Let me start by saying that this may have been one of the most draining weeks of my life.
I started my new management training program on Monday, worked three days, and then already quit by Thursday. It wasn’t what I expected it to be and now I’m in a really shitty life situation where I don’t have a job and I actually have to pay for things on my own.
From those three days, I was bending, folding, squatting, and walking all day for 12+ hours a day. My body was aching and overall physically drained.
Within those three days, I wasn’t ever trained. I was supposed to be learning how to run a kitchen, but instead I was being told to do things but not shown. And then getting in trouble for not doing those things in a timely manner.
I also hadn’t slept enough, was mentally depressed, anxious about the next day, anxious about paying for finances, anxious about my family and friends opinions, sad about my mother’s disapproval, and many others. I have a combination of a million thoughts running through my head because of my anxiety, but also no thoughts and not a care in the world because of my depression.
It’s a bad situation. I have a meeting with my boss’s boss on Monday to see what other opportunities there may be. If not, I’m pretty much screwed. But I have decided that being unhappy in a job I don’t like, isn’t worth being unhappy in my overall life. It may not have been the politically correct decision, but it was the one for me.
Why am I so passionate about functional medicine? Because it works. Treating the cause rather than the symptoms. Using biochemical pathways to help the body heal itself as it was designed to do. One of the teachers at the course I just completed can inpire anyone. She is a Doctor who was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, wheelchair bound and told she would never walk or practice medicine again. That was until she found and healed herself with functional medicine. Dr. Wahls is a patient with secondary progressive multiple sclerosis, which confined her to a tilt-recline wheelchair for four years. She restored her health using a diet and lifestyle program she designed specifically for her brain and now pedals her bike to work each day. She is the author of The Wahls Protocol: How I Beat Progressive MS Using Paleo Principles and Functional Medicine and the paperback, The Wahls Protocol: A Radical New Way to Treat All Chronic Autoimmune Conditions Using Paleo Principles. Dr. Wahls teaches the public and medical community about the healing power of intensive nutrition. You can learn more about her work from her website: terrywahls.com.
Monday Mindfulness with BipolarMom:
WHO AM I???
Sometimes I don’t know who I am😕Seriously who am I? I was born one way, then something was opened inside my head around my “tweens” and it got worse and then even worse! Then something developed in my head around my early 20’s, that was totally, out of control and I became different!! But I didn’t know what was wrong with me till about 30 yrs old. And now I sway back and forth, side to side and every which way!
I’ve been through forced inappropriate actions by trusted people. A Lack of a good father/daughter relationship and an off & on relationship with my mom and was estranged from her at one time. Child of divorced parents, got remarried, then divorced again-forced into a new home with new family! I’ve gone through emotional trauma from several suicide attempts by a close family member. My brothers choosing sides between me & my mom. People & friends who have hurt me & left me leaving me wondering what did I do? And not only that, I’ve been diagnosed and have suffered through Major Depression Disorder, Social Anxiety & Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and lastly Bipolar 2 Depression! I’ve gone through bulimarexia, alcoholism & addiction to prescription pain killers & benzodiazepines, also self harm.
My diagnoses has effected a lot!! My family, friends, my work relationships, employees & employers and my mental illnesses have compromised me even being able to work full-time or part-time (although I am a full-time Mother & Wife and I’m satisfied with that). But Namely, MY HUBBY HAS SUFFERED! MY HUSBAND HAS ENDURED SO MUCH of my chaotic mind and what comes out of it or sometimes erupts from it. I can never make it up to him! We’ve had so many ups & downs, but he has stayed with me through the gift of GOD IN OUR RELATIONSHIP & HIS UNDYING LOVE FOR ME!
The point of all this is WHO AM I? Am I someone new or am I who I was when I was born? When I find out, I’ll let you know.
4/4 We recorded this song today. I completely fell in love with it a couple of days ago when I listened to it and decided to give it a try. Judith was amazing. She's one of my favourite singing partners. Unsplitted video on IGTV now!.
3/4 We recorded this song today. I completely fell in love with it a couple of days ago when I listened to it and decided to give it a try. Judith was amazing. She's one of my favourite singing partners. Unsplitted video on IGTV now!.
2/4 We recorded this song today. I completely fell in love with it a couple of days ago when I listened to it and decided to give it a try. Judith was amazing. She's one of my favourite singing partners. Unsplitted video on IGTV now!.
1/4 We recorded this song today. I completely fell in love with it a couple of days ago when I listened to it and decided to give it a try. Judith was amazing. She's one of my favourite singing partners. Unsplitted video on IGTV now!.
