"It's like wearing shoes two sizes too big" Polyamory for me is NOT a choice, it's who I am! Just some thoughts.
I didn't choose to be poly. Perhaps others have, as there are definitely different flavors on the open relationship spectrum.
But for me it's not a choice, it's who I am. So being with one partner feels like I'm wearing shoes two sizes two big, when I'm with two EQUAL partners, the fit is perfect.
So when people say " at least you have a husband " when I'm upset losing a partner it really bugs me and I know it bothers others as well. I've been doing a lot of thinking about it and I think when one says that, it means they really don't " get it". My core, the person I am inside needs, wants and desires multiple connections. For me the magic number is two for others it may be four. But the number doesn't matter. What does matter is by saying at least I have a husband you're negating a core need for me. I feel whole when I have two people to share love with equally, I'm better for myself and my partners when I'm in that balance because it's WHO I AM, NOT WHAT I'M CHOOSING. It's also so important to remember that monogamous people who choose to get in relationships with people like me are amazing beings who step out of their comfort zone for love and connection too, and when you have a friend or family member who wants to build a relationship with a poly person just SUPPORT them, don't discourage it. Isn't being loved and loving others the most beautiful thing in the world? We need more of it. I just wanted to take a minute after reflecting on it to say please be careful with words and statements. It's really important 😊 Heres a great article on the subject. Here's a great article I read just now. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-polyamorists-next-door/201610/is-polyamory-form-sexual-orientation%3famp. #love#lovemote#polyamoury#polyamorous#polyamorousrelationship#behappy#openmarriage#morelove#morethantwo#sexatdawn#estherperel#dansavage
Sex, love, relationships, marriage and evolution. Man I enjoyed this read. Not because I agree with everything written but the challenge of monogamous social norms was something worth reading. The array of cultures, various species and many examples used in this book helped me put contexts to thoughts, personal feelings and sparked new notions.
Due to life it took me forever to finish this book, thanks to today’s flight it was possible. Couldn’t speak more highly of #SexAtDawn . #RecommendedRead#ChristopherRyan#SlingThatPipe#ItsEvolution#LadiesToo#DoYourThang lol
“Sassy and confident, a Mosuo girl will grow up cherished in a circle of male and female relatives...when she joins the dances and invites a boy into her flower room, it will be for love, lust, or whatever people call it when they are operating on hormones and heavy breathing. She will not need that boy - or any other - to have a home, to make a “family”. She already knows that she will always have both”. - #sexatdawn
Für mich ist Eifersucht seit Jahren ein großes Thema. Tatsächlich habe ich mir mein erstes Selbsthilfebuch dazu gekauft, als ich noch ein Teenie war. 😉 Seitdem ist viel passiert und ich habe einige fundamentale Dinge verstanden:
- Das Konzept von "Own your feelings", das heißt die andere Person ist nicht für meine Gefühle verantwortlich (natürlich erwarte ich dennoch respektvollen Umgang)
- Eifersucht hat NICHTS mit Liebe zu tun, dafür ganz viel mit Unsicherheit und Angst, etwas zu verlieren - Ein bisschen eifersüchtig gibt es bei mir nicht. Entweder ich bin ein feuerspeiender Eifersuchtsdrache oder ein friedliches Lamm. 😄
Gerade hatte ich wieder eine eifersüchtige Phase und lese deshalb dieses Buch, in dem die gängigen Denkkonstrukte zu heterosexueller Monogamie und Beziehungen auseinander genommen werden. Bisher extrem spannend und sehr zu empfehlen! 💫
Seid ihr eifersüchtig und wie geht ihr damit um? Hilft es euch, Bücher zum Thema zu lesen oder macht ihr lieber alles mit euch selbst aus? ͏
On our coffee table right now:
12 rules for life, a book Aidan got from his sister, and that I was told I’m not allowed to read before he has 😅
Sex at dawn (about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality) which I picked up instead and is amazing!
