Aucun contrôle. On ne peut se résigner à vouloir tout contrôler. Lâcher prise peut paraitre une évidence mais ne colle pas à toutes les situations. Le temps et son pouvoir ne sont pas de notre ressort, alors le présent on en profite, on le savoure encore et encore. Et pour ne plus ressentir cette douleur la, oublier ce qui nous a changé et rester debout, on est même prêts à ne plus rien ressentir du tout.
YOUR ANXIETY IS THE BEST PART ABOUT YOU 💕
Every single job I’ve ever had, I’ve had to be the best performing person in my department because I need so much extra time off because of anxiety.
I have had health insurance for like 3/10 of the last years so getting a drs note wouldn’t work.
I have to make myself indispensable to the companies I have worked for because of all the days I will inevitably call out sick.
I always thought, maybe I’m too anxious to have a job. I always really beat myself up about that while hearing only positives from my employers.
Then one day, I realized my anxiety is what made me so intelligent emotionally which allowed me to be great at my jobs.
At all my IT jobs, I can read situations immediately and can easily read how someone would prefer to be treated.
The fact that I’m anxious means I think about 1000 things at once which means I likely could think of their solution in .01 seconds.
Make no mistake about it, my intense personality is what will make me successful.
What I was made fun of for, I will make millions from.
The parts of you that you’ve been wanting to not deal with are the parts of you CRYING to be loved. .
While I am not encouraging to perpetuate anxiety, there’s also nothing wrong with thinking faster and more frequently than the world.
It’s just the negative subjects you stay on and the capitalistic society we live in constantly showing us our faults and what they can sell us to help them.
Your intensity is gold. It’s what life, love, and your happiness will be made of.
2018 is the year my anxiety became my favorite part of myself.
I’m so intuitive
I’m so caring
I can love so deeply
I am driven to change the world .
My anxiety is love unpackaged
Overflowing and gross to some people
My anxiety will set the world on fire with this overflowing love
I will change the world and I would never ever have been able to do it if I was less intense.
Don’t believe me? Just watch hunni 💕
An insight to the inner working of my head.....
Just something I've been working on lately.... Just when I thought I had it all together, I feel like I'm falling.
To others I appear happy and whole but really I'm struggling to keep it together.
I know time heals all wounds and everyone is dealing with their own demons/life, for me right in this moment I just want to let go and give up, I can't keep feeling like I'm treading water just to keep a float. "Keep moving forward, things will get better" I'm told this often but right in this moment, this present point in time I'm to tired to keep going.
A brave face & level head is what you all see with me, lying and hiding the pain seems to be normal for me "yeah I'm fine, couldn't be better" pfft!! Please! If I said how I really felt, what's going on in my head all I'd get is "suck it up cupcake", "everyone has hard days" a hard day is fine and honestly I long for that, yip! Pathetic I know, others are worse off then me and I get that, others handle things better then me and that's great for them.
Inside I'm beaten and broken, outside I'm smiling and seem happy? Ya'll say you know me and that you'll be there for me. But how can I ask for help or even just say how I'm truly feeling when I get the same judgemental BS all the time? What's it going to take to see past the brave face and the act that has been seen for so long, to actually see the bloody and broken person that I am?
What's the point in reaching out for help when really need it, when all you get is empty words?
How do people do it? Get past the pain that consumes them, I'm being swallowed whole by the darkness, there is no light to be seen.
If I just surrender to it will it be ok? Would anyone even notice?
I ask myself these questions daily and still i have know answer.
I've been asked before "what am I like when I'm angry?" I honestly wouldn't have a clue. How does one show emotion when they can't even remember what it's like to feel them?
How does one get past and move on from what feels like the end?......... If you've made it all the way to the end please feel welcome to give your thoughts thanks..
The blog is back! After a needed hiatus, there's a new post up #ontheblog . I'd love it if you'd read it. (Link in profile) the web address to read is www.livingwithaholts.blogspot.com. TIA for checking it out, and remember: comments are ALWAYS welcome.
The darkness of the night
The moon is your only light
Abyss is what you see
Alone drowning in the sea
Lonely heart that desires
Your one true love aspires
To take your hand and save you
From this curse that forever torments you
Your voice that echoes hoping to bring
the Divine to wake and hear you sing
The plea to rise you from the madness
This immortality of numbness
Just one kiss it's what you seek
The change you long for even if you bleed
"Hear me out i call thee
My one true love please come to me"
I dream of a girl
who dreams too much
She fights monsters
And climbs the highest mountains
And commands crowds
With elegance and love
She is fearless
And completely insane
She dwells within me
We are one
I am empowered by her
She fuels my soul
My dreams are alive and thriving
Because she lives With me
Breathing my breath
Seeing my life
Living my dreams
Our head is in the clouds
We see the world around us
keep us grounded
We live this life together
We are one in the same
We are completely insane. - Me ✨
Last day with their cousin. My husband decided to take them to play paintball. Needless to say, they all came home with battle scars and stories. Our son had to go to work with his battle scars.
Remember to; Make Moments Memorable.
I’m going to miss my nephew and sister like crazy.
Dreading the drive to the airport tomorrow. :(
Thursday: SOMETHING BLUE.
We haven't talked in months.
But I saw you the other day.
I felt something.
I felt a sour squeeze in my lungs.
I felt questions. A lot of unanswered questions that will remain like that forever.
For my own sake.
You were missing your halo.
Now you're just a fallen angel from my altar.
Sin veladora y sin flores.
Still a teacher though.
Thank you for the lessons.
I really hope it was both of us who learned.
Not many people know this about me, but prior to dabbling in visual arts and more recently, music, I was a writer. And I mean, I didn't dabble in writing...it was my life!
After I got sober at age 30, I found myself incapable of forming words! People will say Writer's Block is a myth, but I was most certainly blocked. I am still trying to fully understand why/how I lost my voice. But if I am honest...truly honest...with myself, it was because I lost myself...at my core. You see, I lost that uninhibited raw truth and observation. When I got sober, I felt I had to change who I was because I was unable to see the real Me beneath addiction and despair. I could not see the woman who had things to say and saw things not many see. I burned my notebooks, resigning that I would never write again and began to explore other modalities of creation. But they never did.it for me like writing did.
Today, almost 16 years later, I am writing again for the 1st time. Now I can't stop! It's humbling to build up a muscle...skill...that is atrophied. I'm not the writer I used to be because I am so out of practice. But perhaps I don't need to be the writer I was, because I am no longer the Woman I was. 🤔
Anyway, I'm inspired by many things...food and nature are two. So I wrote a poem inspired by haiku. 😜
Im not losing control.
I am learning how dissociate love and hatred.
I don't want my futur to get a link with my past.
Love killer. Unexpected player.
You tell that you had everything and broke it,
You tell that you still love me, what the fuck.
You told me you've listened my voice before sleeping
Don't worry now you will hear me singing.
That is really a fucking story to tell,
I know now that i should have see that i could fail
You, you liar. You cheated me.
So many thoughts running through my head.
So many disgusting things I cannot forget.
You broke me after loving me.
I was sure and proud of us
Totally proud of you.
Truly conscious to be lucky.
Never thought you were this man.
You took everything I had with you.
Your words won't change a thing
Cause you made me fucking weak.
So many times, cheating everyday
I'm broken, alone and disgusted.
Shame on you, you lost me forever
I will give my love to another.
Six years ago I didn't think i could fall in love again
But now with rage my eyes are suddenly wide open.
Nothing can change the way I'm feeling.