I left the home I have known for 8 years surrounded by expensive black city clothes and @louboutinworld heels and a designer @alexandermcqueen skull scarf as gifts from my old Manhattan church. Gifts only appropriate to NYC. Gifts that I adore because a church I loved deeply also loved me for me. I drove away from the lights and the action of the center of the world. I returned home in a new state from my retreat looking out the window seeing the lights of a sunset, hues of cranberry and lemon, that casted shadows over an old barn and silver silo. Here, too, I was surrounded in black clothes but this time it was black capes and hats from the Amish. The complete opposite black style than the city. I intentionally have removed myself from the center of the world and came closer to the middle. The middle of the ordinary world. A world that is both familiar and unfamiliar that will soon become as familiar to me as the center of the world.
I don’t know what it is like not to work. I am in the liminal space of Advent quite literally. I have completed one call and will begin another pastorate at the top of the new year. I get a chance to enjoy the darkness of this purple and blue hued season in a way I may never get to enjoy it again; quietly, without responsibility to lead others into the mystery of the illuminating darkness. I am not quite sure how to rest well this season, but I will try. It’s 11 AM. I am not in heels or a clerical collar or on my way to pray with somebody. I am drinking coffee for myself. Making a list of domestic items that need to be accomplished. Michelle Obama’s book is beside me to read. It is quiet, I can hear myself breathing. That’s different from the last 8 years. I am in sneakers and my work out pants on my way to the grocery store in order to make dinner for my wife and I. I will go to Walmart. I haven’t been to a Walmart in 8 years. I will inhabit this ordinary time of transition and will sink in deep to the darkness for that is where rebirth happens. In wombs and in tombs that is where we wait to bloom ...renewed, rested, and ready. #Advent