A yoga related book that still needs to make it back to its owner @sarahbyrneyoga 🙈
Sapiens & Deus, waiting for Aidan to finish them so he can crack on with the first mentioned 😇,
A little history lesson for the immigrant 🙋🏼♀️
and GC, because I couldn’t resist Dave Grohl. ♥️
#AnnaKendrick47 has read #SexatDawn . She posed for @playboy . Curses like a sailor. She watches porn. And she is a very strong feminist. No, never a Polly-Anna 😁 Just your modern, badass, all woman 🙌🏽 So, I say good night to all you #weirdos . If I have offended anyone I say, “GET A LIFE! You bore me 😝” #scrappylittlenobody
I was very honoured to meet Chris Ryan this week who is one of my favourite human beings in the world. Thank you for giving me this book I can’t wait to go through it. His other more famous and important book is “Sex at Dawn” (co-written with Cacilda Jetha) which I highly recommend to all my friends to read (especially the Iranians). Not only was that book informative and helpful in terms of understanding a history of human sexuality but it also helped open my eyes in terms of dealing with the shame and taboo surrounding sex. If you haven’t read it yet grab a copy here:
And if you’re into podcasts I highly recommend you listen to his called :
If you love reading about evolutionary psychology.....and who doesn’t? This is a great book. We humans are really great at over complicating life even when it comes to our own sexuality. Spoiler alert!! We’re basically bonobos. #sexatdawn
Here’s a photo of one of my favorite books of all time. Sex At Dawn is the most important book you can read on human sexuality. This is my ALL TIME favorite book and it’s one of the most perspective shifting (and liberating) materials I’ve studied in my career. This book changed the way I view marriage, monogamy, infidelity, relationships, sexual biology, my own sexuality and even testosterone supplementation. It freed me from old beliefs that were unconsciously strangling my natural, vibrant sexuality. This book is not for the faint of heart, especially those who strongly believe that women are meant to be generally non-sexual.
The science in this book will slap you in the face, but in a ohhhh - I like it - kinda way. 😉
If they could just be honest and open and fair, we could be okay with really accepting what they want, but they are conditioned not to do that plus they get really jealous if the person they love but don’t necessarily desire is with someone else 🙁 #love#sex#sexatdawn#book
I had heard good reviews of Sex at Dawn. But it based the idea that people would be happier sleeping around on the examples of tribal people who still share everything including sexual partners. Examples like the Ache people who also tend to kill each other by fighting with wooden clubs they smack into each other’s heads. They don’t really see that as wrong either. Except when someone does it in jealousy about their sexual partner.
About 50% of them die from this violence so all the sex is what keeps the numbers going I guess.
other tribe examples of sharing sexual partners are the Bonda people who are as famous for sharing sexual partners as they are for casual homicide.
They also tend to like bloody scarification of children and youths, using traditional sharp items, or glass shards. Oh yes and
cannibalism. And from these examples we are supposed to see that agriculture has taken us away from our real selves.
You don’t have to be reliegious to think twice about that .
I had heard a lot of good reviews about the book Sex at Dawn .
But it bases the idea that people would be happier sleeping around on the examples of tribal people who still share everything including sexual partners. Except if you read about the Ache people you find that they also tend to kill each other by fighting with wooden clubs they smack into each other’s heads, and that is allowed except when someone does it in jealousy about their sexual partner. About 50% of them die from this violence so all the sex is what keeps the numbers going I guess. He doesn’t mention the Bonda people who also share sexual partners but are equally famous for casual homicide. Oh yea and bloody scarification of children and youths, oh and cannibalism, but yeah. 😒
I’ve had @thatchrisryan book #sexatdawn for quite a while but im just getting around to reading it now. So far it’s absolutely fascinating and thought provoking. Chris and Cacilda may be the most interesting people I follow.
'A hormonal response to novelty isn't love' ahhhhh so good. And once again as Gottman has shown with decades of research: the strongest predictor for a happy long term relationship is the quality , depth and intimacy of a couples friendship 🙏👊🏽 @isobellawolfe @hellopandabelle #sexatdawn
Very interesting exploration of how the narrative history of human sexuality has been shaped by supressing the ways we most likely lived for thousands of years, ways still represented in some of our closest primate relatives.
