Freunde die keine mehr sind. •
Ich bin schuld, denn ich bin die impusive ? Manchmal bin ich aber auch nicht Schuld. Manchmal bin ich nicht die Böse.
Stress mit ihr und ich rede gegen ne wand. Sie ist einfach kacke zu allen. Sie ist wirklich zu einer Person geworden die ihre Freunde nur noch versetzt. Der es egal ist was mit uns ist. Wie sich ihr Handeln auf andere Auswirkt. Sie ist zu einer Person geworden mit der ich nichts mehr zu tun haben will. Sie ist so oberflächlich geworden und ich frage mich an welchem Punkt alles angefangen hat in die Falsche richtung zu gehen. Wir leben uns auseinander. Ich komme nicht mit ihr klar, sie nicht mit mir. Sie kann meine Krankheiten nicht verstehen, respektieren oder akzeptierten. Wie ich es schaffe immer alle Freundachaften Kaputt zu machen ? Vlt ist das einfach meine Fähigkeit. Ich trauer ihr nicht mal hinterher. Sie ist zu einem Menschen geworden der es nicht wert ist.
Ich bin wütend, enttäuscht was sie anderen damit antut. Wie andere unter ihr leiden. Wie man nicht mit ihr reden kann. Ich bin verzweifelt. An welchem Punkt ist sie in die falsche richtung gegangen? Ab welchem Punkt hat sich alles gedreht. Ich weiß, es geht schon lange so. Für mich geht es schon lange so. Diese Fragen diese Erkentnisse. Und jetzt ist es entgültig vorbei. Sie ist kein Mensch mehr den ich in meinem Leben brauche. Denn ich habe Menschen gefunden die mich akzeptieren. Die nicht alles an mir gut finden. Aber die mich akzeptieren. Die mich so hinnehmen. Denen ich etwas bedeute, die mir etwas bedeutetn und wo alles ein gleichgewichtiger Austausch an Akzeptanz, Hilfe und Liebe ist. Die mir Zeigen das ich ok bin. Die mich fühlen lassen das ich für sie ok bin. Das sie mich kritisieren können und trotzdem akzeptieren können. Die mich für manche Handlungen spüren lassen das diese nicht gut waren, mich als Mensch und Seele trotzdem lieben wie ich bin.
Ich muss ich sie gehen lassen und es ist komisch, ich bin nicht traurig, ich kann dem Menschen der sie jetzt ist nicht hinterhertrauern, aber ich spüre den schmerz für meine Freunde. Es ist eine Sache was zwischen mir und ihr. Aber es ist etwas anderes wie sie zwei Freudinnen von mir fallen lässt. ⬇️
Today’s been hard.
Kids have been so awful and I just feel like the world is on top of me.
Sometimes it all gets to much and I can’t cope . Sometimes you feel like you have everything under control but then it all just falls apart. Today the anxiety and depression hit hard . I held on all day for so long and then broke. I locked myself away in the bathroom just to gather myself . I let myself cry it out but still I do not feel any better . I need to go to bed . I need to sleep it off and start again tomorrow.
Some days I think I’m beating it and then others I’m losing my battle . I’m not always brave ,Sometimes I feel alone and no one really understands .
But tomorrow is another day.....
I will wake up tomorrow and fight again.
