Its easy to forget how bloody far you’ve come ✨
Nights like this used to fill me with anxiety to the point I would often just not go because of the fear I didn’t know what, and how much, I would be eating and confronted with. Thinking back, what a sad existence having to miss some of the most important times of life 💭
Eating disorders are most often not a choice but we can still choose to fight day in and day out. I hope that if you’re still fighting, you choose recovery because it is so so worth it 🌱🌞
Thanks for the following reminder today, @danasuchow💖
✨Imagine an ad that said, “Hey you! You’re fine the way you are. You look great. You smell great. You’re doing great in life!”
From the perspective of the advertisement industry, that would be the worst ad ever. Because how does that make you want to buy anything?✨
—Quote by Johann Hari, Posted by the incredible Dana Suchow.
Dana always reminds us that when we are feeling negatively about our body to ask ourselves, “Who is profiting off of these insecurities?” 🤯
Would love to hear your thoughts below👇🏻
I am so completely satisfied with how this year went.
Did I get champion? Nope. But for my first year of showing, on a horse that I put all of my effort into, it was a pretty amazing year, with a very special thank you to my little girl lily for trying her heart out all season.
I ended up with 6th regionally and qualified to come to the NEDA banquet and get a awesome green ribbon, a plaque with my average, placing and the year, and some raffle prizes. Some of those including two lessons that I am amazingly grateful for, with @vincent_flores_dressage and @lizcaron42 .
And as always, it is always a fun time to go and see so many familiar faces from the region.🎉💜☺️
Both of these photos represent completely different versions of me. Although there isn’t much of a physical change, the difference in mindset and behaviour is crazy.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
The photo on the left brings me pain; It takes me back to the days where I could barely stand to look at myself in the mirror, yet was praised for my “transformation” 24/7. People would tell me how healthy and disciplined I was or how proud they were of me. Little did they know I was working out until I was sick and restricted my diet down to three foods: chicken, egg whites and vegetables..only to spiral into years of binge eating and self-destruction. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Fast forward to now, 4 years later and we have the photo on the right. This is me finally learning to accept my body and give it PERMISSION to be in its NATURAL STATE💆♀️. I have gained some weight and because of this, some may assume I have “fell off the workout train” but guess what - I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can eat FREELY, move WHEN I want to and HOW I want to, and live life on my terms; not my diet’s. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Has it been easy to get here? No way. Am I forever grateful for the process that has led me to today? YES
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀I refuse to go back to living based on my exercise routine and amount of carbs I eat in a day. Along with the weight, I have gained and nourished relationships, freedom to find my purpose, creativity & clarity, daily fulfillment and the list goes on. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
MY MISSION now is to share and create content for those who are on this journey with me to food, fitness and body image freedom. Feeling trapped by food and exercise is a very dark place to be and I am committed to sharing all that I can to help anyone out there at any point in their journey to freedom. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
One of the things that is super important in this process is changing your mindset around exercise. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
To help with this I have put together a guide that covers 6 wonderful reasons to exercise that have NOTHING to do with weight or the way your body looks. I can't wait to share with you guys tomorrow!😘💖
From the time I have left rehab, I have undeniably gained weight. It’s a stressful concept, to just accept my body the way it is, especially when I’m not happy with it. But when I see this beach, how beautiful it is, with all the rocky cliffs, and curvy waves, I try to remember that “skinny” isn’t beautiful. #edrecovery#neda#skinnyisntbeautifulhealthis#healthymind#portugal
Great nite celebrating NEDA year end award winners! Harry had an amazing 2018 season! Can’t wait to see what happens in 2019 ! ALyshia Gaw he couldn’t have done it without you 😘 #dressage#neda#ponyboy#whatashowseason
Reblogged from @beatingeatingdisorders
This really resonated for me. For so long I convinced myself I wasn’t “sick enough” because I wasn’t underweight. I was restricting daily and purging and somehow I still felt fat. Why couldn’t I be skinny? Why was I still just average, normal, and in my mind heavier than I should have been.
