After a good load of days feeling content, I am really starting to flag. During and after my therapy session on Monday I cried a lot. And I mean, a lot. It was bloody difficult, but I really needed it. Recovering from an eating disorder has been one of the hardest things - especially when it's one where society doesn't take you seriously.
I'm becoming a house hermit but I get so scared about going out because I feel like I just can't cope with my thoughts when I'm by myself. I know I need to work on that but I have no idea how to! Life continues to be extremely hard to cope with, but I'm going to continue trying, because that's all I know.
The internet is down at my house and this is something that has really triggered me in the past as it's stopping me doing the things i want to do ( course work ) as Its all online.
In the past this would have been enough for me to give up on the day and go back to bed...only then to freak out as once again no internet means only basic tv... However! This time I am doing my best to radically accept the situation and to try and not let it effect me in a negative way.
I feel frustrated that it's not working again however I seem to be looking at it from an angle where it seems to be a problem to solve. So although I do have internal judgments about me not doing enough and other things arrising I am trying my hardest to be aware of them, challenge them and umhook from them.
The thoughts are coming alot more than yesterday and the frustration feels more Intence but I think I need to work on turning the mind back to reasuringmyself that it's ok and that there are many things on my to do list that don't require the internet.
E.g.- Gym, go for a mindful walk, sort out the bits in the garden I have been putting off, wrap husband's birthday stuff, clean, declutter the house some more, carry on with art projects.... I'm sure there are more.
So the plan...radical acceptance and turning the mind untill it's fixed. X
I hope you have a good day!