I hit 118lbs and I'm struggling with accepting that. It just derives from disordered eating habits that are hard to break. I'm getting better, I just have to take the days one at a time. Depression is also weird how it drains everything out of you but here I am just winging it 🤷🤷😂
I just wanted to thank the people who reached out to me because of my previous post. I've hit an all time low again and I don't know how to help myself anymore. but the positive feedback I got really reminded me on why I started my blog 3 years ago and why I decided to make this page also. All my followers are such a blessing and it's so good to see that people actually pay attention to what I post. I never created that post out of attention or anything, just wanted to post something raw on how I was feeling. I apologise if it was s trigger for some people, that was not my intent. I obviously lost some followed due to it...which really sucks but that's life. ☮️
Pic credit: @wedorecov3r .
So true! And let's be real... it isn't all about us. I've learned in recovery and life that I'm really not that important and it's totally ok. Those in recovery from mental illness, addiction and/or both are often empaths. We feel soooo much. It's not a bad thing! It's a gift. But we must realize others are not always the same.
Many times, people will say shit to us in recovery and think they are being helpful but have no clue what we are going through. We have to let that roll off of us and remember our mission is to get better and be kind to ourselves. It's hard bc we are sensitive but we gotta learn to do it.
Example: last night, my son had a little headache. My sister looked at me and said, he needs to go be outside. Take him to the park up the street.
Now...she knows I am battling a fear of driving and being alone but it didn't stop her from rolling her eyes at me and saying "poor child". THAT SHIT HURT TO THE BONE!!! I beat myself relentlessly for my illness possibly affecting my beautiful 8 year old son! I feel like the worst mother ever bc I am fighting ptsd, panic attacks and depression. I've addressed this in therapy so many times, my therapist said I could bring my son in to talk for my peace of mind.
Ethan is loved, spoiled, has everything he needs and wants but I want to give him a healthy mom. And I will.
But comments about my abilities as a mother during crisis recovery are not helpful and sometimes detrimental.
BUT...instead of stressing about that comment all night long until it resulted in a panic attack, I reminded myself..." that was her opinion. She isn't trying to hurt me. But doesn't know how to help me. I am getting help. Ethan is fine. I am going to beat this. I am being proactive." After meditating for a few hours, I went to sleep and now, I'm not worried about it.
So, be wary of listening to others opinions of you. Get to know yourself first! Love yourself, flaws and beauty and everything in between. Once you've conquered that, those "opinions" will bounce right off. I promise!
#Repost @selfcareboxes (@get_repost)
Tomorrow is #selfcareboxsaturday ! You still have time to apply, entries close on Saturday at 4pm est. right before the draw!
•To enter our weekly draw for yourself or a friend all you have to do is message us a couple sentences about yourself and how one of our #selfcareboxes can help. You may reapply each week, no need to resend anything about yourself when re-entering, just say you’d like to re-enter the weekly draw!
•We will be drawing 5 names and will increase the number of recipients as our funding grows! (US only currently)
•As always, we are a nonprofit charity. All boxes sent to those struggling with mental illness are made possible solely through donations. Aka, if donations slow down so does this charity! Even a $7 donation covers shipping fees to a deliver a box to someone in need. You can find a link to our GoFundMe on our page.
•We are always looking to collaborate. Don’t hesitate to message us if interested in contributing or collaborating!
•We are thinking of sending a little something special to every person who donates, no matter how small. What do you guys think?
📦Self Care Boxes📦
Sometimes a puzzle piece will fall into your life that connects many many things from your past and current life. These pieces can be enormous, like the realization that you have had a highly impairing mental condition your entire life that you didn’t realize you had. It’s ok to be scared. Change can be scary. But it is also a gateway to a better you, a better life, a better path to manage what you now know and use it to better yourself. I have struggled with ADHD my whole life but due to not being in a regular school system or in constant social scenarios (and the misinformation and stigmas out there) I had zero idea that that’s what was happening. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I was not a bad kid. You were not a bad kid. If you’re reading these and think they sound familiar, look more into it. I’ll be posting books and other resources that help me as I find them. 90% of adults who have ADHD have no idea they have it and over 66% of kids with ADHD will carry it into adulthood. You don’t have to live scattered, overly dramatic, anxious, or feeling like a failure because you can’t finish anything. We are all in this together and I love you and myself just the way we were born. EDIT: I have @harto to 100% thank for her beautiful book #buffering that gave me a window into adult ADHD and led me to the research I have found and the realizations about myself. Forever grateful. 💕💕💕 #adhd#add#adultadhd#mentalhealth#healyourself#loveyourself#supportyourself#research#anxiety#scattered#mentalillness#mentalillnessawareness#mentalhealthawareness#lgbt#lgbtquia#love#life
Poignant and powerful words by @digbyjim, the founder and chairman of @eventsafetyalliance x @linkinpark production manager 🙏🏽 // #repost @digbyjim
This day defines neither him nor us.
It’s all the days, all the singing, all the cheering, all the tears, all the laughter, all the mosh pits, all the jumping, all the applause, all the family, and all the love in-between that is the man we love.
🙏🏽 // #repost @linkinpark ・・・
To our brother Chester,
It has been a year since your passing—a surreal rotation of grief, heartbreak, refusal, and recognition. And yet it sill feels like you are close by, surrounding us with your memory and your light. Your one-of-a-kind spirit has authored an indelible imprint on our hearts—our jokes, our joy, and our tenderness.
Eternally grateful for the love, life, and creative passion you shared with us and the world. We miss you more than words can express.