The darkness will lift and I will start another day 🖤. #bloggerau#mentalillnesssucks#anxiety#depression
@joetracini1 - just saw this on @twitter , and I can relate so much to it bro! -
Depression is one of those things that you have to learn to live with, but some days you get stupid thoughts about the most smallest of things. It's so hard someday to just say! "Mate, shut the hell up! What are you thinking!" And the thought of just ending things can consume you! -
I think that Joe is so great for putting this out there and getting plublicity around depression! -
We all need to be able to feel that we can talk about these things. Because keeping it all inside and locking yourself away is possibly the worst thing you can do! And it's not visible so people who don't have it can not relate sometimes. -
So please if you know anyone who has expressed how low they are. Just be there for them! That's all they want and need! 👍🦁
Today is therapy day. It's the first time back in the therapy room after my thoroughly horrible traumatic dissociative panicked crisis experience on Friday.*gulp* I'm pretty terrified truth be told. 😖 Last night I wrote her some therapy truths in sharpie. I'm going to let her read them all. They summarise where I feel I'm at and also some of how I feel about her as my therapist. I am VERY HONEST and unfiltered, the same in person as in my posts and my messages to friends. Honesty is one of the most fundamental aspects of my identity and personality, but there is ALWAYS a fear that perhaps I dig myself into fairly self-destructive holes with my uber honest approach! I genuinely don't know where to stop with my honesty. I am just honest without thinking, always. That always carries the fear of involuntary hospitalisation! 😉😂😉...but that hasn't happened yet so hopefully my strategy of unusual honesty will continue to work out ok! I am quite annoyed that she let me leave the building on Friday when I was quite clearly not in my right mind, but to be fair to her she had spent two and a half hours with me already trying to calm me down. Eek.😳🙈 I pray today's therapy experience is better. I pray that I am well enough to safely drive home afterwards. I pray I feel safe and don't do anything risky or stupid. I hope it's ok. It has to be better than Friday's bobby dazzler, right?! *prays* 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 Wish me luck! #summerSHINES#therapybond#therapy#traumawork#traumasurvivor#complexptsd#complextrauma#dissociativedisorder#dissociative#dissociation#mentalhealthcrisis#mentalillnessawareness#mentalhealthwarrior#honesty#honest#keepingitreal#authenticliving
Be gentle with yourself and allow yourself to feel. Prioritize your needs and give yourself the same love, attention, and affection you give to others. Medicate with love and intention. And remember, those negative thoughts are fleeting. They don’t define you.
🇺🇸Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. On average in Lebanon, one person dies of suicide every 2.5 days. What you might not know is that most suicides are due to a mental health trouble.
That’s why we decided to launch our first long-form investigation with a special report on mental health. From today till the end of the year, we will publish on a weekly basis stories related to the mental health of Lebanese.
We want to give a million thanks to Raja Sabra, Nadine Bolbol, Miriam Atallah , Leen Farhat and Nadim Abou Alwan for sharing their stories with us and help us understand a bit better what is mental health.
And to make your life easier, we will regroup all their stories and more all on our very soon-to-come website!
If you feel like talking to someone, you can call Embrace's Hotline: 1564 --- 🇫🇷C’est la journée internationale contre le suicide. En moyenne, une personne se suicide tous les deux jours et demi environ au Liban. Ce que vous ne savez peut-être pas c’est que la majorité (au moins 90 % ) des suicides sont dus à un trouble mental. La santé mentale est donc un sujet hyper important.
C’est pourquoi on a décidé de dédier notre première investigation spéciale sur ce sujet. Dès aujourd’hui et jusqu'à la fin de l'année, on vous dévoilera chaque semaine des histoires sur la santé mentale des Libanais.
On tient à remercier du fond du coeur Raja Sabra, Nadine Bolbol, Miriam Atallah, Leen Farhat et Nadim Abou Alwan pour avoir partagé leurs histoires dans cette vidéo et dans toute l’enquête à venir <3 <3 <3.
Et la Grande Grande nouvelle, c’est que si vous voulez en savoir plus, vous pourrez vous rendre (très bientôt) sur notre SITE Internet pour l’enquête au complet. #becauseitmatters
Si vous souhaitez parler à quelqu’un, vous pouvez contacter la hotline d’Embrace au 1564.
#becausewealllovelabneh#wematter#yourenotalone#itgetsbetter#itgetsbrighter#fikkel3a ’deh #suicide#everydaymentalhealth
@labnehandfacts 🇺🇸This past week has proved to us that mental health really matters to you. We were overwhelmed with your comments, support and encouragements on our previous posts on the subject. <3
The thing we wanted to know is, what is mental health exactly? Before asking experts, we went out in the streets of Beirut and asked people around : what is mental health? Or in Arabic: chou hiyyé al sa77a al nafsiyyeh?
Here are their answers! :) We’re posting the expert’s definition a bit later today, so stay tuned!
