Baby Sissy, I thought of you today, when I saw myself in the mirror; the plumpness of my cheeks, roundness of my stomach; when I noticed my big legs and untoned arms; when I cried at the nasty thoughts that overwhelmed my mind: fat, big, failure, ugly. I thought of you, and I wanted to tell you I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you’ve had to see the years of me hating this body, hurting it. I’m sorry that this world has convinced girls & women that their beauty & worth is defined by their looks, and that is a certain way. I’m sorry, that girls are shamed & bullied & taught to feel ugly in their skin. I’m sorry, it’s so hard, so freaking hard for us to feel beautiful, accepted, enough, as we are.
So I thought of you, instead of how I was going to starve or punish or change myself, and how sorry I was to think of such horrid things and how much more it would hurt if you saw yourself the same way; how I haven’t shown you the power of self love.
Sissy, it’s time, for me to be strong, for you. I’m going to show you that women don’t have to abide, that they are beautiful and strong, whatever the shape of their body. I’m going to teach you that your body is your temple, worthy of love and care, all things to honour that wild soul Inside. I want you to know, you are enough, perfect as you are. I want to go through this pain, so you don’t have to, so you can be free and chase your dreams; so one day, when you are a powerful, strong woman you will look at yourself and love what you see, feel precious and proud.
Sissy, I thought of you today & vowed that it was time to be the change, to accept my body, as it is, so that you, my darling, know how to feel the same magic, the knowing of how beautiful and powerful you really are. 💕🌿🌙🙏🌸✨💦. #selflove#magic#sister#feminine#love#bodypositive#beauty#soul#wild#free#girlpower#acceptance#spirit#honour#wildwoman#dreams#change#society#bodyacceptance#eatingdisorderrecovery @honeylovesorg @beatingeatingdisorders @wildwomansisterhoodofficial
This morning’s breakfast before work is a bowl of puffed wheat and toast with syrup plus ☕️ had to go to the horses before work this morning so was up pretty early 😴 just on a 9-5 today after a long shift yesterday and before another long shift tomorrow!
What the hell does "Beyond the Binge" mean anyway?
1) In order to get binge-free, you have to look BEYOND what you THINK the problem is (food) in order to truly find food freedom.
Hint hint.. the real problem is a "what are you not wanting to feel" kinda problem.
2) You'll get WAY beyond the binge so it's a distant memory of the past, (binge.. whaaaat??) that way you can stop wishing for HER life that you see as you scroll your Instagram feed at night, and instead, start investing that freed up energy in creating your own kinda wonderful, badass reality.
You know the one you deserve, but don't know how in the hell to get with this binge eating shadow following you around?
I got you.
Inbox me and let's chat.
P.S. Seriously, inbox me. Don't let this problem suck you in deeper and go on another painful 30 days for no reason.
Like I said, I got you 100%
Purple porridge for the win😛😛we had no fresh fruit left this morning (my fault🙊) so I used a cup of frozen blueberries in my porridge as well as a dash of @myproteinuk s/f maple syrup, which I then topped with @twobirdscereals super seeds, a sprinkle of @crazyjackorganic coconut and @pipandnut crunchy maple peanut butter😍 I’ve been thinking a lot about making mistakes this week after talking about perfectionism with my therapist on Monday. We are tuned to believe that mistakes are wrong, slipping up is bad and that we should always strive for perfection. But what happened when we do slip up? When we make a mistake or have an off day? In reality, nothing drastic happens unless you let that mistake affect you. We fear the worst will come from our mistakes when really, what we learn from them is invaluable. Having a blip in recovery is normal, recovery isn’t linear, and every time you pick yourself back up and try again you are beating your eating disorder. If you let that mistake/blip effect you and beat yourself up about it, it is far more likely to brew into something bigger. It is okay to slip up, as long as you make a pact to always stand back up again. Sorry for the ranting but I feel this may help some people 💕 have a beautiful day everyone💖
Breakfast for today:
Apple Porridge (half Almond Milk, half Water) with a Pear and Blackcurrant & Blueberry Tea.
