it’s quite simple to know where we went wrong. the fucking moment i took you for granted. the moment i thought that you’d always come back to me no matter what. i’m sorry. i’m sorry i was such a fucking bitch. i’m sorry i told you to kill yourself. i’m sorry to have made you think you were less than you were. i don’t deserve forgiveness. i would never forgive someone as horrible as me. i just want you to know that i’ve changed. i’ve changed so fucking much. i would do anything to have you back. i didn’t realize how fucking lucky i was to have someone like you in my life. i guess it’s just who i am deep down. if you dig deep enough you’ll see what a fucking monster i truly am. what kind of sick person i am. i hate being me. i hate being stuck with myself. i’m stuck to live with myself forever. you deseve to be happy. you deserve the fucking world. i’m sorry.
Blimey I need to take note of this some days.....especially when I feel overwhelmed with work! Which is quite often but I always muddle through it, even if it does mean eating my weight in anything that’s going in the house....like I did last night! Food = fuel 😴
you fucking cunt. i fucking love you okay? don’t say things like that. don’t say that you’re fat. don’t say that you’re ugly. don’t say that your smile is ugly. don’t say that you’re worthless. don’t say that you’re annoying. don’t say that nobody likes you. all you’re saying about yourself is lies. lies lies lies and lies. don’t fucking ever try to kill yourself again. i don’t know what i would do. you’re fucking perfect the fucking way you are. you don’t need to lose weight. you don’t need to eat a meal a day. don’t listen to what your “friends” said about you. your smile can literally make my day so much fucking better. when you smile, i smile. when you’re talking in english it is legit the most adorable fucking thing on fucking earth. i smile because of that and you get shy. stop being so adorable wtf? the other day you were with our other co-worker and you guys were trying to kill bugs with rags and one time, you bursted our laughing and i was smiling so fucking much. i don’t understand how you could think of yourself like that when you’re totally the fucking opposite. i don’t want you to be sad. when you’re sad it literally breaks my heart. when you told me that you tried to kill yourself i was destroyed. i can’t really imagine a life without you even tho i haven’t known you for that much long. i want you to be happy. even if i know i’ll never be with you, i don’t really care. as long as you’re by my side for a while and you’re happy, i don’t care. all i want is for you to be happy. you deserve so much more in this world. i don’t know why the world is so unfair with you but things get better. stop. okay? try to love yourself a little. you deserve to be happy.
I have a confession to make... On instagram I post such a positive message, I worry that it sometimes stops me from being real, relatable and most importantly truthful.
I am going to be really vulnerable and honest now.
I hate my nose.
I edit it in many of my photos.
I regularly look into rhinoplasty and I even had it booked once, but I didn't go through with it.
The thing is, regardless of whether or not my nose is beautiful, I am not my nose or my body or even my thoughts.
I am my soul.
I want my actions to be a reflection of my higher self, not fuelled by insecurities, societies expectations, and low vibe thoughts about whether or not people will unfollow me or think I'm not physically attractive.
I needed to remind myself, if people unfollow me about the shape of my nose are they really people I want following me anyway?
So here's my pledge to be more vulnerable, relatable and most importantly true.
I am so grateful to all of you who have connected with me on this platform. The amount of support I get here has transcended all my expectations. 🙏