My Name Is Tommy, I’m A Recovering Alcoholic And Drug Addict. This Is My Story.
I Grew Up In A Middle Class Neighborhood In Brooklyn, NY. I Was A High School Athlete With A Lot Of Friends And A Good Family. I Took My First Drink At 15 Years Old Just Because Me And My Friends Wanted To See What It Was Like. I Fell In Love Instantly. My Father Had Just Left My Mother After 20+ Years Of Marriage And Drinking On The Corners, Schoolyards And Whatever Bars Would Let Underage Kids In Made It Easier To Deal With.
I Was Always A Good Student And Got An Academic Scholarship To College. I Would Spend The Next 7 Years In Pleasantville, NY. From The Minute I Stepped On Campus Drinking Became My Major. Looking Back On It, At 17 Years Old I Was An Alcoholic. So Much So That At My First Year Awards Ceremony For My Fraternity I Was Voted Most Likely To Wind Up In AA. I Thought That Was The Greatest Thing Ever. I Went On To Win That Award 5 Years Straight. After Graduation I Milled Around Town Not Really Wanting To Give Up The College Life. I Watched All My Friends Graduate And Get Jobs In Their Chosen Fields While I Bartended At Our Old Hangout And Drank Day And Night. One Night Looking For A Little Something Extra A Friend Handed Me A Little Foil Packet. I Did My First Line Of Cocaine That Night And Would Rarely Go A Day Without It For The Next 6 Years. In 2000 Things Started To Get Out Of Control So It Was Time For A Geographic Change And I Decided To Move Back With My Family In Brooklyn. I Landed A Great Job With A Wall Street Firm And Said I Would Only Drink And Smoke Pot From Then On. That Lasted 2 Weeks. The Drinking And Cocaine Became An Every Night Thing Once Again. My Routine Was To Party All Night And Take An Ativan Or Klonipin In The Morning To Stop The Shakes And Get Through Work So I Could Do It All Over Again. That Routine Lasted A Little Less Than 2 Years And In February Of 2002 I Lost That Job And Entered My First Detox Followed By A 10 Day Stay In The Psych Unit. It Was My First Exposure To AA. Speakers Would Come Share Their Stories But I Wasn’t Listening. I Was Willing To Stop The Cocaine But Not The Booze. (🔥Link to full story in bio🔥)
9/25/2015, a day that I will never forget. I was broken, beaten, tired and sick. I looked in the mirror & hated the girl looking back. I went from crying on my mother’s bathroom floor praying to God that I wouldn’t wake up from the nightmare I was living. Today, I pray to God that I never go back to that place. That I never have to feel that pain again. Thank you to those who believed in me, those who stood behind me, and beside me, to the women who held me up and loved me when I could not love myself. Words can not be used to describe the way I feel right now, I never would have thought I would be 21 with 3 years clean. This would not have been possible without God, my foundation and giving away what I’ve been given to the women who walk in after me. I am truly in awe and so grateful for the life I have been given. So much has happened in the last few years that has shaped me into the woman I am today, I went from hopeless and lost to full of hope, and love.
Papa- I love you, and I will always cherish the relationship we built when I got clean, and the day I held your hand as you took your last breath. I no longer find it necessary to cover up my feelings with something outside of me. When we lost you, I overcame my biggest fear and reservation, it made me stronger. #wedorecover#neveralone#cleanandserene#cleantime
So Much Healing, Dealing, Experiencing Daily.
Right Place Right Time, Wrong Place Wrong Time, Wrong Place Right Time, Right Place Wrong Time. Some Call It Fate, Some Call It Destiny. Some Say Luck Or Lack Of Luck Is The Reason. It's All So Relevant And, Who Really Knows. Trust Your Process For What It Is Not What It's Not. Keeping That Progress The Goal. Grateful For The Fall, Busting My Ass For The Comeup. Made A Conscious Decision To Turn My Will And My Life To The Care Of Something Greater Than Myself, Just For Today It Works. 🌸✨
While I’d never share what was said specifically, God has an interesting way of showing up. Full disclosure, last week was a rough one. I didn’t drink, but I thought about it. As quickly as I though about getting beer, I immediately thought about the consequences and the truth about the aftermath; I didn’t drink but called someone instead. Still, alcohol is #cunning#baffling#powerful and my mind was telling me to work tonight and not hit a meeting. I went anyway and MAN - I heard some things tonight that showed me everything I have yet to lose if I went back out. What a humbling experience. God has a funny way of speaking to us. I feel 100% better, #wedorecover - love y’all
Had an amazing time yesterday volunteering for the @weareshatterproof 5k in Boston!
I’m so glad this organization exists and is accomplishing such great work.
When nearly 2,000 people show up to support the cause, you know it’s making a meaningful impact.
I was so happy to help out and cheer on some of my friends who were walking and running! 🧡
Together we can break the stigma of addiction and together we are #Shatterproof .
The only thing I’d wake up at 6am on a Sunday for!
And so she rocked the world with her confidence. She took herself by storm. She soared beyond her wildest dreams and her new life was born.
She challenged the status quo.