M, J, D, R, B
In case you or someone you know needs support, here are some resources:
Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK
Repost from @anxietyscribe using @RepostRegramApp - Anxiety is defined by fear. A horrible, horibble fear of what is coming, fed by a strong belief that we are not able to cope with any of those scenarios and that if we stay en garde all the time, we will be able to somehow avoid all the bad things that might and will happen.
And we know that. We know it's just our minds, taking over control and stopping us from living in the present and prepare for anything that's coming. But it's still way too strong sometimes and it seems so real that we just fall for it.
Fear is the actual root of all the damage that anxiety does in one's life.
That's why, we need to acknowledge this particular thing, we need to be aware of it everytime we fear something, everytime we question something, everytime we are about to refuse to move forward because of our fear.
Maybe we won't be able to let go of it but at least, we will be able to act against it and see something great happening on the other side. And maybe, by doing this repetitively, we will be able to convince our mind that not everything ends up tragically and that there might be actually light in the future. .
[image description: a photo from Anxietyscribe of a grey to orange sky. There is a woman leaping , as well as several birds flying, in front of it. They are in black silhouette. There is black text over it that says, “Don’t let your fears keep you away from freedom.”]
Social media is an interesting thing. It connects us in numerous ways and it also delivers messages. Some are are advertisements based on your online behavior and habits but others are curated by the user. Perhaps you follow individuals whose content sparks anger, disappointment, jealousy, or shame. This may be an influencer or even a friend but if the exposure consistently makes you feel bad it may be something to explore or perhaps unfollow ✨
Are Saturday introductions a thing? Well, today they are! This is my husband, Brandon. Often referred to as ‘B’ or @mullinsbr. He’s my high school sweetheart, turned husband of twelve years, and father to our crazy cute kiddos. He loves Jesus, Captain America, cheese boards, good beer, and advocating for mental health. He currently works in customer service and is taking courses to finish up his degree in Human Services and Addictions. His life journey hasn’t been the easiest to navigate, but here he is, living his best life - which we’ve learned there’s always time left for. ❤️⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
If you’ve followed us for awhile, you may know that Brandon has a bipolar diagnosis, characterized mainly by depression and severe anxiety. His lowest low (and mine) was when he tried to take his own life two summers ago. It was a horrible time, agonizing for both of us, and our marriage came near death, too. 💔 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
By the grace of God, supportive family and friends, therapists, doctors, and the right medication combo, Brandon is thriving. Does he still have bad days? Of course. Anxiety is ever-present but managed, and he isn’t living in the grips of depression right now. Our marriage has endured valley after valley, but we stand firmly in the truth of our vows and are committed to working though mental illness, marriage and life together. 👊🏽⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
We share publicly about these trials because there is unnecessary shame and stigma associated with mental illness, and we want to be part of the mission to change that. If you want to learn more about Brandon and his story, follow him at @mullinsbr, visit his blog Walk x Faith (linked in his profile), or check out the Mental Health InstaStory highlights in mine.☝🏽⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
And, if you need help: tell someone. If that someone won’t give you help or doesn’t understand your need for help, tell someone else(s) until you get the help you need. We’re in this together.🤗
This is from my good friend, Nicole (@soupernic). Please do whatever you can to help. No amount is too small. Thank you. ❤
It kills me to have to break this news. A week ago today, my 17-year-old cousin, Austin, completed suicide. He was declared brain dead on Monday and he has been on a ventilator ever since so he can hopefully become an organ donor. My family and I are absolutely devastated and beside ourselves. Unfortunately, the years and struggles he endured were largely out of our control and we couldn't get him the help he deserved for too many reasons. Austin's older brother Justin's girlfriend, Gina, kindly created a GoFundMe page for Austin's medical and other costs (link is in my bio). Any little bit would help. I'm so saddened by this because I was so close to being in this situation when I was around his age and we lost Austin before his life really began. Also, this unfortunately wasn't the first suicide in our family as we lost my Uncle Rick to it when I was young. Please check in on your friends and family. Be there for them and make sure you involve then in your life/activities. Take care of and love one another. Thank you.
If anyone needs help, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (U.S.) is 1-800-273-8255.
this is so important. illnesses of the brain need treatment and medication just like any other ailment. you wouldn’t feel ashamed to take a pill for a headache, so don’t feel ashamed if you have to take a pill to stop a panic attack or to help you get out of bed every morning. do not feed the stigma, rise against it.
We've all been through hell and back at one point or many in our life. Some are still there. DON'T GIVE UP!!
Believe it or not, there is a reason for it. Believe it or not, there is a lesson in it. I wanted to give up many times, a few of those times I tried to give up permanently. But there was a reason that didn't happen, a reason I survived, a reason that I didn't quit.
That reason is all of you ❤
Through a few people I met and my coaching, I have slowly started to come out of my shell, get rid of toxic relationships and learn the true value of my worth. Through that, I've started to lose my shame, my embarrassment. I have started writing about my life, ALL of my life and writing from my heart.
I've started to open up about my traumas, my addictions, my struggles with BPD, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain, etc. Through that writing, I have had others reach out to me telling me of their own struggles and that by reading mine, they didn't feel so alone or finally started coming out about their own pain or even that they decided not to end their own life.
If that isn't PURPOSE, I don't know what is!!
Don't give up! I never, ever imagined that my pain would eventually be my purpose. There is someone out there who needs you. Someone who sees your story, your thoughts, your poem, your song, your art, etc. that can relate, that it brings comfort to, that it could save!!
You have a reason to be alive. You have a purpose in life. Don't let your struggles and pain cloud what that reason might be. You may not see it now, it took me 45 years to realize it, but IT IS there and if you keep on fighting, you will find your light from that darkness too....