Nobody ever talks about how dieting affects your relationships
When I was caught up in trying to eat "clean" & sculpt the "perfect" body
THAT'S ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT
The whole diet mentality not only took over my mind, it took over my life & weaved its way into my relationships
I couldn't sit down to watch a movie without feeling anxious because I wasn't being active
Going to restaurants for date nights wasnt enjoyable because there was only one or two "safe" things on the menu & if what I ordered arrived any different than I expected (with oil, dressing, cheese, salt, etc) I would panic and pick it to pieces trying to reduce the caloric value & forget about ever ordering dessert.
The caloric deficit I created through restricting & over exercising made my sex drive pack up & leave
So even though I had a hot body, I had no desire to work it in the bedroom
I constantly made excuses not to hang out with friends for fear of my workout routine being interrupted
Or one of my perfectly planned out meals being delayed
One of the best things about being free from disordered eating is that I get to be fully present in my relationships once again
I get to enjoy time just BEING with the ones I love, without having my attention split between them & constant thoughts about food, diet & exercise
Now that my body is being nourished, my hormone levels are balanced- meaning I'm a lot more affectionate, friendly & a pleasure to be around
Spontaneity doesn't scare the shit out of me anymore
And I'm happier & more comfortable than I've ever been in my own skin
It's funny how when you stop constantly trying to change yourself...the most change occurs
If you're struggling with food, weight or body image issues to the point where it's affecting the quality of your relationships...then it's time you decided to take your life back
Comment "BREAK FREE" & I will reach out to you with details on how to take the next steps toward freedom
That saying ‘I can give advice but I can’t take it myself’
My dream job is to become a support worker for people with eating disorders.
Hell, I’ve had one so long I know everything about them inside out.
I always try my hardest everyday to encourage my fellow #edwarriors and make them realise they are worth recovery.
If there’s one thing I have learnt about people that suffer from EDs it’s that they are the nicest, kindest, caring people I have ever met and it breaks my heart to see that they don’t see what I see in them.
Where I can, I will rationalise things for them. Where I can I will make them see how beautiful they really are. And where I can I will make them believe recovery is possible and I know they will get there if they believe in themselves.
I want anyone suffering to know that if they are feeling all alone and that they just can’t carry on their journey, I will always be here for you. Your number 1 cheer leader with you every step of the way.
Send me a message and I promise I will do whatever I can to make you see how amazing your world has the potential to be.
Keep fighting my lovelies. You’ve totally got this 👌💗
Not long ago, I was disappointed to see one of my favorite bloggers (who, like me, struggled with orthorexia!) doing a juice cleanse for her wedding. Like, girl!! Are you ok??? 😬 But in all seriousness, I am trying to be much more conscious of what I consume on social media. I’ve had to unfollow old friends from high school who have decided to embark on “fitness journeys” and post about their gym habits and protein shakes instead of their (probably wonderful) everyday lives. That’s the only “detox” or “cleanse” I will EVER endorse: because I will never starve myself or confine myself to a liquid diet in the name of having the “perfect body” again. I will, however, not hesitate to cut you out if you make me feel for a second like I need another fad diet or detox ✌🏻✂️ #boybye ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Sent via @planoly #planoly#loveyourbody#haes#bodypositivemovement#loveyourreflection#edrecovery#eatingdisorderrecovery#edrecoverywarrior#edrecoveryarmy#bodyposi#bodypositivemovement#bodyposiwarrior#selflovesquad
I am ecstatic to announce that I am writing a book!!!!
I am working with Eliezer Tristan Publishing @eliezertristanp which is a wonderful publishing company that is passionate about stories of mental health and strength. This was immensely unexpected, but I am absolutely thrilled to be working on my first book, which will be a memoir!
