Berry #overnightoats topped with @barneybutter espresso vanilla almond butter , cashews and blueberries ⛄️ —— How do you define a good workout? It shouldn’t be determined by the amount of time you spend in the gym . It shouldn’t be defined by how many calories you burned or whether you feel sore or not. What matters is if you give it your all. I used to feel obligated to spend 3 hours a day in the gym or my workout wasn’t complete . I felt guilty if I left any earlier . Now I can spend 30 minutes in the gym or even a.l good hour and a half and I feel no guilt. And one workout wasn’t always necessarily better then the other. What matters is my attitude that I had. I went in , focused , lifted heavy and was finished when I was finished. Stop feeling obligated to spent x amount of hours in the gym in order to have a decent workout. It’s not the amount of time that matters . It’s the consistency and effort you put into it. Plus your body after an hour of intense activity , your body doesn’t even benefit from pushing yourself. So it’s just time wasted ! So go make the most of your workouts , put down the cell phones and no “textersizing”!!!!
Mangiato pranzo velocemente perchè la nostra ultima lezione è finita tardi e tra poco ho una riunione con il mio gruppo sul progetto d’oncologia. A seguire ho altre due ore di lezione e poi andró a trovare una mia amica per un caffè a casa sua.
Pranzo: •pollo 🐓
•mini pera 🍐
I just wrote this caption all out but it didn’t post soo😔 #morningsnack was a @nature_valley peanut butter granola bar 🥜 I LOVE these especially because I’ve been loving peanut butter so much lately but (tw‼️‼️‼️‼️) I’ve been struggling with a lot of guilt lately. I gained weight too fast and now my body doesn’t look so sick and people act like I’ve been cured, even though my mind is basically as sick as it’s always been. People in my life act as if my eating disorder is a thing of the past even though I’m struggling so much. I have such awful body image all the time. I can’t stand to look at my body; I wear nothing but baggy clothes all the time because I need to hide how big I’ve gotten. I feel so isolated and like I’m not valid, even though that’s silly. I’m sorry this is so negative, but I feel like it’s really important to be honest, and recovery is really hard sometimes. I’m forcing myself to keep going even though it’s really hard. I just feel very out of control...
• “1️⃣” minute = “😄”
• next minute can equal “😠” or “😔” or “😥”
......aka moods can switch “🆙” in very condensed periods of time. Happens to everybody, but for some they “🔚” “🆙” “🔛” either side of the spectrum to quickly/drastically.
* cue Asheru + @talibkweli - “mood swing” *
I had an unwelcome visit from my addict voice yesterday. It was a shock because I haven’t heard from her in a while. She’s a sneaky, nasty, manipulative bitch when she wants to be, and although I managed to quieten her quickly, it threw me for a while.
She came in the form of what felt like a moment of clarity, telling me that this sober lifestyle is a farce. That I’m lying to myself and everyone around me. That drinking was by far the better option and that I’m boring without it. It was so vivid my heart started beating faster and my breath caught in my throat. It was frightening.
It’s always been useful for me to personify my addict voice. I used to imagine she was a beast trying to kill me, now I see her for what she really is: a scared and lonely little girl. A child that lives inside me who was neglected for a long time. Someone I need to look after.
I asked her what was wrong. I listened deeply and realised that her guilt and fear had been triggered by something my son’s nursery carer said today. She didn’t like it and didn’t want to feel it anymore - she wanted me to numb it out with booze. I told her it was okay and we let it go together.
I texted my husband and told him how I was feeling. I called my Mum. Reached out to my sober girl gang. Had a little cry. Got to the bottom of my guilt and fear and let it go.
When I started this account, it felt incredibly important to share what sobriety is like for me - with honesty. And the truth is, even after a year, It’s not always rainbows and sunshine. Sometimes it’s really hard. Sometimes it’s really frightening. And when I’m reminded that my addict voice is still alive and well, it terrifies me.
But I have the tools now to get through it. And my addict voice only stayed a minute, which is bloody amazing compared to the days, sometimes weeks she hung around during my early recovery.
I guess what I’m saying is: it’s still so worth it. Even when it feels impossible. Even when you get thrown. Even when your fuck it button is right on your shoulder, neon and flashing. Keep going. It’s progress not perfection. ✨
I’m Lauren and my goal for my instagram page is to inspire others to live their healthiest, best life possible. For me that meant giving up alcohol. These pictures are a little over two years apart. Left was May 2016 at a TIU retreat where I had the best of intentions going in, as I did so many other times before. This was going to kick off a summer of being healthy and not drinking as much. Instead insecurities and feeling sorry for myself took over when I was in my room by myself with a mini bar. Three months later I asked for help. The right is about a month ago, fall 2018. The road isn’t easy and there are still times when it’s really hard but finally being able to live my life is worth it. If you are struggling with something whether it’s alcohol addiction or not I want you to know that you can change. You are worthy of living your best life. Change is hard, not everyone will understand it but that’s okay. Believe in you.
I hope everyone has a great Tuesday. 🙂
I try to be upbeat, I try to be positive & mostly it works, but today it hasn't.
I am hurt and grieving. Not just the grief of death, but of so many other losses.
