It's not easy to maintain your faith under trial, at least not for me. Six years ago I made a decision to strengthen my faith. The faith I was raised on. But, I feel like the foundation of that faith was rocky for the beginning. When I add that to mental health barriers and having a child in crisis, God is not always going to be the priority. Especially when you are simply trying to SURVIVE. I'm tired of all the pressure I've placed on myself as well as holding myself to a standard of perfection that is unattainable. I hate the fact that RELIGION pushes fear. Fear doesn't motivate anyone. Ironically, it has actually caused discouragement. Having a deep inner feeling that I cannot and will not please God or that my heart is not pure enough to serve him along with the "do this or die" religious theme has honestly caused apathy and at times I actually thought I was becoming an athiest. That's why I say faith is complicated. When the foundation is cracked from the beginning, it can be that much harder to let God in.