I ended up relapsing. After being 2 days away from 4 months clean, I relapsed. I am disappointed in myself. I KNEW I had the choice to not do it, to get out of the house, to throw away the blades, but I didn’t because it’s been difficult to cope recently. Everything has been so overwhelming with family issues, work, drama, struggling with my mental health in general, and especially the car crash. That was the icing on the cake.
Right now, I’m just going to wallow. Not saying that it’s healthy, but it’s much easier for me to do right now. I’m going to try and stay stable and stop myself from spiraling. Once I get in a better place mentally where I’m not so overwhelmed and where I actually have the energy to fight. Right now, I can’t even take care of my pets, let alone take care of myself to the extent I should be.
Don’t get me wrong: I did fight these urges. I reached out for help. But I lost this fight. I don’t know how or when I’m going to tell my dad, but he’ll have to find out eventually. I just want you guys to know that relapses are a part of the process. Not saying they will always happen or that they SHOULD happen, but if they do, it’s not the end of the world. Stay strong, lovelies ✨ -
Today is #humanrightsday . It is the 70th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
Each and every one of you reading this is a human being. Each and every one of you have rights.
If you are denied any of your rights, please speak out. Speak out for justice. Speak out for change.
We have come a long way in the last few decades, with legalisation of same sex marriage and the fight against the gender pay gap, for example, but we still have a long way to go.
Did you know, the beautiful lotus flower grows from muddy water?
The glorious butterfly from a disgusting caterpillar?
The majestic swan from an ugly duckling?
Did you know that you too, have within you the potential to thrive?
Trauma is hard.
Mental illness is hard.
Recovery is hard.
Relapse is hard.
Arguments are hard.
Breakups are hard.
But they do teach us.
They teach us resilience.
They teach us determination.
They teach us commitment.
They teach us forgiveness.
They teach us to be brave.
They teach us to be strong.
They are hard. I know, they are so, so hard and you don't deserve some of the things you've experienced.
I've witnessed things that no sixteen year old should see. I've faced challenges that no sixteen year old should have to face.
I was ill and I am still ill. I don't have a choice about that. But I can choose to grow.
The things that I have been through and the hardships I have overcome have taught me that I am capable of more than I ever thought I was. The very fact that I am sitting here writing this message to you is proof that I made it out of the mud and am now blossoming.
Growth takes time. You can water and water a plant and it might grow so slowly that you don't even notice. It's okay if that's you. An oak trees take longer to grow than a spout of watercress, but it's a helluva lot more impressive if you ask me.
So be patient. Good things take time. Keep caring for yourself, do the things you need to do and allow yourself to flourish.
Grow through what you go through. Let the good times make you happy and let the tough times make you strong ❤️
the only photo i have of my food today 😅 but i had an okay day food wise !! i had cheerios with semi skimmed milk (unmeasured !!), a salad for lunch with edamame beans, lettuce, shredded carrot, and chicken, and for dinner i had a small portion of spaghetti bolognaise with a little of cheese, and 2 pieces of garlic bread. i’m also currently munching on these white chocolate buttons (which are a fear food !). dinner was probably the hardest meal. i was shaking like mad, and felt anxious and panicky. but i managed to eat just over half of it, so i’m proud 🥰
hello lovely people ~ welcome to my account ! today is the first day of my recovery, and it’s going to be a long road to happiness. today was the day i went to the doctor, and have been offered a referral to my nearest ED clinic. i am determined to get the courage up to accept this offer. this account will be my ramblings, my food journal (no calories allowed !), and i’ll also be posting my aims for the day, my successes, and what i struggled with that day. i’m scared, but i know it’ll be worth it. i am going to learn to love my life, my body, and food all over again 💕
❌⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ❌⚠️
~DON'TSWIPE UNLESS YOU ARE COMFORTABLE SEEING SELF HARM SCARS~
Scars tells stories our mouths dare never to speak of. We have all endured some form of pain, whether it be emotional, physically, psychologically, mentally or any other type of way and you have inflicted pain onto yourself such as burning or cutting, let me tell you that it's probably been one hell of a ride, but you are emerging from this stronger than ever. We have all battled with ourselves at points in our lives. Done regrettable things and made promises we never meant to keep. But what's important is that you'll get out of the rut your in and you'll see the light of another day, soon. Keep pushing yourself and you'll be able to conquer anything if you can conquer the days you don't even want to get out of bed, eat, shower or any of those things we need to do in order to survive.
Please know that if you ever need someone, you have me to lean on for support and I will help you the best I can.
I love each and everyone one of you so much. 🖤
-- Out of suffering have emerged the strongest of souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars -- Kahhal Gibran
“So che è successo già
Che altri già si amarono
Non è una novità
Ma questo nostro amore è
Innamorata dell’amore, mi rendo conto che in questi giorni è l’unica cosa che mi tiene in vita. L’unico legame con questa terra, che mi fa vedere che forse ne vale la pena, a non farmi troppo male, a non cedere. E parlo di Amore, del sentimento universale che mi lega a molte persone, compresa me, a molte cose, sensazioni, emozioni. Amore, che mi coccola nella sua esistenza quando lo sento scorrere dentro di me e pompare nel cuore. Sento l’energia che ne deriva, la forza. È quello che mi blocca quando sono sola e mi taglio, quel sentimento che mi fa pensare a me stessa, ed anche a chi mi vuole bene. È quella sensazione mista che provo quando mi manca il fiato, a guardare le stelle, a desiderare un abbraccio, a pensare alla serenità nella natura. E mi dico, questo amore, questa forza potente, ho la fortuna di condividerla. Non è una novità amare qualcuno, è vero, ma quanto salva? Io devo dire, l’amore mi ha salvato tante volte. Tante. Ed in questi giorni lo sta facendo attraverso una persona specifica. Non c’è nulla di speciale forse, ma io vivo di questo, vivo per amare ed essere amata, amo l’amore, e solo pensarci mi rende felice. Mi fa stare bene. Spero davvero di poter passare la vita ad amare ed essere amata, da chiunque ed in qualsiasi forma. Perché sta tutto lì. È quello il segreto.
Short sleeves and summer.
I started when I felt comfortable to go out with short sleeves. I had no cuts, alone scars. In the begin I had a vest on. I raised the sleeves up. When ever I felt uncomfortable I could do my sleeves down. I started when I was at the station, then when I let the dogs out and later also at home and in the shoppingmall. I didn't get any comments. From that moment I felt me comfortable enough to wear alone that shirt. The vest was always with me, just for the moment that. But I didn't use it, so I let the vest at home. I could go when ever I wanted without any worry of what people would think. Now it's easier for me to go whit short sleeves. I don't wear short sleeves when I have cuts on my arm, because I don't feel good by that idea. But when I only have scars, I do it whenever I want. °
Does this post help you?
Dm is always open.
Never be ashamed of your body and scars. Because you are beautiful the way you look❤
Thanks for all the birthday wishes and finally reaching 1,000 followers on Instagram! 🎉
It's back to work for me tomorrow. I am still trying to get a better price for my merchandise. I emailed an Australian company that does printing on clothing and I'm hoping to put in a bulk order with them.
Let's hope I can get some recording in for my next song this week. 🤞 How was your weekend? - Saint Charlotte†