I don’t like these photos but I think they reflect me a lot right now. To represent this torment, I decided to get inspired by Furiosa, Mad Max’s character.
It’s a period of discomfort, destruction, of confusion so big to be bursting. The world collapses on me and I can not do anything else but collapse with it.
I have to find my inner strength, that power that each of us has but who is afraid to use, the awareness of what we are, the awareness of what we can do through our choices.
I thought I mattered to you. I thought you meant I when you said I love you. I guess not because you said goodbye after saying we would never be apart. You said we’d always come back to each other. I thought you meant it. It seemed like you cared like you meant the words coming out of your mouth. You helped me through stuff. But you said goodbye even though I was begging you not to. Crying for days on end. They stop just to start again. Every time I want to call you and tell you something. Every time something reminds me of you. Every time I take a silly picture and I want to send it to you but your name’s disappeared. The tears coming back drowning me. I guess I’m was wrong all along. I’m so sorry for you wasting your time on me. •😔😔💔😭•
WHAT I LEARNT LAST NIGHT
I was back at my hotel. It had been an amazing day! The release of new music, reaching health milestones, and writing a new song. I was high on life.
Then it hit me. I wanted a drink. I needed a drink. I deserved a drink. Just one. Ok maximum two. Then bed. But what about sobriety? I won’t be drunk so technically it’s fine. What about everything you say on being happier not drinking? That’s great but tonight I just need wine.
Despite everything I know, everything I believe, everything I am working towards there is part of me that wants to destroy that. And last night I was about to walk to the bar. I received an out of the blue phone call from @haliene , told her what was happening and she helped me with some incredible advice.
I ended up having a camomile tea and a long bath. My craving was gone. The voice of self destruction was silenced, for now.
The point of all of this? Had she not called at that moment I would have drunk last night. I’d be writing a very different message to you today. And that would have been ok. After all, healing is not black and white. It’s a journey we commit to walking each day and sometimes we take a misstep.
I wanted to share this more as food for thought. As to how interesting human psyche can be. We can know something truly with our hearts and our rational mind but sometimes another voice takes over. This is the ego trying to stop us from growing, a voice of destruction waiting to set us off course. Think of these examples:
1. we know smoking causes cancer, but we still do it
2. we know processed meat causes cancer, but we still eat it
3. we know eating healthily will help us reach our goals but we reach for the crisps
4. we know exercising is good for us but we sit watching Netflix
5. we know Class A drugs are bad for us but we’ll snort away if others are doing it
There are countless examples. As humans we seem to be capable of fully ignoring the negative impact of our actions. Why do you think that is?
I swear to God, timing is everything and I still have trouble sticking the landing.
I fall in and out of love as fast as the weather changes in southern Louisiana.
My neck is bruised from my latest conquest and God, I'm so self-destructive.
I miss him in fractions, in minuses. It's finally, officially, over and we first met this time last year. I told him he was an idiot.
I blew off a cute, funny, nice, med student for the second time this week so he's probably (definitely) never going to speak to me again.
A friend (of a friend) read my tarot and I'm supposed to find some type of a soulmate in this moon phase.
Is Mercury still in retrograde?
We all agreed to put on black dresses and find a reason to laugh tonight.
-The Symptom & The Cure: A Fire Extuinguisher- Angela McMahan
The ECK HI 2 Discourses for 15 year-old spiritual students includes the following lesson titles: "The Spiritual Experience of Youth", "Your Family as a Spiritual Unit", "Peer Pressure", "Educating Soul", "Boy-Girl Relationships", "Youth and Sexuality", "Drugs, Alcohol, and Suicide", "The Spiritual Challenge of Work", "The Music in Your Life", "ECKANKAR and Orthodox Religions", "Talking about ECKANKAR", "Living the Life of ECK".
Pages 137-38 say, "At first, the effects of drugs and alcohol on the individual can seem positive. It is common for users of a drug or alcohol to feel more relaxed after ingesting it. For some, drugs and alcohol seem to increase sociability, humor, appetite, even one's sense of beauty. These are the psychological hooks that attract many to regular use.
"However, drugs and alcohol soon reveal to the user their negative psychological and physical effects. They distort sense perceptions, making the user less able to handle ordinary situations and thereby leading to the possibility of physical danger, as in driving while drinking. Drugs and alcohol also exaggerate neurotic tendencies already present in the user, such as paranoia, nervousness, and anger. Whatever the weakness in the individual, drugs and alcohol seem to serve as a wedge to open him up further to its negative effects. Frequent use becomes a real means of self-destructiveness."
