The other day I heard the quote “Talent is equally distributed but opportunity is not” by Leila Janah. Immediately I thought about things I have learned about eating disorder treatment in the past year in which I have been working towards recovery coaching full time.
There are a lot of people with a lot of beliefs about recovery out there and it has taken me a bit of time to find where my voice fits in it all.
I believe eating disorders don’t discriminate.
I believe that every single sufferer has the intrinsic capability to recover.
I believe one can be recovered from an eating disorder.
I believe I am.
I also know that access to treatment is far from equal which means while everyone may be ABLE to recover, some have a way longer and harder road ahead of them.
Sometimes we believe what we believe so fervently that we forget to keep learning, or we forget how to educate in a way that will be heard, understood, and integrated. We just get frustrated and fed up.
If you’re struggling please reach out to me, look up podcasts, join free online support groups. Access to treatment isn’t equal, my rates are flexible, a lot of therapists offer sliding scales or pro bono slots, and the internet makes it easier to find support for free.
If you’re a provider, how are you educating people on the truths of eating disorders and recovery? In what ways are you helping to close the gap in access to treatment? I am curious!
I don’t know the exact date, but somewhere mid-April 10 years ago was when I left eating disorder rehab for the last time. When I left I for sure wasn’t better yet. Recovery was a really long, slow process. It’s hard to put a day on the day that you stopped not eating so I choose to celebrate mid-April as my anniversary. This photo so perfectly depicts why Recovery was worth it.
Before recovery i couldn’t live by myself without relapsing. I hated dancing because I hated feeling my body. I had no passions. I was incredibly lonely. In this photo I am dancing in Costa Rica assisting a leadership retreat surrounded by people that I love.
I was able to get to the place in this picture because after I left rehab 10 years ago I graduated college valedictorian. I got into a PhD program but opted out because I fell in love with yoga. I met an amazing community of local yogis that made me feel like I was an important part of something. I’ve managed successful companies which has given me the income to afford traveling. I went to Kripalu and met my mentor and have since taken her life coaching school and worked with her, traveling several times to Costa Rica and Vermont.
Since this photo I have started my own businesses. I have been at the wedding of my best friend and the maid of honor at my sister’s wedding. I have held my best friend’s baby two days after her birth. I have little fur babies that I love. I feel more in touch with and in tune with my own body - how it looks, feels, and natural rhythms. .
I am so grateful for being able to go to treatment 11 years ago, and again 10 years ago. To have access to therapists and nutritionists and yoga which has helped me recover. I am committed to helping other people live a full life on the other side of their eating disorder.
Special thanks to my family who isn’t on IG, @cobykozlowski , @alimccue , @powerflowyoga , and everyone else who has contributed to my recovery and my full, beautiful life up until this point.
I choose to call myself recovered and I realize that not everyone believes in that or has the privilege or accessibility to treatment to make that choice.
I choose to call myself recovered because food no longer dictates my life beyond doing happy dances when eating things that I love the taste of.
Because I have zero desire to step on a scale, even when one is sitting next to the toilet I’m about to use at a friend or family member’s house. 🚽
Because my relationship to my body is one of understanding, surrender, patience, and acceptance - even when it changes because I’m getting older.
However just because I call myself recovered doesn’t mean I’ve stopped growing. Growth doesn’t end. 🌱
One way I’ve noticed growth in myself recently is in the way that ease has shown up in my life. Not that all things are easy, but that I move about the world in a more ease-full way. 🌎
I’ve noticed this particularly in the realm of decision making and space. The stress that making decisions used to cause me was equal to the fear that I would feel at night realizing that the next day I had no plans. 🌘
I learned from my mentor @cobykozlowski that if I make a decision that I’m not happy with, I can always make another decision and I think that concept bleeds into having space. 🌫
Last night I decided to take on two last minute clients this morning and I worked them around a yoga class I wanted to take since I’m learning to create pockets of self-care in my day. After my clients I left my house to go to my class and realized that it is so beautiful in NJ today. I drove to the yoga studio and just kept driving, turned around and went to the park instead. ☀️
No big deal. No guilt. No anxiety. Just space and sun and flowers and pops of color.