Ryan & Jetha offer insight into how governments, religions, early psychologists and medical doctors and other influences created a message that monogamy is a natural human condition. They reflect on several female dominant cultures, paralleling the bonobos, where sexuality and multiple partnerships are encouraged, creating tribal groups where all adults are vested in raising all the children. These societies are significantly happier, and more peaceful, some to the extent their languages don't contain words for war or murder.
IMO, this book is in no way an explicit endorsement of polyamory, as some of its detractors have claimed. It does challenge traditional viewpoints of sexual relationships and intimacy, and in the era we are in, we all need to continue to raise the bar in enlightening and empowering everyone to explore, take ownership of, and feel supremely comfortable in their own sexuality.
As if these were mass destruction weapons?!
I understand that banning images of nipples (and other bodily parts) is the easiest solution to keep certain misbehavior out of the realms, yet it doesn’t serve the same goal on a broader scale.
It actually enhances the idea that it’s shameful to have this bodypart seen by others.
Why would our bodies be shameful? It’s made in all it’s glory to function the way it is. It’s society that has decided that (especially women) need to cover up certain (ever changing from time in history and geographic position) parts.
Why this topic?
A friend invited me to join the group exhibition: Fabulous Amazing Breasts.
5 female artists with a wide range of plastic language.
A bold title asks for bold art!
So let’s provoke like it were the ‘60!!!
I painted one breast of each participating artist... and wow... so much came already up around it... timid feelings when asking the others for photos, posing myself in such way that my breast would not look so small in comparison, guilt when a painted breast didn’t look as good as I wanted it to look, inappropriate comment by a male colleague... all this...and the exhibition hasn’t even started!!!
Wanna see the total artworks?
Come see us/them during the evening of saturday 12th of May at: Tallercito 3, Gràcia, Barcelona
Finally finished Chris Ryans book after years of procrastination and was not disappointed. "One can choose what to do, but not what to want". Not everyone is suited to be monogamous. The fact that there's so much social pressure for relationships and marriage seems counter productive given that humans are instinctively so promiscuous. Only 3% of all mammals are monogamous. The Homosapien penis is twice the size of all other apes. We got big dicks mayn, (some of us more than others 😢) To what extent people are socially conditioned to marriage or instinctively driven I don't know.
This book certainly sheds light on why Majority of marriages don't work out. I've spent a fair amount of time in relationships and although I loved them and learnt a lot, the thought of spending the rest of my life with one person sounds like hell 😂
Humans have struggled with their sexuality for thousands of years. Circumcision was introduced in the U.S. not for religion, not for health or hygiene reasons but to stop kids from masturbating.
Its nice when you find a book that helps untie you a little bit from the social conditioning around you. Just thought I’d share some thoughts. Now time for some JP. #12rulesforlife#bookstagram#sexatdawn
Humans are NOT naturally monogamous. How can they be monogamous when “cheating” is often treated as some great crime against humanity? With threat of being sued for divorce, shunned, ostracized, abandoned, and even stoned to death, why would we take such massive risks only to fulfill what is so obviously very natural to us? If it was natural to be monogamous, why do we stray over and over and over again? • • • • • • •
I am not making a case FOR non-monogamy - as I know plenty of people who are in successful paired partnerships. No, this is only a case against the notion that, as humans, we SHOULD be monogamous. Or that monogamy is the only and ultimate expression of true love. • • • • • • •
Besides, lovers, you think you’re the only person I ever want to sleep with for the rest of my short ass life on this entire magnificent earth? 🤦🏽♀️🙄 Dream on, fools... 😘👅💦💋❤️😍🥀💀👉🏽👌🏽🖕🏽 #nosoulmates#nonmonogamy#humanbehavior#humannature#sex#sexuality#humansexuality#bonobos#apes#ancestors#sexatdawn#smashthepatriarchy#fuckmonogamy