hiiiii angels 👼🏼❄️ just to clarify,
IM IN SUCH A CHRISTMAS MOODDDDDD DHDHHDHH
okay anyways 😂 today I had:
~ Christmas rice crispys w/ egg ~ Luna bar
~ ham sandwhich with rice crackers ~ rxbar *one of the best protein bars in my personal opinion ;) 💗* with sum candy ~ chicken and potatoes ~ ice cream
~ rice crackers with orange ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
today was okay! FINALLY A DECENT DAY 😂💓 a few things got to me, but I won’t let anything ruin my journey to happiness. One thing that’s kinda bothering me, is that I have a few friends who always talk about how little they eat, and how they barely eat any food at all. It makes me want to do the same as well, but in all honesty I have no clue wether they are lying or not. But I cannot stress about it. Even though I tell them “it’s really not good for you to starve yourself” they just kinda shrug their shoulders, but I’m okay with that. Because I want to eat. I want to live. I don’t want to put up a fight anymore. I want to have good grades, pretty hair, a working body, a working metabolism, muscle, boobs and a booty, and most of all HAPPINESS! and restricting will give me nothing but pain and depression. What a stupid decision huh? Food is luv, food is yum, food will give you a happy tum 😂💞 sending all my love and best wishes to all of you! xox #beatingana#beatanorexia#recoverycommunity#edrecoverywarrior#edrecoverycommunity#bodypositive#bodypositivity#foodismedicine#recoverywin#recoveryjourney#eatingdisorderrecovery#anarecovery#edrecovery#beatana#eatingdisorderrecovery#edcommunity#eatittobeatit#foodismedicine#recoveryispossible#recoveryisworthit#recoveryfood
Recovery takes a lot of courage. You’re being asked by a treatment team to trust the process - a process you might not yet understand. .
You are being asked to give up coping skills that might be comforting to you, or have worked in the past - but now are being told they are maladaptive and harmful. .
If you’ve had a relapse, it can be difficult to get back on track - especially since you now know some of the difficult work that is involved. .
Wherever you may be on this journey - do know that by making the choice to do this work, you are demonstrating courage. If you have the courage to begin, you have the courage to succeed 💜
📸: Sharon McCutcheon
Easier said than done, I think we can all agree. But it’s about wanting it. It’s about making the time for it.
We’re all busy. Congrats, want a sticker? But we get so caught up in our jobs, our education, our social lives, that we so easily forget to make time for ourselves. We get stuck so far down in these dark places before we even notice. We fuck ourselves. Because we don’t give ourselves the time of day. You are the ONLY person you have to live with every second of every day. Yours is the only reality you experience. Don’t you want to own that? Enjoy it? Make something of it?
How did I get here? How am I 19 months into recovery and counting? Because I started giving a shit about myself. I owned the fact that I wasn’t okay. And I made something of that.
I do things every day to help me get through. I take my medication when I get up. I leave class for five minutes to take a mental break. I listen to “Keep Breathing” by Ingrid Michaelson. I work out. I share my thoughts with you. I write in my line-day-journal. I diffuse essential oils. I sleep with a weighted blanket. And I take my medication before I go to bed.
That sounds like a lot of shit, right? Well it is. Recovery isn’t easy or cute or fun. It’s a daily battle with your mind. It’s convincing yourself that you’re okay when everything within you tells you otherwise. Does that laundry list of things always work? Absolutely not. And that simply sucks. But have I collected more tools to add to that list for when the norm doesn’t work? Absolutely.
These things have all become part of my daily routine. I make time for them. Because I know that if I don’t do these things, I won’t be able to get through work or school or social activities. At first, it was a struggle. I didn’t know where to start. But then I realized that the answers were there. I was overthinking what a coping mechanism was. I was already doing things that made me feel better; I just hadn’t given them a name.