She strummed to the tune of her intuition.
She knew there was more to life and more that she could grow.
She won't back down, she won't take no for an answer.
She answers to no one but the divine, and that my love, is perfectly quite fine.
She's wild, she's brave, she's a rebel with a cause.
She chooses love over fear, heart over ego. She smiles freely, especially when she honours her boundaries.
Love is her destiny. Her birthright. Her truth.
She sees the light in the dark, the compassion in the pain. She knows that no two individuals are the same.
Yet she preaches we are one.
For we are one.
But we are not the same.
That is our beauty, our strength yet also our pain.
Let our differences be our pride, not our shame.
Shine, my love. Rise above. Let your truth be heard, first and foremost by your heart.
We are one. I want you to be you and me to be me. When we agree on that, then we'll be free.
There's so much love in my heart, I wish you could see. For it is not "You and I", it is "We". Sister, brother, it's our time. Rise, we are needed. Our light, our love. We have a mission. I can't wait for the day we unite and we all say "mission accomplished". I'll see you there. But until then, come back to your truth. My truth. Our truth.
Love and light,
P.S. 24 hours till enrollments close for BeYoutiful You, 30 day life transformation program helping you come home to your truth and live your best life. Message me to enrol. Or link in bio.
Though painful experiences, the monotony of the corporate grind, and living an unfulfilled life can be catalysts for change, they will not be the staying, driving force you need to accomplish your goals. •
Yes it can be the thought that you’re wasting your efforts doing something you don’t love, and going through the motions to get you to make a change, but the changes won’t stick unless you concentrate on the purpose behind it, the real destination you want to arrive at, and the passion that is your calling.
The bad times will fade away, and the new beginning will make you forget some of the frustration of being in the place you were in the first place. Yes it’s a good thing, but it’s easy to slip back and forget why you were frustrated to begin with. Instead, be lead by your dream. Concentrate on what you need to do to get closer to it, and not what you need to do to get out of a current situation. •
Today, ask yourself, what is my end goal? What am I doing to make my dream a reality ? •
❤️❤️Double tap if you agree ❤️❤️
📲comment below or tag a friend who needs to hear!!
👉Follow @manssearchfordreams for daily inspiration and guidance •
Being a father, and hearing her call me daddy, running to the door to hug me every time I come home, gives me feelings of love and joy that no drink, pill or powder ever came close to! 👊💯
My #MondayMotivation , now until forever ❤️
LIKE if you held on today!!! ❤️ During my mountain drive this morning, I took the time to remember my relapse in 2014 vividly. It’s important for me to keep the memory real- I use it as one of my motivators to stay sober. The hangovers, shame, guilt, depression, and darkness that followed me on a daily basis are no longer part of my story. But if I were to pick up that first drink, I am 1002% sure all of those negative feelings would return to me instantly.
Lol. I'll admit it. I got raging mad at a family member and threw my phone. I'm not perfect. I mean I got red in the face, was spitting when I was yelling. Haha. So, because I threw my phone I just had a bunch of photos that Google photos hadn't backed up yet so those are gone entirely. Oh well, I apologized and I'm really doing my best. It was a mistake. Not everyday is going to be easy. That's life . 😂
“For all my FAULTS and DEMONS, I know what I BELIEVE in is true... And I still have the HUNGER I did when I was YOUNGER, do you?” Thank you @ErichBergen for sharing such a powerful and uplifting song with your fans. 🙏🏻 This has been my jam for the last two weeks and a must add for your playlist
@erichbergen @spotify @applemusic @arjanwrites @alecfeld @jmeconnor @tscottpl @bschaffer10 @paulllogan @doug_ford @mikebiggram
Haha, this is so good!!!! 😆 There was a fuckening daily, in active addiction! 😳 They are few and far between these days, and I’m very grateful for that!! 🙏🏼❤️✨#thefuckening .
Repost from: @girlsthinkimfunny
Overdose Crisis Burnaby Community Dialogues organized by the Burnaby Task Force On Homelessness along with community partners. The Society To End Homelessness In Burnaby Burnaby Intercultural Planning Table
We are pleased to announce our Executive Director Miranda will be facilitating one of these dialogue sessions.
Registration is free, but space is limited - secure your spot today.
Wednesday Sept 26 6pm - 8pm
Brentwood Community Resource Centre
2055 Rosser St.
Tuesday Oct 16th 6pm - 8pm
Edmonds Community School
7651 18th Ave
Saturday Oct 27th 10AM - noon
Burnaby Neighbourhood House Community Hall
5024 Rumble St
Thursday Nov 8 6pm - 8pm
Burnaby Mountain Secondary School
8800 Eastlake Dr.
Super excited to announce...I am starting my own recovery coaching program!! Woot Woot! Still building my website that will tie in my programs and all things @sober.vibes 💜🦋✨🚫🥃 If you are needing help in your own recovery(I’m going to meet you where you are at)or even if you are in active addiction, I am here. I’m a firm believer that there is no one way to recover and that help comes in all different ways. I recently just celebrated 6 years straight of continuous sobriety and have been wanting to do this for some time but needed to do my own work first before I could help others.🙋🏼♀️ Website should be up within the week, for now you can reach out to me to set up a free consultation. I’m ready to help you on this journey!!💯👐🏻
Need I say more??? I read a quote the other day that said “if it’s hard to watch it, imagine how hard it must be to live it.” How true is that... Before you pass judgement put yourself in their shoes. #endthestigma#wedorecover // shoe details on the blog 😍
Here’s the truth:
I struggled with addiction for many years. Alcohol being my DOC. Cocaine came in close second.