I went to sleep last night and woke up this morning feeling absolutely horrible about my body. I feel fat and ashamed of how much weight I’ve gained during my recovery. I want to get back to having defined abs and having a bum I can be proud of but no. Instead I have fat fat and more fat. I still ate my breakfast but that doesn’t mean I feel good about anything right now. 💜
Dinner tonight was chicken hot pot (chicken, broad beans, carrot, potato and parsnip) which was kind of scary as for the last week we’ve been having more salady type things. Night snack tonight is also super challenging as it’s 2 Tim tams (one milk and one dark) which are scary but I was craving them so bad! Also a cherry ripe, so it’s quite an Aussie night snack🇦🇺❤️ #eatittobeatit#eatingdisorderrecovery#anoreixa#anorexiarecovery
I’m desperately trying my best to love my body and myself. My emotions and stress level have been in overdrive this past week between finals, hormones, and family drama. My urges to self harm, binge, and break my sobriety have been just as high. While I am incredibly proud of myself for not self harming or breaking sobriety, I have binged. I have not purged in relation to a binge. That is progress I am proud of. Rationally I know that I won’t gain all of the weight back with a binge, I don’t have to starve myself the next day out of guilt, or obsessively work off the calories I’ve consumed. However, it’s not always easy to talk myself out of emotional mind. Set backs in any form of recovery are okay. They do not diminish all of the progress you have made and do not determine the future of your recovery. I find it important to be self aware of progress and goals to keep myself on the path of recovery. It’s challenging to talk about my eating disorder but a friend of mine told me my last post had inspired her to seek help for her ED and that meant the world to me 💖 #eatingdisorderrecovery#eatingdisorderawareness#mentalhealthawareness#selfharmrecovery#sobriety#mentalhealthmatters#stigmafree#loveyourself#mystoryisntover#selflove#motivation
Such a great word.
Happiness is in the inside and not in the outside. You can smile how much you want but still crying inside. You can be as serious as you wan t but being happy in the inside. You can be shy and speak as less words as you can or you can be shy and speak how many words that you can in order to not allow the others to ask about you.
This two human being are completely different under this point of view, however I can guarantee you that in that precise moment both of them were Happy.
They were happy because when they are together they feel an unbelievable power to go against their worst demons, they are happy because they comprehend each other in the deepest of their soul and they allow each other to be their completely self.
He gives to her this smile, the smile that is true, genuine and real.
He allows her to create her own happiness.
He doesn’t impose her his happiness, his allows her to feel and live herself. This is happiness: the state in which you are yourself and you don’t feel any kind of barrier with your inside and with the outside.
This is happiness, go out of your comfort zone and allows your voice to scream and shout, to live. Be genuine. Be grateful for all the happy moments that you live and don’t be afraid for the future, since when you discover what give you happiness you have the key, once you have discover what make you happy you just need to create as many moments of happiness you can.
The difficult part is to understand what are those moments, which are different for all of us and have perseverance, in order to built a life made of as much happiest moments as you can.
Live in happiness, not in regrets.
Live yourself and live all those people and activities that make you feel alive. We have just one live, so why waste it in something you hate?