This daily process can be taxing. But making myself a priority is a choice I’ll make again and again. Because I refuse to go back to a place where I can’t remember what happened in my life because my brain blocked it out.
There's a big difference between supporting someone with addiction and enabling them, but the two often get muddled. It's imperative to set boundaries with your loved one to ensure your relationship remains healthy and that you aren't hindering them from recovering.
#Repost @namibucks (@get_repost)
"We can save generations from now by tackling #MentalHealth now" 🙌🏾
You heard @tarajiphenson -- the time is NOW. Don't miss #InSessionLive TONIGHT at 10/9c on @VH1 with Charlamange Tha God (@CThaGod) and Dr. Jessica Clemons (@askdrjess)!
#SneakPeek . 👀
I #VLOGGED my first #WEEKEND and my first #BUFFET experience in unrestricted eating with ALL the good, bad and ugly parts included. I don’t know why it was so hard for me to finally push the button to publish this video. 🤔 Probably because it is so raw and #REAL and #TRUTHFUL . It’s not easy being vulnerable but at the end of the day isn’t that what we all want? Somebody to show us that we really are ALL the same and that we ALL have fears and dreams and demons and vices. Well I’m here to do that. I hope my new video shows that real #RECOVERY is hard work but that #FULL recovery is both worth it and possible, because baby I got my eye on the #PRIZE and I’m not stopping till I get there. 😉💪💜
**Link in BIO. 🔝 Let me know what you think! xoxo. 😘💋
Those I love most are the reason I stay sober and stay grinding; they are the reason I will always keep pushing for more out of life. They have always been, and always will be, my number one reason to be my best self. I will make them proud, at all costs! 👊💯
What a time to be alive. I’ve been spending days in a vow of silence, coming out momentarily to be with friends and to work. Sitting. Discerning. Deciding. Uncovering dusty pain from childhood relationships, feeling it in my body and letting it go with love. Changing belief patterns. Moving slowwwwly. Releasing toxins mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. In that order specifically. On the other side - Light, Bliss, Play, Laughter, Strength, and Passion. I was taught to work realllly hard all of my life. But nothing is worth my health. And I started suffering in many areas. Tapping into parasympathetic, to rest, to go within, to pray, to be silent is just as important as doing, moving, earning, building. Here’s to letting Divinity guide me one breath at a time. 💜 #yogaeverydamnday#efttapping#detox#traumawork#recoveryispossible#onebreathatatime
This year, I’m proud to say I have faced the following fears head on and I’m SO proud of myself: fear of opening up to others, fear of intimacy, fear of failure, fear of success, fear of being seen as weak. I wouldn’t say I’ve conquered any of these 100% and I know I have a long way to go and that these are just a few fears that I must face but, I feel so freaking GOOD....Every time I react differently to something that would have triggered me in the past, every time I make the decision to be brave and let fear of judgment roll off my back. I feel proud, I feel stronger, I feel closer to my authentic self than I ever imagined I could be. Progress is made in little baby steps, one after the next, after the next. It doesn’t happen all at once.
Drop a fear you’d like to conquer in the next year in the comments 👇🏾 half the battle is becoming aware of what you fear 🙌🏾 I hope you all had a wonderful Monday ❤️❤️❤️
I’ve debated long and hard about posting this, which is why I’ve been silent for a few days. I am kind of embarrassed but I have made a vow to you guys to be open and honest. I also realize if I allow myself to be embarrassed by it then I’m playing into the mental health stigma. .
On Thursday I finally consulted the doctor in charge of all my medication about these horrible spells of mental health declines I have been having all year. I told him in detail about my feelings and my anxiety and feelings and as I suspected we made and adjustment to my medication.
After going through 5-6, maybe more, spells of nearly depressive states this year it gets worse each time. It also gets harder each time to pull myself out of them and this one really felt like I was running out of strength and I was afraid when the next one came I wouldn’t be able to pull myself out.