This post is part of our special investigation on mental health in Lebanon, #LFonMentalHealth . --- 🇫🇷 On l’a vu depuis le début de notre enquête, la santé mentale c’est vraiment hyper important, et parfois c’est une question de vie ou de mort (voir nos posts précédents). Le problème c’est de savoir ça veut dire quoi la santé mentale ? C’est quoi au juste être en bonne santé mentalement? Etre bien dans sa tête?
Avant d’aller poser la question à un psy on a décidé d’aller vous poser la question à vous dans la rue. Voici vos réponses :) (et ce soir ne manquez pas la définition de notre psychologue Aimée Karam)
Mental illnesses are a range of conditions that affect mood, thinking and behavior. In each year, approximately one in every five Australians will experience a mental illness. The most prevalent mental illness in Australia is anxiety. In any year more than 2 million Australian’s will experience anxiety which is double the number of people suffering from depression. It is important to know that if you are experiencing a mental illness to get help. If you know someone who has a mental illness make sure you help them if they need and don’t judge them. #takeastand#mentalhealth#mentalillness#mentalillnessawareness#mentalhealthawareness
When I arrived, I was stripped down and thrown into the shower. My clothes were disinfected. Do I have the bubonic plague? I joked. I had my picture taken after. It’s the worst ID photo I’ll ever have. My ward mates didn’t want to be there. They were handcuffed and driven to the state mental ward.They were there not because they hit rock bottom, but were falling to their deaths. I was there because I was going to hurt myself until I wouldn’t be able to anymore. They were heavily medicated. Doris would wander out of her room buck naked. What the fuck did they give her? They were bored. We spent all day putting together a 1000-piece puzzle. When we got to the end, several pieces were missing. They were lonely. Mary poured her heart out to the aliens in her room. They were gifted. I loved to hear Sharon, a musical savant, play the piano. But she cut her wrists and severed her nerves. Now she can’t hide the bitterness even in the sweetest melodies.They were gorgeous like Cheryl. But the drugs she was addicted to were rotting her insides. She told me she urinated blood. They had dreams. Brooklyn wanted to model for Victoria Secret, but would have to hide the hundreds of cuts on her body. They were hateful. Scott called me a Chinamen and Obama a nigger. He would cry all night, mourning his son who he shot to protect his granddaughter from being raped by her dad.They loved their families. Hector tried to runaway to see his daughter before she moved away. We were miles from town. Hector collapsed from exhaustion and vomited all over himself. They couldn’t escape the prison in their minds. Thinking of my ward mates today still makes me cry. What no one would admit was that they actually liked being in the ward. They had doctors who could help them, friends who could understand them, a community that would not judge them. It was a place in which they could help others even though they couldn’t help themselves. But they couldn’t stay forever. Everyone gets discharged eventually. Back to the real world where they continue to fall and fall and fall...
“Strength is what we gain from the chaos we survive” 💚
A year ago, today, I hit my breaking point; I hit my rock bottom. It has been 365 days since I looked into a metal mirror and didn’t even recognize who I was. For too long I was being swallowed by depression and tormented by anxiety. I let it happen. I self medicated. I gave in. I made choices I’m not proud of. But 365 days ago I decided it was time to take control and get help instead of continue down the path I was and self medicating the way I did. I made a promise to myself a year ago, I promised to give up alcohol (not with any type of deadline). I made a promise TO myself, FOR myself that I could do this for a year then reevaluate my life. No matter how bad my day was, no matter how I was feeling, no matter where I was going, what I was doing, who I was with or what I was celebrating I promised myself I wouldn’t drink. 365 days later and I’ve hit my biggest goal of keeping that promise. I didn’t do this for an award, for praise, or for this awesome tattoo; I did it because I wanted to do something I’ve never been able to do before, keep a promise to myself. And I did it. If I can make a decision like that every single day for 365 days, no matter what the circumstance, I can do ANYTHING. Sounds cliche I know. But during this experience I’ve learned about me, I’ve learned about strength, I’ve learned about self control and most importantly I’ve learned my life is worth living. Strength does comes from the chaos we survive..So for all the others who are struggling, who need someone to talk to, who are going through tragedy or unimaginable pain; I’m here for you. I’m here for a listening ear, for a shoulder to cry on, to celebrate a proud moment, whatever it is. I am here.