I started questioning my eating disorder and believing that living life as I was, was making me unhappy and I knew deep down I was losing my control of my behaviors. My eating disorder was quick to tell me “You’re not underweight, this isn’t and a problem. You’re still not perfect.” The idea that not being underweight made believe that I was yet again, not enough. I wasn’t thin enough to please my eating disorder and I wasn’t skinny enough to seek help. I was WRONG. if you believe you are “not sick enough” that is the real issue because that means you plan on getting sicker. Having a negative relationship with food or yourself and your body means you deserve to seek help and get better. This is something I have learned through treatment and it has helped me so much. I am enough and I am worthy, and anyone struggling is too.
I love: 1) coffee 2) friends
I’m so grateful for friends who ground me. I’ve been slightly overwhelmed with life lately, and bottling a lot inside. But, after seeing a trusted friend, I feel so much better. Sometimes things aren’t as complicated as they seem in your head. You just need to let it out,
understand it, and challenge it. •
Stay strong 💪🏼✨
Dear fat girls, many people are going to take your existence as a rebellious act. Your confidence as you having a “pro obesity” agenda. Your body as an indicator of a slovenly lifestyle. You’re going to get yelled at, harassed, and put on trial every day. Stand your ground. Don’t shrink to make yourself more palatable to the ignorant and uninformed. Keep on keeping on. I see you, and you’re incredible.
dinner turned out to be not as triggering as i thought it would be & im very glad that that was so. 🥰
goodnight you lovely people. i adore you so much for opening your heart to recovery. this shit really isn’t easy and i believe in you. 💤
kinda nervous for dinner tonight. my aunt isn’t allowed to tell me what it’s going to be and i have to eat it fully. ed is really pushing through at the moment. 😅
“feeling guilty for eating when you’re hungry is like feeling guilty for breathing when your lungs need oxygen. we’ve literally been taught to feel ashamed of our basic human needs. refuse to feel the shame. you are allowed to eat.”
mediterranean salad + kombucha for lunch while with my nanna 🥗👩❤️👩
last time i went to Melbourne with my nanna i had a salad and cried in front of everyone because there was cheese on it. today i ate it and yes i did have thoughts of the oil and fats in it but i stayed present and tried to forget about it. i know salad isn’t the best choice for someone in recovery but i still find eating out difficult and this was still a challenge so 😅 anyway, i finished exams and am officially in year 12!! i feel good about how i went besides for my biology exam which i want to forget about 😂 but i can’t believe i’m finally in year 12. it’s honestly such a big achievement for me as i wasn’t sure if i was even going to pass and now look at me 😇 but yeah, i went shopping today and bought clothes that fit a healthy body and that’s okay 👍🏼 being healthy is a good thing and not something i should be ashamed of. healthy bodies are beautiful and deserve love. i haven’t treated my body with love for such a long time but slowly, day by day, i’m working on loving it. as the famous words from ed sheeran say “before i love someone else, i’ve got to love myself”. so i’m taking that advice and focusing on my recovery, my body & my future. it’s not selfish, it’s taking care of my wellbeing. hope you all are doing okay and sending my love 💓
today’s lunch was a bit of a challenge :// but that’s okay!! i’m having strong ed behavior thoughts but i’m sticking to my 15 minute rule. 15 minutes to find ways to cope and stay strong to my recovery. i believe in myself. this too shall pass 💗
“sometimes, you’ll have a couple of good days. and then it hits you. everything. it hurts to talk, to love, to be. existing is so difficult at times but no one wants to hear that. no one wants to know about the days you spend crying or curled up in a corner somewhere or wishing you could be anywhere but here. we all have our ways of coping with it. we all have our very own acts of survival. our ways of staying alive when we’re in too much pain to feel anything at all. i get it. this isn’t life anymore. this is just about getting through the day. i hope that one day it’ll be something more than that.”
— more than that // r.e.s (via thoughtsintorhymes)
Today we are bringing awareness to how many of us have struggled with some form of EATING DISORDER.
If you have ever struggled with food in any capacity, whether it be binging, purging, obsessing, cutting out “bad” foods, calorie counting, feeling guilty about eating, or any other negative experience/thought/emotion surrounding food in relation to your body...
