For the first week or so after the little one was born it was almost physically painful to be apart from her. My hearing was incredibly attuned to any noise she'd make - the slightest squeak was audible across the house or from outside. That intense connection, that feeling that part of me was outside of me, gradually dissipated - or at least, it seemed to. But then this week I wondered why I couldn't sleep if she wasn't right next to me, and why she starts crying if I step more than a foot away. I'm sure part of it is anxiety - I'm awake wondering if she's still breathing, she's worried I'll walk away - and part of it is habit, since we're never apart. But maybe that connection I felt right after she was born is still there, and maybe it always will be in one way or another. It's exhausting and relentless - doing little things like taking a shower or carrying more than one item at a time are almost impossible, simple daily tasks take an inordinate amount of time, and I literally never have a moment to myself. I get frustrated and tired and resentful. But I wouldn't change a thing. I don't know if all mothers feel this way, or all babies act this way. I don't know how any stay at home mother ever gets anything done, or what will happen if we have another child. I don't know when she's going to sleep alone at night or when she won't need me every moment any more. Maybe she'll always want to be close, or maybe she'll start walking next week and want to run off and explore. All I know is that we're both at our happiest when I don't fight it, and that this bond is the most powerful, beautiful thing in my world.
Photo by @paul.metzgar
This light. I am learning to love the sunlight in my photographs. Using the flares to capture magical sunlit moments. Little Mimi in her @tsiomikkids dress, gathering heather and watching her sister and friend climb up a big tree. Those little unplanned candid moments can be the most endearing. She also had the fit of giggles which you shall see on future photographs from this shoot 💕 #tsiomikkids#roydoncommon
We tend to just wing it in the holidays, we don’t make lots of plans in advance and just see what we feel like doing. On Monday we all felt the need for some fresh air and went to @ntkedlestonhall where we had a really relaxed walk around the fabulous grounds then stopped for a cup of tea while the girls played on the lawn, before having a nosey around the hall itself. It was really lovely and relaxing (except for when I realised I had dropped my bank card out of my pocket somewhere in the grounds, oops! But some lovely kind person had handed it in, thankyou stranger!) and just what we needed. Unfortunately since then the two little girls have gone down with a sick bug and have been taking it in turns to throw up 🤢😷🤮so it is Puke Central round here at the moment and I’m going slowly crazy with cabin fever and the total lack of sleep.
Blue hair is now history, back to blond 😜 Is everyone ready for back to school? 🙈 Not yet? 😜 Well, that’s ok, we’re not either, but we’re slowly getting there! 🙌🏻 Good thing the shoes area is pretty much covered, his @kickersuk are now ticked off the list 🎉
With a focus on timeless design and a true sense of style, his new pair is a smart choice for kids of all ages. Lucas is already testing his while climbing and running all day, every day, but that’s cool because they’re super resistant. He had a pair before and it was very durable, keeping his feet healthy and protected, plus they’re really cute, matching pretty much everything in his little wardrobe 😇 #AD#everydayadventures#backtoschool#schoolgear#londonmum#bloggermum#mumblogger#instamums#schoolboy
A friend recently told me a fantastic parenting analogy (special shout out to you, Laura!). She described every parent as having their own elastic band with their child. There's only so far you can let your child wander until they start tugging on the stretch of your elastic band and you have to run after them. Some parents' elasticity is really stretchy, and some parents have a much shorter rein. Your elastic band may vary depending on all sorts of variables and there's no right or wrong. But we all have one.
I think the same can be said for patience. Some days I have bucket loads of the stuff, and other days, only a thimble full. I was somewhere in the middle today. Maybe a jug full? It took Pickle half an hour of faffing around in the car after nursery pick up for me to get him into his car seat. I didn't really mind for the first twenty-five minutes, and then my jug was empty and I was a bit fed up of crouching in the foot well trying to reason with a two year old who had just discovered the car horn, and was systematically pressing every button on my dashboard.
What size patience vessel have you got today?
This photo was taken three months ago... I can't belieeeve how different he looks now! I kinda miss his long hair a bit seeing it here, the much-loved clothes he's wearing no longer fit and he's so much taller and slimmer now - wah never mind where's my baby, where's my toddler?! I was watching the twigs play together earlier and thinking they really are proper little children now 🙊 So proud of them but jeez how fast does time wanna go 😭😭
Instagram caption: long sunny days spent exploring beautiful Prague. Can’t believe the holidays are almost over 😭.
Real life caption: Shortly before I took this photo, we went to Střelecký ostrov - one of Prague’s many picturesque islands. As my two little tikes went galloping over the lawn giggling, I was pretty much thinking the above ☝🏼. Then I saw that my little girl was getting close to the water so I started to run. And that’s when I felt my foot slide straight into a huge lump of dog 💩 while wearing open toe sandals 😱🤢. I couldn’t even stop running as I didn’t want 💩in between my toes AND a drowned toddler. •
And there’s my metaphor for the summer holidays (well for today anyway). A few moments of joy and beauty alongside a lot of running around and 💩. 😅
On the upside, having children meant I had a whole lot of wet wipes in my bag 🙌🏼😂😂. How’s everyone else’s day going? #uniteinmotherhood
If I’m being honest: Sometimes I worry that Gatlin doesn’t love me enough. I want him to love me most - more than anyone else. I take it to heart when he reaches for someone else, and I take him out of bed at night to snuggle him because he’s too busy to cuddle during the day. Adults are just big kids...with more baggage and unhealthy coping skills.
Raising this little man, this incredible tiny human, is a mind game. Motherhood is messy. I continually show you my honest attempts in the hopes that you can relate. I wake up every morning and keep pushing to be a better mom because he is so wonderfully worth it. They all are. Motherhood is messy, but pretty freaking magical too. ✨
It's just me and these two tonight. Chloe has gone for a sleepover at her bestie's house and Dave is working away. It's amazing how quiet the house feels!
Everyone has been at childcare today, in theory so I could work but I actually just took myself off to Leeds to get myself a long overdue restyle (pop over to my stories for a peek!). I did manage to squeeze in a few hours work this afternoon replying to emails and making a start on a new blog post which I'll try and get finished tonight if I can shake this stinking headache!
Two more sleeps till @justsofestival!! ❤️
1 exam down but turns out the other one is tomorrow 😫😫😫 100mile trip Margot has been an angel today despite waking up at 5am with us when we were hoping for an hour alone to get ready. Literally so exhausted what with stress of exams plus making sure she is given enough attention it's draining. 1 more day and then she will have mummy back full time 💕
Who said having a 5 month old, who is mid weaning and trying to do a degree was easy? Im telling you now it's not. But when I get my degree in a year and a half I'm going to be so proud and it'll make my life so much easier and still have enough time and money to treat Margot #determined
Back to trying out new hairstyles 💇🏼♀️ for Squidgy and this 👆🏼 was super easy 👌🏼 and so quick, which was great as we were running a little late 😅 after my alarm ⏰ didn't go off this morning for our PJ Masks event.
Hairstyle: Inspired by @hair4littlegirls
When people pay hundreds for that ombre effect and spend hours trying to achieve the tousled 'I tried but haven't tried' look and my girl has the audacity to wake up like it 😱
Flower crown @littlebeauxoxo
Wish we were still at the beach. Just digging in the sand, or swimming, or chilling.
This special wee guy has turned seven and he requested a family day at the beach to celebrate. Can’t believe he’s seven!!! 😘❤️🎉
Do you let your kids decide how to celebrate their birthdays? It’s the first time I’ve given any of them a choice between a family day or a party. I was pleased he opted for the low stress option!!