This is a huge step for my career, and I feel incredibly honored and thankful to have this fantastic opportunity. I’m loving the journey so far, and can’t wait to share the final product with you all! 💜
It is okay to fear recovery. The unknown is scary. After being sick for so long, I lost my identity. I used to constantly think ‘if I’m not Ashleigh the anorexic, who am I?!’ Whilst this is daunting and petrifying, it is also very exciting! You can choose to be anything and anyone you want! During and after recovery as your ED dissipates, you will have so much space in that beautiful brain to fill with things you enjoy and things you’re interested in, rather than just food and exercise.
It is okay to be scared of making a change, but it is not okay to stay sick for that reason. I was never “ready” to recover, I was petrified. However I was also petrified of staying sick and living a quarter of a life and the notion of that prison was worse than the concept of the unknown. Outside of your comfort zone is where the magic of life lies. And I promise that being recovered is infinitely better than anything your eating disorder can offer you (which is just a false sense of control, false companionship, misery and death). You may feel that your ED is keeping you safe, but remember it is trying to kill you. Remember, you have a life to live! 🌈✨💖🌻💃🏽🦋
I am more than my size.
I am more than my weight.
I am not here to focus my precious energy on shrinking my body to fit an image that some random person I don't know has in their head.
I am not here to experience anxiety when my pants fit a little snug.
I am not here to experience depression and anxiety from tracking every move I make and every piece of food I eat.
I am here to spread joy and light.
I am here to help people and connect in real, authentic ways.
I am here to laugh, to sing, to dance.
I am here to experience the magic of the universe.
I am here to change the world of those around me.
To feel lighter, to lead the way through the darkness of the unknown so others can find their way.
What are you here to do? Working yourself to death and saying mean things to yourself and your body when you don't follow someone else's rules for health is NOT your purpose.
You're made of stardust, girl. Sparkling, magical, stardust.
Don't let the insane rules that diet culture preaches are THE ONLY WAY dim your sparkle.
What are you here to do? What makes your heart feel like it's going to burst from happiness? ❤️❤️Comment below ❤️❤️ I'd love to know!
My body doesn’t want to be here today but my mind sure does.
When the chaos of what feels like a million thoughts comes crashing down on me and my overly analytical mind tried to take over and criticize my every action.
It’s not enough to tell the voice of anxiety to be quiet.
It takes breathing deep, taking a step back, acknowledging it, and then looking at anxiety as separate from you. Like you’re looking yourself and your anxiety from a 3rd party.
You are not your anxiety, you are not the irritability, the anger, the inability to focus, to complete tasks, to do small things like run errands because it’s too overwhelming.
When you can start to notice that. When you can start to take a step back and remember that your perception is a reflection of your current mental state, then there begins to be a semblance of control.
Over time, and as you begin to recognize certain emotions and triggers better and can clearly define the anxiety brain from who you are, those negative, spiraling thoughts aren’t as aggressive and it’s easier to hold them at bay.
You will not recover and heal without putting attention on the wound. If you had a surgery and needed rehab to function normally, would you do it? Of course.
The brain is the same. We aren’t broken, we just have some healing we need to do. Some rewiring, some rehabilitation on the habits, behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs we grew up on.
Today, I felt my anxiety creep up and ty to flood my body.
My chest was tight, my mind was running a million miles an hour, my emotions were jumbled, I wanted to cry. Instead of letting that feeling bubble up, overflow and everything overwhelm me.
I made the decision to maintain my power. I looked my anxiety in the face and recognized that it was surfacing for a reason. I acknowledged that trigger. It took me awhile but eventually, as I calmed my emotional state, my physical state calmed as well.
I didn’t go around, under, or over the storm. I moved through it and for that, I now know myself and my anxiety better.
What’s a positive way in which you cope? And if you don’t, start to think about actions you can start doing. As always, I’m here to help❤️.