We have just one live, discover your happiness and you’ll have discover your meaning•
Gaining weight is pretty freaking cool guys.😳
Been feeling extremely down on myself lately and my body image definitely hasn’t been the best... Today I caught myself hating on my body and not being happy with how it looked. Decided to give myself a little wake up call and reminder of just how far I’ve come over the years by comparing some old photos to how I look now... All I can say is damn I’m happy I developed a better relationship with food and decided to step in the gym six years ago🙃😅
Please please please don’t discredit all the hard work you’ve put in. I know it can be easy to do when you aren’t seeing crazy progress consistently all the time... But just try to be proud of where you are now and give yourself a little reminder every now and again of how hard you’ve worked and far you’ve come... These little reminders will make you feel so much better I promise 😍 I know I sure as hell needed the reminder today. I seriously love all you beautiful hoomans♥️ Keep on crushing it and working hard... be patient and remember to cheer yourself on the whole freaking way 🤩🤙🏼 -
Calorie Counting is SHIT 😫
WHY I kept these all this time I don’t know 🤷🏼♀️ Today I was cleaning out some draws & came across this notebook that I used as a food diary. As soon as I saw it it gave me shivers because I knew exactly what was in it....perfectly ruled tables on every page, dated, colour coded, and filled in with every calorie of food that I ate & drink that I consumed during the day for months. There were pages dated from 2009, 2012 & 2015 🗓
I remember the process, it first started when I wanted to lose a few kg’s. Every health/weight loss magazine (I didn’t use the internet at the time 😂) suggested counting calories via a food journal to ‘stay on track’. So I did. And I was bloody amazing at it. I counted every 1/2 or 1/4 piece of fruit, every teaspoon of mayonnaise (because a tablespoon was too much) and every leaf of lettuce or spinach 🥬
I still remember the feeling of adding up my meals sometimes before I even ate them so I could eat knowing the calorie content. At the end of the day I would feel accomplished if my calories were under a certain number 😢 It was a feeling of pride for me. And if I didn’t get under a certain number, well I’d stuffed up. I’d eaten too much. I felt like shit. I would spend anywhere from 30-60 minutes a day ruling up, filling out, searching in my little calorie counter book & adding everything up. And I ALWAYS did it in privacy, never showing or talking about it with anyone.
And as I explained in my stories today I haven’t counted calories since 2015 but that doesn’t mean my relationship with food has been any better 🙅🏼♀️ It just changed. Rather than focusing on calories I focussed on cancelling out carbs.
Anyway, safe to say those days of counting calories are gone FOREVER! Thank goodness because I couldn’t think of anything worse or unhealthy for myself right now 😫😭
Gawd...don’t count calories. At least not if you have a perfectionist, obsessive personality like me.
These photos show such a journey. —————
From my first trip to israel.
To becoming a citizen.
To now. —————
So much has changed. And yet, I am more me than I have ever been. —————
And that is such a beautiful feeling. To know that I’m here. And I’ve fought to be here. That I have friends whom I love. So much. And that somehow this crazy recovery/life journey has led me to this place. —————
I don’t have a ton to say today. I’m just feeling really grateful and nostalgic at the moment. ——————
Here’s to living in gratitude.
I don’t usually post this late at night but I was going through my pictures and saw this one... I’ve posted these before but never explained the story behind them... truth is... the day before these were taken I had a so called “cheat day” but honestly I just went off the rails and ate everything because I had been restricting myself so much... so the next day came around and I was invited to a pool party and instantly my first thought was to say I couldn’t go... but why??? It was because I felt that all the food I had eaten the day before was going to be way too noticeable 😪 still, I decided to go. Before going, I made sure to get a workout in to try and work off some of the food and hopefully look smaller... ended up getting to the party and notice I’m wearing shorts over my bikini. Again, why?? Cuz I was worried about my physique and how I looked... looking back at these photos... I don’t look like I had eaten a shit ton of food the day before... I tortured myself time and time again and for what?? To look like someone else?!! Now... I vow to show myself the love that I deserve and I will never forget my worth again!! Because it definitely does not come from a flat tummy, a thigh gap, and a big butt... it comes from within because I am so much more than a body... yes I still lift, yes I may continue to grow parts of my body... but that doesn’t mean I love myself any less ❤️❤️ this is me being 100% honest and open and I hope this inspires others to know their worth ☺️ #powerlifting#eatingdisorderrecovery#throwback#mystory#selfcare#selflove#loveyourself#honest#bodydysmorphia#knowyourworth
Never lose touch of your why. Why do you want to make a change ? Why do you want things to be different? Why do you want to recover? Let these be your roadmap and compass to your desired destination! They will help you find your way when you get lost or sidetracked (which will happen every now and then!). Good luck and embrace the journey!
