Life has literally slapped me in the face over and over again these past few days. Some of you know what is happening and some of you know people or experience it yourself. It may seem like a small battle for some but for our family it’s huge! To listen to your child scream and cry over and over again throughout the day and tell you that she isn’t brave and that she isn’t strong is some of the hardest words you will ever hear. I know with all my heart she is one of the strongest little girls I have ever met. I know there are people with worse out comes and I am so thankful that it’s manageable. I just wish there was a cure.❤️ #type1diabetes
My dissociations are back. I have different kinds, sometimes I don’t think I’m real like I’m fake or a ghost in this world, other times I feel like I’m the only real thing and everyone else is fake. Another kind I have is I feel like I’m in a movie and my life is passing by while I’m in autopilot. Or sometimes my consciousness is floating above my body and I’m watching myself while my body is in autopilot. The final kind I have is probably the scariest. I look at myself, either in the mirror or at my skin, my hands, anything and I freak out because I feel like my mind is in an imposters body. To me it is like, this is not my body, I am not this person, I don’t look or act like this. This isn’t me. It scares me. Sometimes these get to the point where I have a personality crisis and don’t know who I am or what I am doing or where I am. I’m not this person. Sometimes my personality changes because I don’t know who or what I am. Then there’s the other thing that’s been really bad lately, sometimes I love a person wether it be friend, family or relationship. I want to always talk to them and be around them and then it goes to the opposite side and I hate them, everything they do annoys me and I don’t want to be around them or do anything with them. Being near them makes my blood boil and I just hate them. Then it goes back to loving them. On top of all this my mood swings can go from being so elated that I feel invincible and can do anything without getting hurt. I feel like I can walk in front of speeding cars or jump off cliffs and I’ll be fine. I am a danger to myself. Then I have a crash and I’m so low. I want to kill myself. I’m bored and numb and I feel so drained. I sleep so much and I’m a danger to myself because I might harm myself. Then I have days where I am just numb and sit looking at nothing. Doing nothing. I am scared of myself. For myself. I’m sorry this post is so long I just needed to share what is going on with me. But I will be okay. I will recover. #me#personal#sad#bipolar#borderlinepersonalitydisorder#scared#dissociations#personalitycrisis#splitting#suicidal#elated#manic#happy#amazing#low#icant#danger#iwillbeokay#recovery
So I've started aggregating my data, and writing about my dating app experiences this year. My "year study" was to download all the mainstream (& not so mainstream) 😉 apps. Compare and contrast, write about features, write about my experiences, and share with the world a REAL LIFE review of these applications. I go on dates with NO expectations because I am single, and I honestly love dating and meeting new people. Is it weird that I don't feel open or safe to share my thoughts yet though? Any writers have recommendations on how to stay anonymous or use a pen name? I've started this IG acct to just start curating some content as I would most likely have IG versions of my articles that link to my blog. Thoughts? #writersblock#writing#creativewriting#datingapps#datingin2018#dating#love#me#safe#scared#writinghelp#english#blogs#blogging#writingistherapy amazing art by @melodieperrault buy her art. Duh.
Happiest of birthdays to one of my favorite people on this planet! Thank you for not only being my cousin, but my absolute best friend! I cannot wait for many more adventures and world travels with you 💜