Pages 144-147 list Spiritual Survival Skills to help people who feel lower on the survival scale than they want to be or feel tempted toward self-destructive choices. For more information about ECKANKAR's study programs for youth, go to eckankar.org/child.html #youth#teenage#teen#teenager#child#children#kid#kids#spiritual#spirituality#survival#alcohol#drugs#suicide#suicides#students#student#self#destructive#selfdestructive#choices#drug#family#families#neurotic#paranoia#anger#nervous#weakness
When people complain, blame and whine daily about what they refuse to change in their lives, we discover a toxic environment... We are not supposed to care about these people... They expect us to listen and internalize their pain. We learn that we care more about their lives than they do. Self-destructing people don’t respect and value who they are. They don’t believe they deserve love. No matter how much support and care you give them, nothing can open their eyes to see the truth. They can easily avoid their problems. They need your positive energy to replenish the energy they lose from refusing to correct problems they allow to persist. Eventually, we get tired of hearing about all of these problems we are never allowed to fix. It is disheartening to watch people who can be so great, degrade their value. We are left picking up the pieces to our broken hearts trying to make sense of why people self-destruct, self-sabotage, self-doubt. The truth is: We are never meant to repair problems. Some people need drama and conflict to feel excited about their real life... When we have such high hopes and believe so much in some people, they can let us down... They can fail to live up to the potential we imagined for them in our fantasies. Their unwillingness to confront their toxic lives take a toll on our emotional well-being. They always attack us for judging their toxic problems and lives. In a way, they don’t respect us enough to value our opinion to help them heal. All they wanna do is torture our souls to reach euphoria. When we truly love someone, we gotta tell the truth no matter how hard it is to share. If we hide the truth and watch special people self-destruct, we are not a good friend, companion, significant other, co-worker, family member and friend... It is our moral duty to tell the truth—how it really is... If we lose our friends, even loved ones, at least they will learn to value and respect their true worth. They cannot fully love who they really are until they decide they are worthy of being loved the right way. Never allow someone you love and care about to self-destruct without telling them the cold-hard truth... #SelfSabotage#SelfDestructive
پایه ی. ۹۰% دردا و مشکلات من میتونه نداشتن عزت نفس باشه،واقعا دیدن خودم اونطوریکه هستم جاییکه شامل نکات مثبت میشه برام تقریبا حکم مرگ داره،اون کشمکش شدید بین خودمو قبول داشتنو اینکه نکنه خودمو گول بزنم که فلان نقطه مثبتو دارمو اونطور نباشه ،واقعا ذهن مریضی دارم و واقعا یه وقتایی از تلاش کردن و دست و پا زدن برای نجات خودم از دست فکرای منفیم عاجز میشم😭کاش اعتماد داشتن به خودمو یه دارو داشت میخوردیمو خودمونو باور میداشتیم این بدترین ارزوییکه میشه کرد اره فقط یه بازنده این ارزو رو میکنه !اما واقعا یه وقتایی کم میاری🤮😑اما مهم نیست مهم اینه که اینجا یه سری کله هست که من میتونم براشون ماچ بفرستم😃😃😍😍😍🤗😘😘😘😘
The old me VS. The new me
The limit to your self abuse is the limit you will tolerate from other people. I allowed myself to be in multiple abusive relationships. It started with me, I was also abusing myself, my self destruction had its daily routine from morning to night. I didn’t realize the two were so interconnected. My lack of self care and lack of self love allowed me to only attract the men that were a reflection of my inner self abuse. For years upon end I would ask my self “why do these men treat me this way and why do I always choose the same type?”. When I decided to fix my inner self things began to change. My weaknesses and fears no longer suffocated me. I was no longer attracting those abusive people.. All because I decided to work on my self destructive behaviors and thoughts. I now know my worth and love myself... fix yourself first, realize what you are doing to hurt yourself before you decide to invest into anyone else. We cannot love in our purest form if we are constantly being self destructive. What we think is love during that kind of state is actually is actually fear convincing you that it’s love.
Admitting to yourself when you've been wrong or recognizing personal weaknesses can be hard when the self judgmental mindshit fly at you from every angle. This is self-destructive and self sabotage. 🌈
Being able to step outside of the criticism and objectively identify the source of those errors and weaknesses is power. 🌈
To then make the decision and to follow through with that decision to make changes little by little to do better and be better is strength and self love. 🌈
Trying a little bit more of self love these days.
Wall painting found in Wynwood, FL ☀️🌴
[PART 3/3 EXPLICIT CONTENT BELOW]
Really?” She asked “then why don’t you fuck me already?” She beckons him softly as her hand rubs his hard crotch through his pants. Mulder enjoyed the way Scully was touching him and decided to stop fingering her and rubbing her clit. He backed off and undid his belt along with the zipper before pulling his pants down just enough for his dick to be exposed “get on your knees” he ordered and she did as she was told. Mulders right hand gently carcasses her cheek before his fingers became entangled into her beautiful red hair. He kept a grip on her head but allowed for her to do what she wanted to do for now. Scully opens her mouth sticking out her tongue and licks the sides of his dick whilst looking up at him before inserting his dick in her mouth. She bobs her head up and down his dick like her life depended on it, creating loud slurping sounds. She wraps her right hand around the base of his dick and moves it in a twisting like motion as she continues sucking his dick. Mulder moaned and threw his head back “just like that baby girl.” he says before looking back down “your pretty little face deserves to get fucked.” Mulder removes her hand from his dick and thrusts in and out of her mouth suddenly, holding her head in place. Scully’s eyes become watery as she gags due to this. He gives a final push into her mouth and leaves it there for a couple of seconds before pulling back out all the way. Scully struggles to catch her breath as she plops down onto the ground “you son.... of.... a bitch” she gasps “no warning?” Mulder just chuckles “That’s the fun of it Scully. You think I’m done with you after just that? Stand up and bend over for me.” She continues to sit there re-regulating her breathing and doesn’t pay no mind to Mulder at the moment. “I said stand up!” Mulder firmly says through his teeth as he grabs Scully’s arm to lift her up “bend over, now.” She does as she’s told, her hands placed against the cold wall anticipating him. Mulder covers her mouth as he rams his dick inside of her and begins to thrust in and out of her at a fast pace. The sound of their bodies slapping against each other loudly echoed in the