Would you be brave enough to leave a black heart in the comments below? It’s time we start to realize how many men and women around us are struggling in silence.
xo, Suz & KC
— ed recovery tips for the holidays:
1. initiate a mindfulness routine:
this can help you become more grounded and aware of the mind-body-spirit connection :))
2. keep a daily gratitude journal:
write down 5 aspects of your life that are worth being grateful for! 🌟
3. spend time in the outdoors:
an appreciation for the earth is soothing and restorative 🌲
4. funnel energy into creativity:
art can be a form of therapy to reframe anxious thoughts onto an aesthetic canvas. 🎨
5. reach out for additional support:
when stress levels are high, recruiting a “holiday support network” is vital. 👥
hey guys~! 🌻
today is national survivors of suicide day so i just wanted to take a minute to acknowledge everyone who has attempted and survived, and/or has lost a loved one to suicide. i, myself, have been in your shoes in both aspects. i have taken advantage of my life in more ways than one and have gone all 16 years of my life blind to the fact that i am blessed to be living the life that i am living today. i may not be flawless, my thighs still touch, i don’t have hipbones, and i may not be a size 0 in jeans, but that does not make me any less happy. i am so thankful to be blessed with the gift of being able to have a bad day and wake up to a second chance. every single time. i no longer am seeking revenge on a body that is my own. i no longer disrespect a body that has protected me my whole life. it is the year of loving myself and eating when i am supposed to. you have to nourish to flourish. we still have our whole lives ahead of us. make it count ! 💡🥰
Look who came to visit me again❤️ we may not be able to go on pass tonight because I’m bound by this tube, but I’m still thankful he came. Hopefully soon I will be at a stable point where I can come home, but for right now that’s not in the cards. Anorexia is a bitch. It has destroyed so many relationships in my life, and taken so many opportunities away from me. I genuinely never thought I would get to this point of needing an NG tube to fuel my body because I’m too weak to do so on my own... but all I can do now is fight for my life. This is not a diet, a choice, or a lifestyle. It is a disease. #neda#edrecovery#nedawalk#renfrewcenter
🍕 P I Z Z A 🍕 •As we come to the end of the year I can’t help but think of how far I have come. In the beginning of 2018 I would have never ordered a pizza. I would have eaten a sad salad and drooled over the delicious meals my family enjoyed. I used to think about every bite that went into my mouth and was constantly counting the calories in my head. I convinced myself I was just being “healthy” and “mindful”, when in reality I was depressed and allowing anxiety to take over my life. So today, when I sit at this table and eat this pizza, I inhale the gooey cheese that covers the oh so soft crust. I laugh with my family and order dessert after. I leave satisfied and proud of who I have become. I am so much more than a girl who had an eating disorder. I am strong, brave and will NEVER let food control my life again. 🔥❤️🍕 #pizza#edrecovery#food#foodisfuel#foodporn#strongnotskinny#gains#recoverywin#recoveryispossible#neda#northitalia
💁♂️💁♀️ Repeat after me: You are NOT greedy for wanting and consuming lots of food.
Something I hear all the time within the ED community is the feeling of greed when it comes to eating. Let's stop this notion right now. 🙅♀️🙅♀️🙅♀️
A.) Your body is asking for the amount it needs to heal, repair, and FUNCTION.
B.) The word "greed" implies that you're eating more than you "should" be. Notice the quotations marks around "should." Because there is no right or wrong amount! Your body is in desperate need of food. Feed it lots. 🍔
C.) Feeling greedy is automatically placing judgement and blame on yourself. Both of which have NO place in ED recovery.
👂Ask yourself- Are you being greedy for listening to your bodies needs? Are you being greedy for finally taking care of yourself?
👉And is it "greedy" to not be at war with your body anymore?
Food and greed are two words that are misplaced by each other. Replace the word greedy with compassionate, and see how that feels. 🤗
At the end of the day, eating lots and resting IS compassion for yourself. It's all part of recovery.
— a letter to my boyfriend, and anyone whom struggles with self-image:
i’d like to remind you that you are human. no human is flawless. that being said, that doesn’t mean you can’t be perfect. there will always be people who see you in an idealistic way and those who see you in a cynical way. by definition, perfect is having met all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is POSSIBLE to be. it is impossible to have no defects, a perfectly toned body, straight A’s, impeccable communication skills, and a gentle and loving personality without having a fault in your being. every single person on this planet has a fault. though, to me, you are perfect. you met all areas of perfection in my eyes. you no longer have to strive for a perfectionism that is imaginary. your inner critic may finally walk away from the control panel. you no longer have to feel like hiding away from a body that is your own. i will love you endlessly, and your resilience will continue to astonish me time after time again. 💞