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December 15, 2017, the worst day of my life. I can’t believe it’s been a year since you left this Earth. I wish I could say it’s gotten easier or that it hurts less, but it doesn’t. You were my best friend and my whole world and you still are. I still can’t talk about you, I still can’t say your name and I still get upset when you’re mentioned in conversation. I loved you more than anyone-human or animal I still do.
I still think of you when I have hard days because I wish I could come home and see your face. But I can’t; and though I would say I need you now more than ever I don’t know if that’s true. You helped me through the roughest years of my life and I felt I owed you the world but you weren’t here long enough for me to give you that, so I try to treat my other four legged loves every chance I get. I love them, Jenna, but they don’t even hold a candle to you.
For those who have never truly loved a dog will not understand the pain behind my words, when she left a part of me did too, she was my other half and my soul mate. When I lost her I hit a rock bottom that I didn’t think I would ever recover from. I miss her every second of every day of my life and I know I will continue to do so.
She was special, more human than animal with an intelligence that could intimidate you if you looked into her eyes too long. She was stoic and regal and took absolutely no shit. I was her person, and she, my dog. She claimed me so I really didn’t have much choice in the matter. However don’t get me wrong, she was an absolute goof too, who loved food more than living and loved chasing sticks but didn’t quite like the idea of fetch.
For 12 years she was by my side and I always knew she wouldn’t leave me until I was ready but how do you really know you’re ready to lose a loved one? You never really are, and I still think that I need her here with me. However, she left my life just the same as she came into it. She passed in such a way that also, gave me almost no choice in the matter was, I’m sure her way of telling me that it was intact time. She didn’t give me the option to be selfish and keep her here with me longer for my own emotional sake.