I Have Told You No Lies
I’m simply exhausted, old friend
I tell you this almost everyday
My friends no longer enjoy my company
My company is no longer my friends
And I cannot change a thing about it
I’m simply rolling with the punches, I guess
And lately I’ve been punching a lot
With every swing, I somehow bleed blue
With every blue feather, I swing upwards
And I cannot believe myself today
I’m simply surviving this storm, I think
And honestly I’d rather sleep, but I can’t
The moon strangles my eyes when I look
My eyes struggle to look at her face
And everything come cascading down
I’m simply trying to move along, my dear
Past this ridiculous ordeal I got into
Dreading tomorrow as if I’m gonna die
Dreading my dying future, as in tomorrow
And somehow it all comes back to me
I’m simply exhausted, old friend
I don’t know if I have any friends anymore
They all think I lied, or I’m really jealous
The only thing I’m jealous of is their lies
And I no longer have any friends.
|'I don't say what I feel, and I don't feel what I say'. Just think for sometime. Do you really think you say whatever crosses your mind in the first place? Or you backspace it and say things which other person might like or want to hear? Do you really think what you say about something. Is exactly what you feel about it? Or you just say things which others might want to hear? We are in a hypocrisy society where if they do something or say something it's right but if the same thing is done by us it's absolutely wrong. Where if a person is different from everyone else and feels in a totally different way no one can ever feel. They will tell you you are not normal. You need to change yourself and the way you feel. And for the sake of this so called society we begin to hide our emotions, feelings, and just try to adjust in it even when we are not one of them we try to be. And in this process of being like everyone else and feeling like how everyone else feel.We lost ourselves. Our true selves. It's so bloody wrong but it's still right because our "society" says it's the way a person should be. Or else this world won't accept them.There are so many thoughts and feelings that goes in my mind but I really couldn't express it in front of people I know from a long time.To express my own feelings I need to be anonymous. We need to be anonymous.Ever thought why we feel so comfortable in writing things on a page we created by hiding our true identify from the world then telling the same things to our friends or family. Because we fear being jugded. We fear that what if "they don't feel the same way about things like we feel". What if "they will thing I am crazy". And many more what if's stop us from saying anything that we actually feel and we say things which according to "society" one should feel. So a person may not feel what he says but he truly feels what he couldn't.
but one more reality is that this "society" will always try to change the way you are but will never be there for you when you need. They will jugde you make you feel abnormal.
(Continued in comments)
It doesn't go. I try to let it go but one old memory of yours and I am back to square one. Even when I don't have enough memories of you, I still cry myself to sleep nearly every night. We had so little of everything, little time to spend, little moments to weave together, little memories to knit but now when night appears, it feels like I have an ocean of you inside me. There is so much of what I thought was little. There are so many words that you said, there are so many things that you did, there are so many stories which you told me, there are so many poetries which you recited to me and there is so much of your voice left in my head.
There is this voice of yours, that husky voice of yours which always whispers to me when I am having arguments with you in my mind and it just says "Sorry, sorry that it all ended so soon. Sorry that I broke your heart". Even when I know it wasn't your mistake, you were right all along and I was the one who drowned in the depths of your insanely gorgeous eyes. I try to come up but there's so much love and affection for me in those eyes that I am okay with the drowning thing.
The scary part is that it's not real. You aren't real, the arguments are all in my head and the voice of yours fades away when I try to listen it in silence. It doesn't say anything when I am trying to talk to you. It's all in my head. Everything which you said and everything which ever happened, all of it is in the past now and I am living with it.
I am living with present outside my body and past inside my head. All of it becomes scary in the afternoons and sometimes in the mornings when I even have a glimpse of you coming towards me but that's when I close my eyes, I smile at you coming towards me but when I look closely, you are actually walking at the same spot. You don't come towards me and I can't go towards you. I see you walk on the same spot and I keep running at the same spot and I just cant reach to your hand. That's where it's all tragic and sad and scary. I am living in the past chasing you and you are living somewhere in the present. We are in different time zones now and I don't know how to stop all of it.
Я читаю между строк...
Я читаю между строк о твоём разрушеном детстве.
Выжигающий взгляд, пробирающий ток,
В муках израненно сердце.
Я смотрю на картину из рельс твоих кровеносных сосудов.
Ты порезала их под прицелом овец,
Хищно оскаливших зубы.
Ты порезала их и осела на пол в надежде на ясное завтра.
Но твоё тело, больное тоской, оказалось для всех неисправно.
И пока собиралась мозайка из дней, прожитых кем-то любимым,
Я с утратой смотрела на тебя под плитой, названной "Помним, скорбим". #стихи#серый#депрессия#ноги#тело#суицид#одиночество#poems#pain#lonely
Tonight, like most nights
all I see is myself wrenched
wailing and suspiring heavily
just to get hit by some sleep.
And then I wake up
from a sea of dreadful ephialtes
trying to dissolve me,
all I saw was you
fading away not by miles,
but our hearts in distance
and it hurts.
I wish you were here
just to embrace
and show some love.
When I see you an inch apart
The nightmares don't bother me anymore
nor does the cuddles, kisses or anything.
All I wanted was to be in your presence, to feel it
I hear your voice talking to me
when you haven't opened your lips.
We walk with no destination
and I feel your hands locking mine
and sometimes the way you hold my hand
tells me how you will
hold my heart forever.~i💕 (p.c: @_faadxl)
@_faadxl thanks a lot for all your help man💕