Here’s to keeping many more promises to myself, hitting more goals and living the best life because we only have one life to live. Love yourself, forgive yourself and be proud of yourself 💚 Life is so worth living. #mentalillnessawareness#bipolarawareness#strength#sobriety#loveyourself#fightthroughthepain
So many of us are dealing with some seriously heavy shit, without an outlet or way to express how we feel.
I was the most shy girl in the history of ever, who would basically die of anyone talked to me so....literally everything made me anxious.
I didn’t know what was wrong with me and It wasn’t until my first heart exploding out of my chest, sweaty, crawling out of my own fucking skin, anxiety attack that I could even put a name to my demon. ☠️ & for so long I felt broken because I didn’t feel okay. I felt like I constantly had to be working towards this blissful state of being that I could/would never obtain.
Forever less than because I could never just feel okay. 🙅🏼♀️ But friend, here you accepted, loved, & seen as complete and beautiful - mental illness and all.
Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes because someone like me might really need to hear that it’s okay to not feel okay. 🖤
I have been taking medication on and off for 5ish years now. When I first started taking meds I was ashamed and humiliated I thought I was some sort of crazy person to need to take meds. After years of taking them i just got used to the feeling, but thats not what it should have been I should have thought hey im trying to get better and thats the important part here, but I didnt and I hope no one elce has to go through that time thinking there a freak. There is nothing to be ashamed of! I know this now and you all should too.
September 18: This is a photo from a shoot I did a couple years ago about mental illness. We took the photos in my living room which is nuts! Anyway, I think this is an accurate representation of how I feel 24/7. This illness follows me, sometimes in the shadows, other times out in the open. Lately, I feel like it’s been choking the life out of me. I refuse to give up or give in. That’s why I’m going on this break. I need to reclaim my life. | A lot of you have been asking how you can help. Well, here it is. I did not have Short Term Disability insurance in place. I do not have a savings. FMLA is unpaid. I am the main source of income for my small family. I am putting the entire life I built at risk by taking this break to focus on my health. I need help. Two of my closest friends helped create this fund for me in hopes of easing some of the financial burden that is to come. For instance, I need to pay all of my insurance out of pocket while away. If I don’t maintain my insurance, I can’t get better. The first payment is due mid October along with rent. I hate asking for help. I’m ashamed. I’m embarrassed. But I’m also scared. If I don’t take this time to get the help I need, I don’t know where I’ll be in a year. Even if you can’t pitch in, please consider sharing. I can’t do much at the moment for anyone that contributes but I can certainly hug you. Link in my profile and here: https://paypal.me/pools/c/87YjAWcQwg #mentalhealth#mentalhealthawareness#help#mentalillness#mentalillnessawareness#depression#anxiety#crowdfunding#campaign
When I was first diagnosed with my disorder I was 9. At this time in my life I did not understand what a mental disorder was and thought I had done something wrong. I thought i had failed the test my diagnostician had given me. I rember my mum crying and at that time I thought it was cause I did something wrong. Not for a second did i think it was because my mum found out I was sick. My point is having a mental disorder is not a failure its just anothe bump in the road that we have to get over. Even though alot of my disorders will be with me forever I will have to learn to live with them and I know others can too.
Excited to be part of the planning committee for @namibaltimore 35th ANNIVERSARY event. On September 27th, six compelling storytellers will share how their lives have been impacted by mental illness. For tickets visit www.namibaltimore.org or call the Baltimore Center Stage Box Office - 410-332-0033.
Today I started a process I’ve been dreading for awhile.
Letting my pink hair fade. This is after several washes in the shower today with extremely hot water and all of the stuff your stylists tell you not to use on your hair.
This summer has been hard.
Harder than I can probably find words for.
My anxiety, no matter what I do, stays high all the time. My normal go-tos are just not working. So I’m putting some things in order to try and do everything I can to get through this.
Part of that is looking like “me” for a while. I love my pink hair and I’ll be pink again someday. Maybe in a year, a month or a week. But for now, I’m working my way back to “me”, hair and all.