When I finished my first round of this weightlifting program I was on such a high! Before this, I had never really lifted weights. I thought that I wanted to be “skinny” and the way to do that was through severe restriction on what I was eating and the development of an eating disorder. To go from feeling so weak to feeling POWERFUL and STRONG is so empowering! Now I’m focused on doing what’s best for my mind and body❤️
You’ve seen me doing this program for a while now. Maybe you’ve thought “oh good for her, but I could never do that”. But why not?! I’m hosting a FREE week long group! Come get a sneak peek into what investing in yourself looks like. YOU ARE STRONG TOO. Let’s do this together! Drop your favorite emoji below👇 and I’ll send you a message!
You know what I learned today? Feelings don't require an explanation! They don't need to be justified or "fixed" either. This may seem quite obvious to some, but my experience had taught me otherwise.
I have felt unsafe in my body and I have shared that with many healing practitioners along the way. Sadly, many have responded with defensiveness, anger or frustration. Their need to justify or "fix" overrode my need to be seen - to be accepted.
Today, I got to experience complete acceptance in a process meant to help my body heal. Autoimmune disease can be brutal sometimes, but today I am grateful for the lessons my body is teaching me.
I will likely be processing the gravity of it all for a while yet but, dudes and dudettes, this is a big deal!
Our feelings matter. Our feelings are valid.
Our feelings do not require an explanation!!
📸 credits @thedietboycott | DIET CULTURE IS REAL, BABES ✨ So, let’s have a chat about it. I respect Oprah as a girlboss as much as the next gal, but we all know she’s making the big bucks off her involvement with Weight Watchers, just like Jane Fonda made her money off telling girls they needed tighter booties and the Atkins Diet is making money off those cardboard bars they disguise as “dessert.” That doesn’t even begin to cover magazines and clothing companies, who use stick-thin models to shame you into feeling like your bodies and wardrobes aren’t good enough. Don’t buy into it. Save your money for better things, like a European vacation or a shit ton of self-help books on breaking the diet mindset 💵💵💵 The diet industry is able to exist because we continue funding it. So, pull the plug and stop buying into it! All it takes is a few people willing to stand up and say no more 💪🏻✨
Sent via @planoly #planoly#edrecovery#eatingdisorderrecovery#edrecoverywarrior#edrecoveryarmy#bodyposi#bodypositivemovement#bodyposiwarrior#selflovesquad
Did you know it’s possible to have an eating disorder (and depression and severe anxiety), recover from your eating disorder, and live a totally “normal” life?
It wasn’t until one of my students pointed this out to me:
“It’s inspiring to see you have recovered and now live a normal life”
That I realized I HAVE DONE THIS. I am living this.
And did you know that a “normal” life includes fun things like travel and dinner with friends and dancing your butt off in hip hop class?
Did you also know that a “normal” life includes things like learning how to cope with and move through anxiety and acknowledging when you may be about to go through another cycle of depression?
I totally recovered from my eating disorder and, for the most part, live a totally normal life. Even though I’m also a total weirdo (and I love it.) My normal however is something I’ve created. My normal used to be “restrict, over-exercise, berate myself, hate myself, etc.
My current normal is: feel the feels, ask for help, have fun, feel the sadness when it comes, celebrate being alive, exercise when you want to, rest when you want to…
My current normal is a lot more tuned into my body, my heart, and my intuition. My current normal is no longer driven by aspirations to be someone/something I am not. My current normal is about honoring the ebbs and flows of daily life - and riding my emotions like a surfer on a wave instead of trying to numb or dumb it all down.