I’m sober now. Getting to where I am today has been extremely difficult. Some days I wanted to throw in the towel. I’ve cried more times that I can count. Sometimes I cried over not being able to drink anymore. I mourned the loss of my crutch.
Life is good. Most days.
But sometimes, like today and everyday the last 7 days, it’s been an emotional rollercoaster. I’ve sat in my car and cried over the loss of a person in my life that I thought was different than the rest. Turns out I was wrong.
Don’t be fooled by the inspiring posts and the smiling faces. Life still happens. I still have sh*tty days. I still get my heart broken. I still want to numb out!! But I don’t. Because I’m just not willing to break my kids hearts anymore. Or my own. I’m just not willing to go down that road anymore. I’ve been down it SO many times. And it is painful. So so painful.
And because these days, I know feelings pass. I don’t have to act on every feeling I have. I can sit with it. Accept if. And let it go. And I can keep letting it go over and over until it’s gone.
Tomorrow is always a new day. And life is good. Most days.#wedorecover#soberlife#onedayatatime
This is my big worry, I know exactly what keeps me from getting fully sober. FEAR, and the craziest thing is I KNOW WHAT FEAR IS! 'False Evidence Appearing Real'. I know this, I tell myself this all the fucking time and I try so hard to not allow my fear to have any sort of control over me but it does. Fear has kept me using for a long time, I have no confidence when sober, Im a mess, I have severe flash backs of my traumas and cant even walk around town when quiet because I feel everyone is watching me and I get extremely disorientated. I struggle in sobriety, I'm a bag of nerves & have no sense of normality when I am sober because it's so uncharacteristic of me, Being sober is abnormal and I have no idea of who I am when I am abstinent. I shake with fear of judgement..
Each day that passes while I eagerly but patiently wait for the days that I can see my counsellors or alcohol/drug workers, courageously being honest and in control, working my hardest on my future I pray. I pray that each piece of torture and pain that I have endlessly been through has been worth it. That my experiences are one day going to help another, because I can not change the world that much but what I can do is change the world for one person. If me being able to identify and support another man or woman in their doubts and troubles then my job is done. .
What would I know and what could I give away if I haven't experienced it. So right now, even in my hardest of times- I am grateful because I know that I am strong enough and I have been stronger than ever being the woman I have to be. I am grateful for my power to carry on and not give up. .
a couple snap shots of our day yesterday. •
we’ve been through a lot and we’re still learning about each other. and about life. •
i’ve struggled a lot with my confidence after becoming sober, feeling like a burden, feeling unworthy, feeling like the evil step mother, just feeling horrible about myself. •
i’ve been working so hard to build my confidence in myself and healthy ways to deal with my anxiety and my fears. •
there’s nothing wrong with saying you need help and seeking that help. •
i’m not ashamed, why would i be?
in all honesty, my anxiety was making me literally bat shit crazy to the point that our home was a hostile environment and we were about to go our separate ways. •
so i decided to ask for help. •
our relationship is the strongest and happiest it’s ever been. we communicate so fully that we don’t fight. we understand each other. •
i’m not saying it’s perfect, we’re still working. •
but deciding to take that step to say, “hey, i need help because i feel like a maniac and it’s driving everyone away”, was one of the best decisions i’ve ever made. •
Acceptance is the
we cannot change
who we are
until we accept ourselves
the way we are. 💙
Once you accept the way things are including yourself, then and only then can you change it.
First comes acceptance, then comes miracles. 🙏🏼
Arm art: @tribalmarkers
I have been dreading this day for awhile now...I kept saying I haven’t reached the goals I set for myself, my Mom isn’t with me, my Papa isn’t here for this milestone and I wanted to be more established for my kids and I by my 30th! When I woke up this morning I was happy and excited, something I wasn’t expecting! I realized I’m happy I woke up, happy that I’m alive. A couple of years ago I was certain I wouldn’t live to see this day because of my bad decisions. I have overcome a lot of horrible things and became the woman I knew I could be but more importantly an awesome Mother! I may not have it all together or achieved my goals but I’m one step closer and a whole lot thankful for what I have accomplished. I love myself and I guess I love being #30 too! #wedorecover
One year ago today I had the greatest opportunity I’ve had in my entire life. I was checked in to an eating disorder, trauma, and addiction treatment center. I did my best at this treatment center and I had the best care possible. I learned so much about nutrition and my eating issues. This would be my first but not last time in treatment. Even though I had to go back to treatment this was not a failure. I learned so much and am eternally grateful. I never thought I’d be as healthy as I am now. #recovery