Medication just gives your mind that helping hand. For some, this might be the ultimate solution. If you have no distressing thoughts and just feel bad/panicky for no reason, then medication can help to balance out whatever's physically happening. (Continued in comments)