I was pleasantly surprised by one of my favorite patients at work today, with a little gift. When she arrived she said, “Carlos I brought you something special. I know how much you loved your trip to the maritimes and how much that place means to you now. This is a Mik’Ma’Ki map of the maritimes/Atlantic provinces; a tribe of natives who once inhabited this side of the country before the Europeans came. I got it during one of my conferences at Dalhousie University and when I saw it in my house I thought to myself, ‘ I know the perfect person for this map!’ ”
I was so happy to receive this gift for so many reasons. One of them being that someone thought of me when they saw the map. Also, my trip to the maritimes was one of the highlights of my year and one of the best trips of my life.
I met some of the nicest, most friendly people in the world. I felt accepted and welcome, despite being nervous and anxious about all the important people I was meeting in a foreign place during a small period of time. It felt as if, and I know I could, I could just be myself, especially since those I met were meeting the version of me that is striving to be more, to be better, to be happy, to chase dreams; maybe it’s because no one really knew my past and where I’ve come from to have that past cloud their perceptions of my present.
Honestly, I felt at home for once. Something I’ve never felt in Alberta.
The trip brought to light that I am worthy of friendship, old and new, love from friends, family, intimate people, the world. It also made me brutally aware of flaws, omens, insecurities that have been holding me back from my potential. Before, rather than accept and work with them, I was ignoring them and other facts about myself. Like being a sensitive, a very, very sensitive human being. A big softy some might say.
Lately I’ve heard, “Carlos what’s up with you?”, “I’m worried about you”,j “you worry me”. If anyone is worried because I’m not smiling as much anymore, I’m just taking my life more serious now. If anyone is worried because they “don’t recognize me/my vibe”, it’s because I’m transforming, evolving. I barely recognize myself, and it's because I’m growing up now
• I'm the quiet one. I'm flexible and I'm okay with people pushing me around; not that they do but I don't protest to stuff. I've come to learn that the quieter I am the more I hear and I like it that way. • I constantly tell myself that my opinion isn't valid and it's really rough. • My friends often ask me what I want. But I don't know. I don't know what I want; I don't wanna be here. • I hate some of my classes because teachers just pay attention to all the lick-asses. Like just because I don't shout out the answer doesn't mean I don't know it. • I hate school. • I hate home • I can't seem to find a place in happy. I'm considering moving to Australia after school, it's so far away that I'm intrigued. I just want to leave. Go away for a while. •~myfeelingsblog72 •#sadness#depression#schoolstress#justthoughts#wannaleave#quiet#myfeelingsblog
i’m so grateful towards @rraewoon for capturing multiple precious moments on stage.
this picture was one of the many moments i liked when i was performing ‘goodbye’ two days ago for a school event named ‘Originight’. after throwing on a #bandw filter and some fonts on #phonto , i have my covering picture for ‘goodbye’ , my upcoming single :) i have many other videos i’ve yet to download, but i’ll definitely post it soon! peace to y’all -|-