Love you all ❤️
It used to bug me how imperfect and ‘ugly’ our Christmas tree is each year compared to everyone else’s perfectly shaped and decorated trees.🎄 When getting this tree from the nearby forest, I noticed how irregular and unique all the trees were. None of them looked like everyone’s stereotypical, perfectly shaped and pedicured Christmas tree.
Then I realised how simular these views were to diet culture and ‘body norms’.
Very few people naturally fit the stereotypical image imposed by society- “not too skinny, not too fat, bmi xxx…”- you know what I mean.
Like the natural trees in the forest, bodies are supposed to be different, ‘imperfect’, and unique. Dieting and exercising to fit societies beauty standards is like Christmas trees being farmed with bands placed around their trunk to achieve ‘the perfect trunk circumference’, and having their branches perfectly pedicured and plucked.
Just as I now love my trees uniqueness and natural ‘imperfections’, I need to learn to love my own. I want to have peace with my body. I want to be able to accept that it may not fit societies beauty standards, and that I don’t have to conform to things everyone else seems to be doing.
Tonight my Christmas tree made me realise that my different, quirky or ‘imperfect’ appearance and lifestyle is okay. Maybe I’m not at the point where I can embrace and love it, but I hope to get there!
I never thought humans and Christmas trees would have so much in common.
Ringrazio @giulialookingforbalance per avermi taggata e mi unisco anch'io al #mevsfoodtag di @pistacheetnoisette .
1) Ricordo quando prendevamo il pollo 🍗 con le patate al forno dal macellaio: io e mia sorella finivamo le patate in macchina e a casa divoravamo una coscia ciascuno con le mani. Vi lascio immaginare le nostre condizioni alla fine della cena. 😌
2) Non ho mai voluto il biberon 🍼: sono passata dall'allattamento al seno alla tazza. Considerando che mia mamma mi ha allattata per l'ultima volta per il mio primo compleanno, potete capire come questo bruciare le tappe non le sia piaciuto troppo. 😅
3) Non mi piacciono i dolci col liquore o altri alcolici, ma proprio per niente. Ora non posso più bere per la RCU, ma l'alcol comunque non mi è mai piaciuto.🙊 4) Quando mia mamma faceva la crostata io e mia sorella rubavamo sempre un po' di pasta frolla cruda e lei si lamentava che poi non le sarebbe bastata per fare le strisce. 🙃
5) Non sopportavo né il miele 🍯 né le marmellate né tantomeno l'avocado. Inutile dirvi che adesso li adoro. 😍
6) Da piccola per il mio compleanno al momento della torta 🍰 mi prendevo sempre la panna col dito, prima delle foto, prima del taglio, prima di tutto. E nonno faceva finta di rimproverarmi dopo avermi incoraggiato a farlo: è quando ripenso a queste piccole cose che sento la sua mancanza...👴
7) Le cose calde per me vanno mangiate calde fino alla fine, per questo a volte le metto a microonde durante il pasto. È lo stesso motivo per cui mangio velocemente la pizza 🍕: se potessi mi farei riscaldare ogni cinque minuti anche quella. 🙈
8) Ho sempre il terrore quando si apre lo spumante perché una volta il tappo mi è arrivato nell'occhio. 😑
9) Quando sono stata 3 mesi in Irlanda in famiglia non mi hanno mai chiesto se ci fosse qualcosa che non mi piaceva: mettevano a tavola e quello che c'era si mangiava. Ricordo che cucinavano il pollo con una salsina strana che mi dava la nausea, ma non l'ho mai né detto né dato a vedere. Quando sono stata invitata a cena dagli host parents di mia sorella indovinate un po' cosa hanno cucinato? 😷
« You don’t have to accept things you’re not okay with » @thehonourproject . You are in charge. You can choose. The weight of carrying all the obligations you think are mandatory is way too heavy! Most of the obligations are actually family/society standards or inner perfectionism. In reality there is not so much to do. For example, yes it’s important to take care of your family. But what it means and how much obligations you attached to it, it’s your choice. Some calls their parents everyday, some calls their parents once a month, some decide to live far away because they need distance, some live next door. And none of these choices are good or bad. As long as they are made without obligations. It took me a very long time in therapy, and still work in progress 😉, only to consider there may be another way. Only to realize I am in charge. I can decide based on my condition, situation and based on what I want! I need a lot of examples to identify what I do as an obligation and could actually choose to do differently. Don’t be ashamed that you cannot see it on your own. Giving yourself authorization to be yourself and to put yourself and your comfort in the center of your life is complex. Ask for help. Discuss with your friends, or check instagram. Not to compare. But to increase your catalog of options if I can say it like this 😉. I was living in a very closed world, built by my family and society rules, I was not able to imagine I had choices/options. It does not mean you will change it all, maybe you will continue the same BUT as a conscious choice not as carrying the weight of obligations. You are in charge. You can choose. You can define your ways. You can live your life in your own terms. Hope this make sense 😉. Happy Thursday! Take care 💜💙🧡💚💛❤️