That being said, not only did my doctor triple my dosage on my anxiety medication, but he also added a mood stabilizer into the mix. At first I was a little embarrassed to say because moody girls are considered “crazy” but honestly will take that stigma over feeling the way I have gone in and out of all year. I also wasn’t thrilled about adding more medication and I know a lot of “fitspos” would read this post and tell me what I’m taking is toxic but I don’t care. My mental health this year has been challenging. There are literally thousands maybe millions going through what I am/did and LARGE portion of them don’t get medication as an option. I am truly lucky as others would kill to have medication that makes them feel normal so I’ve come to appreciate it and not be ashamed of it.
I spent a few extra days off social media to try the medicine and let it kick in and see how I feel. I’m out of my own head for the most part and my mood definitely feels like it’s balancing out. Long story short don’t ever be ashamed of taking measures for your mental health including medication. Remember how lucky we truly are if we are given a solution.
Okay I’m in my feels right now so here’s my rant. If someone finds this triggering, I apologize but that’s not my intention. It’s been a year since those photos on left. The past year has been extremely challenging, from having to watch myself go from seeing all the vasculature in my hamstrings/thighs and losing my “6” pack (lol just being too thin) to learning how to cope with my feelings of inadequacy through healthier mechanisms— nonetheless it has been extremely rewarding. The past few months in particular have been tough, perhaps the exhausting semester thus far. I still struggle with distorted thoughts and isolation behaviors, but I’m proud that I have challenged my thoughts around my body the diet culture. Being an exercise science major I’ve always thought I had to maintain a shredded physique. What I have been learning the past few months is TRUE health— the health risks associated with low body fat and weight. I have learned that in treatment yes, but the practical application presented in class and working with @realjohnsongil has truly opened my eyes. The past few months I have put on intentional weight (LOL I don’t weigh myself and won’t🤘🏼 I just know through other ways) after a constant suppressed immune system, inability to concentrate, stomachaches/mouth ulcers, and most importantly— amenorrhea. Here’s to taking health into consideration first, eating what most consider to be “unhealthy” daily (REAL full fat ice cream and desserts), and kicking anorexia nervosa’s booty. Wouldn’t be where I am today without my support systems, shoutout to you all❤️ #edrecovery#recoveryispossible#mentalgains
Y’all know what one of the freeing parts of recovery is? Going on vacation and trying new, yummy foods that are out of your usual “comfort zone” and that you probably never would have tried before! 🌻☀️
We spent the weekend exploring Atlanta and found a yummy hole in the wall place that serves authentic Hungarian crepes! This crepe was called the “turkey veggie”: goat cheese, red peppers, cucumbers, smoked turkey, and pesto 😋
The other day a supermarket clerk food-shamed me for buying snacks after coming from the gym. I was so taken a back I just laughed and shrugged. 🤷♂️
Here’s what I wish I said: “It’s called ‘intuitive eating’, look it up! And FYI, I workout to nourish my mental health, show gratitude for my body and to improve my fitness for sports. I do NOT work out to lose weight. In fact, even if I was trying to lose weight it is none of your business what I put into my body. You sell people cigarettes and alcohol everyday, do you comment on that? Why does my double chin and belly suddenly make it is acceptable for you to judge my life choices? You would never criticise a thin person for buying the same snacks as me.”🎤⬇️
[image description: a supermarket snack aisle]
All pain is our teacher. Pain is resistance to what is happening. Pain teaches us how good we have it when there is none. A man who suffers great bouts of pain is a courageous one. A man who overcomes the suffering and uses every ounce of pain to make himself better is unstoppable. Use your pain. Be unstoppable.