I would love to be held and comforted, but that is not on offer right now - it will be later. So instead, I have spoilt myself by making simple foods in the kitchen which has both kept me occupied, but not stressed (they are really simple), and given me something to look forward to later.
Chopped peppers and onions with Creole seasoning, baked in foil the oven and last night’s uneaten jacket potato, with chorizo, garlic, onions & mushrooms panfried in tomatoes. ❤️
In the past I would have turned to booze. In the early days of my sobriety it would have been cheesecake - both of which would have depressed me and made me feel sick - fantastic double whammy of joy!
Now, when I feel low, I comfort me, by myself, with yummy healthy food, kind self-talk, time. the sofa and Netflix. Tomorrow I will feel better, I always do. We always do. Please remember though, it’s what we do in those lower moments/days that determines how much better we will feel.
Love & respect 💕 #TheRecoveryCoach#onelifeliveit#chooseyou
are you guys jealous yet? 😍 I had this GORGEOUS stack of pancakes at @mookpancakes last Thursday when I was in Amsterdam with my mom 🥞🎉✨ I enjoyed last week’s fall break so much!! I really got the chance to rest a bit and like I said my mom and I even spent a night in Amsterdam! 🌷 I’ve really taken some steps the past few days / weeks and I’ve been trying to not take pictures of everything I eat and I’ve been really challenging myself in terms of eating with family / friends !! 💪🏻 I’m very thankful for these little steps but at the same time I’m noticing I’m getting more and more tired of this fight. it’s just never ending and I just really want this eating disorder to stop right now but I know that’s impossible. I just want to be free from this and have some peace inside my head and not have to fight this war each and every day, over and over again. it’s making me all so tired but I don’t really have any other option than to just keep going forward and being strong and patient. healing will come. 🕊❤️
Mi mancava fare fitboxe. Lo yoga mi piace tanto, non c'è dubbio. Ma qualche volta anch'io ho bisogno di tirare due pugni al sacco a tempo di musica, di aprire una valvola di sfogo e di sudare un po'. Tra l'altro non sono giornate troppo facili: non mi sento del tutto tranquilla rispetto al cibo come lo ero stata l'ultima volta qui a casa e anche il rapporto con mia mamma si sta rivelando più difficoltoso del previsto. Ho di nuovo quel senso di nervosismo in sua presenza, specie se mi sento giudicata per quello che mangio (e QUANTO ne mangio, ovviamente) o se percepisco di disattendere le sue aspettative. Mi irrito se mi chiede se ho fatto merenda, se mi domanda cosa ho preparato per pranzo o se non fa altro che ripetermi la stessa cosa con apprensione: "ma c'è qualcosa che non va?" E a quanto pare il mal di testa non è un buon motivo per non essere al top. È come se, involontariamente, mi sottoponesse all'ennesimo ideale di perfezione: dovrei sorridere 24 ore su 24, preferibilmente anche mentre dormo, senza alcun tipo di turbamento, preoccupazione o sentimento che esuli dalla sfera emotiva della gioia, della felicità, della calma. Purtroppo non è così: abbiamo tutti dei momenti più negativi e sia io che mia madre dobbiamo imparare ad accettare i miei. L'allenamento di ieri sera mi ha aiutata in molti sensi, anche a reggere il confronto con mia sorella: so che è sbagliato, ma venire a sapere della sua iscrizione in palestra mi ha un po' spiazzata. Sto cercando di tutelarmi, sebbene le risposte anche non verbali di mamma riescano ancora a farmi sentire in colpa per certe mie scelte. Ma, come mi ha ricordato il mio psicoterapeuta l'altro giorno, io ho un'identità che prescinde dall'immagine che gli altri hanno di me ed è solo nocivo il mio bisogno di definirmi rispondendo di volta in volta a queste rappresentazioni o sforzandomi di assomigliare a che mi sta intorno. Fin quando cercherò il consenso o mi comporterò come un camaleonte confuso, non potrò mai trovare me stessa: non è facendomi di continuo un tale torto che imparo ad amarmi. [In foto la mugcake di stamattina ispirata a quella di @aurora_castiello . La ricetta è nelle stories: era favolosa!]
#breakfast was oats with peanut butter and an apple 🍎 🥜 I have therapy today which I’m really looking forward to actually, because my depression has been really bad this past week, and after that I’m going home!!
Buongiorno fanciulle 💕 Vi sto scrivendo da una delle nuove aule in università e che dire è spettacolare! Moderna, comoda, ha perfino le sedie che si muovono per accomodare chi ci si siede sopra! Beh questo ha allettato la mia mattinata hahaha 😂
Colazione: •yogurt 0% •1/4 mango •caffè
Alles prallt von uns ab, wir werden groß, wir werden stark!❤💪
Wir schaffen das!
Wir sind stark!
Wir haben die Kraft!
Wir sind mutig!
Wir besitzen Stärke!
Wir sind so vieles mehr aber wir alle sind nicht schwach!😘❤ #recoveryisworthit
PUDDING: @thorntonschocs caramel crunch biscuit
Can’t believe I didn’t post this win yesterday! That’s how tired I was! These have been in my snack cupboard for over three months! But last night I had two!! OMG they are amazing! Chocolate, caramel, biscuit, fruit and nut!! So bloody proud of myself!!