If you are seeking spiritual guidance in your #edrecovery Journey, please DM or email me 💜
My inner Ross is screaming😂😭PTW but a positive message
Anyway, yesterday I had CAMHS and it didn’t achieve much apart from being put on new antidepressants and my psychiatrist just slipping in “because you’re underweight..” as soon as she said that I was like wtaf do I look fucking underweight. I don’t get told my weight as I don’t really want to know so I literally never know what’s going on there. Being told that, made my mind go “am I valid now?” Because I have never felt valid with any of my mental illnesses. But especially anorexia. I’ve never been or looked ‘underweight’ well I have been just under months ago tho. Being emaciated, or literally on deaths door does not make you anymore valid than someone who is overweight or a healthy weight. EVERYONE 👏🏻IS👏🏻VALID👏🏻 for any illness. My best friend said to me the other day “I don’t feel as valid now” because she’s recovering and doing so well. This broke my heart because even if you are recovering you’re still as valid as someone who’s just started their illness. We seek validation but we don’t need it. It’s our illnesses that want it. My illness thinks being valid is dying. But I’m valid now because I’m seeking a weird form of “help”. So what I’m trying to say is we’re all valid it’s our illnesses that make us feel like we’re not and want us iller to compensate that. But we will fight hard against these demons. We will recover and live a full life doing whatever we want like seeing Taylor Swift in concert again but this time with energy and food👏🏻💕😭stay strong ma biscoff babes💕💕💕#eatingdisorderrecovery#recovery#anorexiarecovery#eatingdisorder#anorexia#edrecovery#edrecoverywarrior#eds#mentalhealth#depression#anxiety
📸 creds to @recoverclinic | ~TRIGGER WARNING: WEIGHT~ My lowest and highest weights are only 12 lbs apart. I’ve never weighed more than 120 lbs, and never less than 108 lbs. You might not see a huge difference between pics of me at my worst (as in, the peak of my eating disorder) and my best - but I do. Because the girl who I was on the inside was not me. My boyfriend David is in medical school now, and it continually startles me how anorexia in particular is defined. According to the MD/DO definition, anorexia is defined by BMI...um, what?! Clinicians should be trained to recognize the signs of disordered eating with or without signs of weight loss. Everybody is different - and every body is different. If you’re someone who can’t change her set point weight easily, even with a diet mentality, you shouldn’t evade diagnosis just because of your size. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Sent via @planoly #planoly#edrecovery#eatingdisorderrecovery#edrecoverywarrior#edrecoveryarmy#bodyposi#bodypositivemovement#bodyposiwarrior#selflovesquad
Questo è il giorno del mio matrimonio. Quel signore che sta scattando una foto a me e mio marito al taglio della torta è Carlo Verdone. Quello che vedete è una donna raggiante e molto fortunata. Quello che non vedete, invece, è la persona insicura, con scarsa autostima e ansiosa che si nasconde dietro questa immagine. Io e Carlo, al tempo, avevamo appena finito di scrivere il nostro primo film insieme. Nonostante il lavoro con lui, nonostante gli anni a lavorare come inviata per un importante canale americano, nonostante un romanzo pubblicato - non a mie spese - da un’importante casa editrice, non avevo ancora fatto pace con me stessa. Mi sentivo sempre inadeguata, in difetto, sentivo sempre di dover dimostrare qualcosa. Come se i fatti non parlassero per me. La scarsa autostima è una classica conseguenza dell’abuso. La scarsa autostima, la mania di controllo, il disturbo ossessivo compulsivo, tutti regali della mia infanzia e adolescenza. Come molte di noi, riuscivo a non far trapelare molto all’esterno. Come una spina dorsale che compensa una curva con un’altra curva, non sentivo dolore, ma in realtà ero tutta storta. Poi basta un niente per far crollare tutto. E sei punto e a capo. Ecco perché è così importante, da genitori, vigilare sui nostri figli, soprattutto quelli sempre bravi, soprattutto quelli sensibili ed educati. È importante fare caso a comportamenti apparentemente normali ma che nascondono troppa attenzione a qualcosa, troppa introspezione, addirittura troppa bontà. È importante fare attenzione al troppo bisogno di compiacerci, al bisogno di sentirsi dire che sono bravi, alla ricerca continua di approvazione, perché sotto, quasi sempre c’è dell’altro. #siamopiufortinoi 🏆 #ocd#ocdawareness#anoressia#depressione#edwinner#edrecovered#edrecoverywarrior#anoressiaitalia#anoressiaedfamily#edfamiliy