Tag 149: 🇩🇪 Ich habe heute früh mit meinem Psychologen beschlossen, dass ich mich zu Hause erstmal wieder an meinen Essensplan halte, damit das mit dem Zunehmen besser klappt und wir auch alle nicht mehr ganz so angespannt und nervös sind, wenn es ans Essen geht. Allerdings will ich jetzt nicht mehr alles aufs Milligramm genau wiegen, wie vor der Reise, sondern nur noch grob bzw. nur schätzen/messen. Außerdem will ich versuchen jeden Monat 2 Tage ganz ohne Plan zu essen und an den Tagen mit meiner Familie Essen zu gehen. Schauen wir mal, ob ich das schaffe?!
#Frühstück : Aprikosentörtchen und ein Glas Kakao
#Mittag : Kirschtörtchen und ein Glas Kakao
#Nachmittagssnack : Vanillepudding, Möhre und Himbeere
#Abendessen : Nach vielen unbekannten und außergewöhnlich Gerichten, gibt es heute endlich mal wieder etwas total einfaches und primitives, aber trotzdem etwas total leckeres. Nudeln mit Tomatensoße und dazu zweierlei Ketschups 😍 besser als jedes ausgefallene Menü
~ 1 Chillilakritzbonbon,
~ 1 #JoghurtmitderEcke Lebkuchen,
~ 1 #Leckermäulchen Käsekuchen,
~ 3 Zartbitter #Lebkuchenherzen ,
~ 1 #Twix White,
~ 1 #Merci Kaffeesahne Bonbon ,
~ 1 #Rittersport Mini Marzipan,
~ 1 #Toblerone White,
~ 1 #Toblerone Dark,
~ 1 #Daim Bonbon,
~ 1 #KinderHippoCacao und
~ 1 #Mars Eis
#recoveryisworthit#recovery#edrecovery#weightgain#fooddiary#recoverydiary#trytorecover#recoverdiary#recoveryispossible#foodheaven#edfamily#strugglingbutfighting ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 🇬🇧
Breakfast: apricot pie and chocolate milk
Lunch: cherry pie and chocolate milk
Snack: vanilla pudding, rasberrys and carotts
Dinner: pasta with hot tomato sauce and two types of ketschup
Nightsnack: licorice, christmas yoghurt, cheesecake curd, Twix white, Mercibonbon, "Rittersport" marzipan, Toblerone white, Toblerone dark, Daimbonbon, "Kinder Hippo Cacao", Mars #icecream
I do not know what I'm aiming for. I do not know what the goal is and it does not even follow it anymore. This constant struggle on the way to happiness made me realize that there is no point. The more you try, the worse for you. Whoever first says "I love" loses in this mendacious world, and if you show weakness it will turn against you. You have to look hard at the world ... fucking. If I'm to behave like anybody and be any such a small cogwheel in a machine called society, I'd rather fall from the shoe into the church and shout the satan's bible, still fucking from the back to make it sound more ominous. And do you know what would happen later? I would be locked up for motherfuckers I know that this is a fairly powerful example, but only in my opinion it is possible to show how irrelevant it is what you think if the majority is of a different opinion. I think that the words of Josef Goebbels sounding "A lie repeated a thousand times becomes true." They are simply real. If most people say one thing then it becomes the norm and you as the opposing person are different, anti-social, and you have to either repair or close you, even if the reason was on your side. I have recently burned a marijuana, although I should not and feel horrible (bad), I wish all good to everyone. #deppression#ptsd#mentalhealth#mentalillness#therapy#thoughts#support#terapia#depresja#hereforyou#sadgirlsclub#recoveryispossible#mentalhealthmatters#anxiety#powerless#help#fighter
With the holidays approaching and the weather changing, depression and anxiety can rear their ugly heads. It’s a time for giving and gratitude, joy and community, but it can also be a time of great stress for a lot of people. .
It’s okay to be sad or upset during these times! Take care of yourself and use the following tips to get through:
1. Acknowledge your feelings
2. Say NO to events and people that are not good for your mental health
3. Make time for self care such as exercise, warm baths, massages, etc. The turkey will get cooked and the gifts will get bought...stop and take a moment for you!
Tag a friend who needs to see this message!! 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