Recovery is one of the hardest things I do every single damn day. I literally sat on my bedroom floor crying for two hours while loved ones told me I needed to go to the emergency room. I knew something wasn’t right but I didn’t want to accept it. I was truly scared! I kept saying “maybe in a little I will feel better” and that “little” time kept on passing and I never felt better.
I am truly thankful for my support system, without them I would’ve stayed in bed today feeling like crap.
Dehydration caused me to be orthostatic. Which is not fun. It was severe. ~ at the er the nurses were AMAZING. I never experienced this before, I was crying the whole time. They kept trying to calm me down but nothing really worked lol. I was not able to lay down because my blood pressure would drop very low so I had to sit the entire time. After a few bags of fluids I was better and able to move with no problems.
How did I get here? Well I slowly, unconsciously stopped drinking my prescribed amount of fluids. During work I would not keep my bottle water near me, in the mornings I would be in such a hurry I didn’t make time and so on. Little things that added up.
As much as I hate it I have to go back to meal planning. I have to go back to keeping track of what I do and do not do. I slip very easily and I cannot allow a relapsed not do I want it.
I’m home in my bed 💕 thankful I got the help I needed.
Ps. My little brother went with me and this pic was on his Snapchat 🙄 so I used it to update you guys. Reality of MY eating disorder recovery ~ remember it’s different for everybody ❣️
It’s okay to get help!!
Good morning. Breakfast was 2 wheetabix with maple syrup and semi skimmed milk. It's nativity day at work today so it's going to be a stressful afternoon but hopefully it will all go well. I'm hoping to go for a run after work as well today. Body image too bad but it's still not great. I hope you all have a good day. ❤ #anorexia#eatingdisorderrecovery#anorexianervosarecovery#edrecovery
IM BACK !!❤️❤️❤️
So I took a few days off due to my horse fall and it really was just what I needed. Little breaks from social media can do you the world of good and I took it as a chance to cleanse, relax my body and get my strength back again. I’ve been in quite a bit of pain recently and to say my face looks awful is an understatement😂 But nevertheless, it’s healing lovely and I’ve got the hospital appointment today now to see about my broken nose. Food wise, I was able to eat some of my mums fish pie last night as it’s not as dense as what you would call normal food so that went down okay. I was also able to finish this today too!! The apples weren’t a good idea though so I managed to mash them up in the porridge and actually tasted quite nice😂 My lip is on its way to healing, the stitches will hopefully be coming out in about a weeks time. Fingers crossed it heals in time for Christmas😂🙏🏻 I’m not sure how active I will be now whilst I’m waiting for my face to heal as my meals are mostly soups and ensures at the moment but I’ll be sure to update you with how it’s going throughout the week❤️
Hope everyone is enjoying the build up to Christmas!! Eat what you want to eat not the disorder, enjoy yourself and make the most of this amazing holiday because it’s only once a year it comes around❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
How you eat is an important part of how you live your life; but, it's not the whole story. Don't let obsessions with the perfect diet take precedence over your most important relationships and experiences in life. ❤ @marcdavid_ipe @emilyjoyrosen @mindbody_nutrition @eatingpsychologypractitioners P.S. If you want to learn more about Dynamic Eating Psychology & Mind Body Nutrition, then check out the link in our profile for the FREE BOOK SERIES all about forever transforming your relationship with food. Learn how to take the next big leap forward with weight, body image, overeating, binge eating, emotional eating, endless dieting, mood, digestion, fatigue and more. We hope you enjoy it!
