I showed my managers my sh on my arm and I’ve never seen them act like that before they was straight up like ‘omg that’s so deep do you know how many layers of skin you’ve cut through?’ And I was like nah hah and she was like 4/5 probably more what!!! They’re so bad. I can’t believe it. You’re really bad rn and I was like nah it’s fine I’m fine haha.
Then I can’t really remember much but they suddenly went ‘we’re taking you off the department for a while’ (cause I work with knives) and all I remember saying is ‘nah I’m staying you’re not moving me’ and I blacked out I don’t remember anything else but I was shaking and crying and so scared and angry and then my manager told me after that I freaked out really bad and I was like nah I didn’t I didn’t she and my other manager was like you really did... Then they were like you have 2 options; 1. You stay on the department being watched to see if you worsen and you give us the drs number cause obviously he isn’t helping and you’re like 99% bad and anymore and you’re gonna crack so we’ll go with you to see him. Or 2. You come off the department onto another (to which I replied straight away - oh I’ll shoot myself in the head now shall i? Wrong thing haha..) but you won’t have a safety knife & I was like funny I have no nails how am I opening boxes? Then she was like good point. And we will refer you to a well-being thing. so I was like what happens if I say no to them. And my manager went ‘Ive been advised by a personnel manager to ring for an ambulance because you really are that bad!’ I was like crying at this point & panicking so bad & was like ‘but I’m not, I’m okay it’s fine I’m fine’ & she went ‘it’s not fine who self harms, doesn’t eat anything, hates their body, has these thoughts? It’s not normal... you’re basically killing yourself now without directly killing yourself, you really are so bad... why don’t you see it’ & I went ‘because if I see it then I’m acknowledging I have a problem & I’m too scared to face it’ then they were like let us help you.
So I obviously stuck on the department & she rung my doctors & requested an emergency appointment early one Wednesday morning and they’re coming with me../: