“The greatest hazard of all, losing one’s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss - an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc - is sure to be noticed.” - #Kierkegaard 📷: @narayan.aya
La Dieta // For 6.5 days I lived in a jungle hut by myself with only a journal, my own mind, and jungle creatures as company, eating only brown rice and plantains each day. No technology, salt, or sugar. This was the container of the plant medicine isolation diet that I did with a beloved plant called Bobinsana who opens up the heart. 5 days out of the dieta & I feel something noticeably different inside. Amazing what spending 6 days alone and silent in nature can do for deep introspection, but it makes so much sense, we always have the answers inside of us. I looked at things about myself that were under my nose for a while but maybe I was never ready or willing to acknowledge. Throughout my life I’ve feared the energy of coldness and harshness in others, and ironically I’ve attracted many people with this energy into my life... We manifest what we fear. We also usually have within us what we fear. “Atmavan manyate jagat” is a Sanskrit aphorism for we see others not how they are but according to how we are. This was a lot of what my process was about - opening up my heart to see the many ways in which I’ve been cold and harsh, and to have compassion for that cold energy, particularly in those closest to me. With the full moon and eclipse during this retreat I felt crazy at times, mostly when I was resisting something, and clinging to fear. Fear of surrender. Fear of owning the responsibility of loving myself. Fear of the unknown. Acknowledging my shortcomings in my closest relationships was painful, purifying, and liberating, and it created in me a longing to know, feel, and be compassion. I’m still in my 10-day post diet process (still no sugar 🙈) digesting my transformation and I’m realizing that I’ve discovered what it means to truly love someone, maybe for the first time in my life. I’ve realized that when I love someone, I honor and respect their right to be however they are, especially in the times when they act in ways that hurt or that I don’t like. That’s the hardest time to love, the true test. My heart is softening and suddenly dynamics that once felt so stuck feel more simple... When I feel hurt, I can just love. The real work will be living this.
“Your story isn’t calm. The road has been chaotic at times, Filed with detours, and rains, and loss so sudden, and soon. Sometimes the bliss was so elevated Your heart could hardly hold it. Sometimes it was maddening to have, And then to lose it. You learn soon enough that it is hardly ever goes as planned– gently, easy and smooth. But that my friend, is what makes fascinating You have something to tell. Something you walked through. Something valid. Something courageous, Something true. You’re made of stories Within stories, even more stories. Those quiet depths of you.”
“If a warrior is to succeed at anything, the success must come gently, with a great deal of effort but with no stress or obsession.” — Carlos Castaneda Well... we failed at that, but we finished the trek one day late, still alive, and still loving one another. Post ~30 mile, 6000ft elevation gain hike photo. Success.
“I hope you will go out and let stories, that is life, happen to you, and that you will work with these stories... water them with your blood and tears and your laughter till they bloom, till you yourself burst into bloom.” ― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Women Who Run With the Wolves 📷: @narayan.aya