So I guess we all call it #transformationtuesday and typically it’s a story about a #physicaltransformation
WARNING ⚠️ LONG POST .
But You See the thing with me is I never really had issues with my weight, I did gain 80pounds when I was pregnant with my son tho, but that’s because I had a drug problem.... so my story is about a
I started doing drugs at age 15, to numb the crazy feelings I had inside, and to self-medicate, I was diagnosed with bipolar&ADD and I REFUSED to take meds.
I always felt like I never belonged, starting at a very young age. I never thought people liked me, I hated myself and was my own worst enemy. I was filled with self-limiting thoughts, doubts, I was suicidal, Feeing like I was worthless. .
I was a horrible daughter and sister and caused my family endless nights of no sleep and constant worry.
BUT then I got pregnant... and that changed my life! The minute I found out I was pregnant, 5 days before I turned 21, I finally had a purpose, and a reason to live. And I instantly stopped using, which is why I thought I wasn’t an addict. But that is a different story for a different day....
My point is for the past 14 years of my life I have been working on myself, since day 1 of finding out I was going to be a mom. .
I went thru several treatments, lived in a halfway house, went thru counseling for several years, was an active member of #NarcoticsAnonymous for several years. And I am still continuing to grow my mindset each and every day. I have learned to tell the voice of self doubt inside my head to shut the FUCK up!
I am telling this story of mine to show that #recoveryispossible and that mental health issues are real and it’s ok talk about. .
My prayer for those who are suffering may find a glimmer of hope in my story. And know that you are not alone!
We all have pasts and things we aren’t proud of, please know that you can move forward and be the warrior of your life! If I can do it so can you!
Never forget how far you have come, everything you have gotten through, all the times you have pushed on!!
#justfortoday I know my worth. I’ve applied at over 40 jobs since last Thursday. I’ve had a phone interview and an in person interview later this week. Because of my spiritual growth and because of my desire for a better, more consistent future, I applied for jobs that I may be slightly unqualified for because they spoke to me. Just for today, I know my limitations. But I also know my capabilities. #narcoticsanonymous#thenaway#staysticky
Alayna, Tristen and Kensley....
"Above all else, I want you to know that you are loved and lovable. You will learn this from my words and actions- the lessons on love are in how I treat you and how I treat myself.
I want you to engage with the world from a place of worthiness. You will learn that you are worthy of love, belonging and joy every time you see me practice self-campassion and embrace my own imperfections.
We will practice courage in our family by showing up, letting ourselves be seen, and honoring vulnerability. We will share our stories of struggle and strength. There will always be room in our home for both.
We will teach you compassion by practicing compassion with ourselves first; then with each other. We will set and respect boundaries; we will honor hard work, hope, and perseverance. Rest and play will be family values, as well as family practices.
You will learn accountability and respect by watching me make mistakes and make amends and by watching how I ask for what I need and talk about how I feel.
I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude.
I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.
When uncertainty and scarcity visit, you will be able to draw from the spirit that is a part of our everyday life.
Together we will cry and face fear and grief. I will want to take away your pain, but instead I will sit with you and teach you how to feel it.
We will laugh and sing and dance and create. We will always have permission to be ourselves with each other. No matter what, you will always belong here.
As you begin your Wholehearted journey, the greatest gift that I can give to you is to live and love with my whole heart and to dare greatly.
I will not teach or love or show you anything perfectly, but I will let you see me, and I will always hold sacred the gift of seeing you. Truly deeply seeing you!" Love always, Mommy 😘
And many thanks to @brenebrown for changing our lives when it comes to how I approach parenting with The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto❤
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Content credit to AIS American Institute of Stress.
I know I've brought all this on myself but anytime I'm sleepy and falling asleep on the couch or I show any signs of the cold or say something is hurting my family will instantly believe I'm on drugs again and I've took all kinds when I'm not I'm just worn out because my meds aren't working 🤷♀️ #narcoticsanonymous#soberlife#sober#soberaf#soberisexy#wasteofspace#tired
Well damnit if that isn’t the truth. Until you start a different path of decision making, or a different daily rhythm, you’ll always be stuck at the same outcome. I’m super blessed that today I take every different opportunity than I did 9 years ago when I started to get clean. Today I do better, am better, and continue to make better decisions because I’m no longer making the old decisions I used to make. #narcoticsanonymous#staysticky#Recovery#choices