The woman who does not require validation from anyone is the most feared individual on the planet. -Mohadesa Najumi ✌🏼
Your validation is yours alone. You are worthy, you are loved, you are exceptional. You were made on purpose for a purpose and God has given you talents you may not even know you have. ⭐️
Breath easy knowing that no matter what you have been through, you are ALWAYS worth it, ALWAYS wanted, ALWAYS important and loved. 💕
Need to talk? Need prayer? Need to vent? Let’s talk.
How often do you catch yourself overthinking and making more out of a situation than you should? Comment below!
🎥 via @achievetheimpossible
Tag someone who needs to see this and follow @sossafetymag for more!
[3/3] Did you know that you can think of suicide, feel utterly hopeless but simultaneously recognize that that “feeling” is a big fucking lie? Unfortunately the part of you that knows it is a lie, that is screaming to you over the complete ridiculousness of suicide being the last card there is in the deck to play isn’t typically the loud voice, it’s actually quite mellow, sturdy but quiet. None of it makes sense, even those with anxiety know it doesn’t make sense, we can’t explain it, so we don’t expect people without it to understand. I like to think that overall we are a population that wants to help but is paralyzed by a lack of understanding and limited know-how. So how can you help? We need you to accept that though it is illogical, it is very much real. It’s honestly that simple, and it speaks volumes. And please stay calm, the slightest bit of anger or frustration exacerbates our panic and despair because we sense the strain we are to you, at least that's how we interpret it in the moment- remember, illogical. We also need to be heard, sometimes our needs might not make sense, please don’t try to understand them, just listen and respond to what we need rather than what you think we need. When I’m upset, a small, dark closet sounds much more relaxing than a bath… If I need a small dark space, don’t pour a bath, I know it doesn’t make sense, but I need you to hear me and not your logic. And please offer up respect rather than ridicule because generally, we care more about not making you uncomfortable then we do about hushing that bastard of a voice in our head that’s hung up on hopelessness.
Thank you. Thank you for reading, thinking and loving. Love wins.💖
[2/3] You might have read the other month that Kate Spade lost her life to suicide (please note that I did not say ‘committed suicide’) and *shocker* suffered from depression. I imagine most of the world has moved on because that’s the way shock and awe of media works (not pointing fingers, I’m just as guilty- the shit-show of The US while I’m currently in my Japan bubble… in one ear and out the other, totally guilty) but I haven’t. There actually isn’t much time that goes by without me thinking of her since, as you can imagine, she is someone I connected with for her work, drive, and passion. Come to find out, Kate Spade was also someone I understood when it came to her mental demons. Her death has rocked me, odd to say about a complete stranger but much of my ambitions have been motivated by her as a role model. It’s devastatingly tragic, a mom and immensely talented woman making the lives of people around the world that much brighter and happier through her designs, but in a moment she felt her life was hopeless and that hopeless thought won.
[1/3] Can we talk about anxiety for a hot second? I know I don’t need to ask, but I kind of do, because it makes people uncomfortable and that’s one of the significant issues circling the disease. On top of anxiety being something that takes complete control of you-- grabbing tight, dragging you to the edge of despair and at times forcing you to dip your toe into the suicidal mindset-- you have to somehow pull yourself out while prioritizing the comfort of others. I try to at least mention from time to time that I have a general anxiety disorder because I want people to have a face to the disease, “You?! You’re so happy and positive!”, but most of the time episodes are hidden. Fuck, even my husband has only seen a handful, not because there has only been a handful (ha) but because even though he knows me, loves me, and is a safe person, I don’t want to burden him. I fear being perceived as crazy because half the time I do actually feel that way. It’s an odd out of body experience, your logic vs. the anxiety and never does the logic win, it just sits there going, “WTF…” and facepalming the hell out of itself while the anxiety runs the course and hopefully (generally) burns out.
Sometimes you have to take a road trip with your best friend, go into the forest with a bunch of dirty hippies, listen to music, eat good food, and leave all the stresses of the outside world behind for a few hours.
I’ve realized more lately than ever, that it is so important to take time for yourself. To get away from the things that weigh on you, that stress you out, and find a moment to have joy, to invent in yourself.
It might look all peaches and cream on the outside, but you don't always know what's going on inside.
Be kind, be thoughtful and be helpful... You never know what someone else is going through.
For me, symptoms started when I was 8. That’s 21 years ago. I realized today that I have almost NO memory of me not having all the feelings I have. In my head I was always emotional and mercurial and detail oriented and constantly worried. At the very least, I know that very young I would go out of my way to hurt myself - usually just bruises and stuff. But I’m told I wasn’t like that. That as a kid I was happy and smiley and content and everything was fine. I wish that was true. I hope that is true. I hope at some point I was happy. #me#confession#happy#ocd#pureobsessionalocd#mentalillness#generalanxiety#bipolar#bipolarcoaster