Wednesday -> Today
Take me back to coffee ☕️ and journal 📓
Take me away from this couch where I lie day after day, week after week... curled up in a foetal position....
Take away the meds, the need for them, their side effects
Take me back to having hope for a fruitful future
I don’t want this chronic illness! How do I send it back?
Not coping today because I’m huge and gross - bloating has me not only doubled over in pain, but I pass as 6 months pregnant. It’s been getting gradually worse and worse but it’s getting ridiculous.
Not coping today because I’m useless and pathetic - it hurts to move even breathe... I can’t get off the couch. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. Never mind all the things I thought I would be doing by now... driving; studying; working; flatting; training...
Not coping today because life is cruel - I lost all my teens to mental illness and now I’m losing my 20’s to a failing body... crippling pain around the clock; constant nausea; hideous bloating; bed bound days from fatigue and dizziness.
Not coping today because my life is a joke - crutches and meds and appointments. Can’t make my own bed; unreliable; losing all my friends; losing my dignity, worth, identity...
I’m not coping today and I can’t even think of a way to sugarcoat it or twist it to a positive.
This life is brutal.
I live an invisible war against my body and mind and have done every second for the last 14 months and counting.
I cried to mum. I washed down more pills with more sachets and am back curled up on the couch trying not to throw up what I’ve taken.
This is not living.
This is not what I fought for, so I guess the fight is not over yet...
#NSV Today was the first day I’ve been to an amusement park since I was child and the first time I have been since I’ve lost close to 100lbs. When I started gaining weight I was terrified that I wouldn’t fit onto the rides, so I simply just avoided them.
Today when I sat on my first ride and everything clicked into place how it should I can’t quite explain the feeling I had. But it was amazing and honestly it makes all the hard work and dedication to this journey so worth it. Nothing can ever replace the quality of life I have gained!
There are days when things just become unbearable. I mean, I try, honestly, to keep everything going, on a positive note, to be patient, to work hard, to understand, to keep quiet, everything and anything that should be done, tried and attempted. I doubt that some people realize how easily they can ruin things for someone.
People get tired of it. I get tired of it. Patience and understanding can only go so far sometimes. I wonder why I always feel somehow shortchanged with everything. Its not a nice feeling, nor are these nice thoughts, but almost every day I’m reminded, one way or another. Sometimes I’d like to feel that I get the attention that I should be getting, I’d like to feel that I’m at the center of someone’s thoughts, even for maybe a day, or even just an hour maybe. I’d like to sometimes get that support that I’ve never had from anyone else, and sometimes I’d like to have my way, even with the pettiest of things. Give and take, that’s what they always say. I’m not sure I know how that feels like right now.
TheDestinyChild101 Is Typing... Dear fake friends,
Honestly when i met you i thought we would be friends forever. Turns out i was wrong.
I've been punched, beaten, lied to, talked about and used by you. You only want to bring me down.
You are not real friends and you will never be real friends to me.
And yet i proceeded to trust you and thought that you could be there.
I was wrong...Again.
I have found real friends who have actually cared about me and will proceed to be there my entire life.
You were not the right ones for me.
And that's ok.
So here is my finale question for all of u.
Why wasn't i good enough? *repost to share the love between your awesome friends*
People often tell me that I always smile and have a zest for life... The truth is I enjoy my life... but sometimes my disability can get the better of me and challenge my self worth and overall well being. Tonight for no real reason, was one of those nights. This picture doesn’t show much. But maybe it’ll show that even the people who seem the strongest, struggle too. #MyLife#KeepGoing#KeepFighting
No one said it would be easy. There will be days when it feels like you took 3 steps forward but 6 steps back. There will be days when you question if the mental pain is worth it.
Well I am here to reassure you, you ARE worth it! The feelings of uncertainty ARE normal! You are NOT alone.
We must face the darkness in order to find the light. 💜 Keep fighting every day, my friends. You deserve to be free. You deserve to be ALIVE 💜
A lot of life hinges on belief: belief in yourself, belief in others, belief in the circumstances and how situations will end up. You HAVE to believe that good will come, and if you do, it will. Your mindset determines the outcome. Positive thoughts translate into positive results, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy. As difficult as it can get to maintain that belief when results just aren’t showing, if you continue to hold fast, you will be rewarded with success. Maybe a different kind of success than you anticipated, but success nonetheless as long as you accept it as such. Don’t give up, don’t give into the negativity that plagues the world. You can do this, it will be okay. Stay strong lovelies!! 😘💕