Sleep helps regulate your appetite. If your appetite feels out of control, it can be as simple as focusing on your sleep habits.❤ @marcdavid_ipe @emilyjoyrosen @mindbody_nutrition @eatingpsychologypractitioners P.S. If you want to learn more about Dynamic Eating Psychology & Mind Body Nutrition, then check out the link in our profile for the FREE BOOK SERIES all about forever transforming your relationship with food. Learn how to take the next big leap forward with weight, body image, overeating, binge eating, emotional eating, endless dieting, mood, digestion, fatigue and more. We hope you enjoy it!
it is day 13 of the #BOONadventskalander and today is my turn to share a recipe😍🙌🏻 as you all know when it comes to food; i am most of the time someone who loves easy yet super delicious and flavourful meals, soo i created this “friesss & nuggets” bowl🍟 my mum and i were impressed with how yummy (and simple) this was🔥⠀
all you need is;⠀
⭐️ a sweet potato, how much you want⠀
⭐️ @boonbonen nuggets⠀
⭐️ garlic powder⠀
⭐️ smoked paprika powder⠀
⭐️ salt, pepper⠀
⭐️ a dip (guacumoly, ketchup, vegan mayo, hummus etc)⠀
⭐️ nutritional yeast (optional) ⠀
⭐️ salad (optional) ⠀
1. preheat the airfryer/oven on 180 degrees.⠀
2. cut the sweet potato into fries, put garlic powder, smoked paprika powder, salt, pepper & nutritional yeast into a bowl and mix the fries in there.⠀
3. once the airfryer is ready, add the sweet potatoes for around 14 minutes. (if you dont have a airfryer, it will take longer; around 25 min in the oven)⠀
4. when there are around 6/7 minutes left, add the nuggets also into the airfryer/oven.⠀
5. while the airfryer is doing his thing, make your little salad if yo want to get some veggies in💁🏼♀️⠀
6. once the fries & nuggets are ready; put everything on your plate, add your favourite dips & E N J O Y. ❤️🍟🌟 ⠀
So much pain. So much shame. So much guilt. So much horror. So much fear. So much overwhelm. So much emotional exhaustion. Trauma stuff is heavy on my heart, my mind and my life on the moment. I look back at my life and feel so much sadness because of all the pain I carried from such a young age. Intentionally starving myself from the age of 6 to protect myself from people seeing me and hurting me, from banging my head intentionally against a pole at morning tea breaks at school at the age of 8 just to make everything in my head stop, to wishing desperately to shut out the noise and the fear every time I closed the front door, to ‘switching’ from empty and sad to happy and bubbly from a young age, from pushing and pushing myself into exhaustion so I can just keep giving and not have to care about myself. From starving to purging, cutting to overdosing, suicidal thoughts, so many hospitalisations, so many lies, so many therapy sessions, so much pain. I wish I could start afresh but I don’t know how. Today the weight is so heavy.. 💔
Took part in an online support group for people with bulimia last night, ran by BEAT. Although I didn’t find it overly helpful, as the focus was on worries for Christmas and I ament particularly worried about Christmas as I know it will go how basically every day has panned out for the past month. It’s not like I’m recovering well and I’m scared of relapsing. Despite this, it was comforting to know that there are other people that are feeling the same and have the same daily struggles. As sometimes I just feel so alone. I have such amazing friends who I can always rely on but sometimes it’s hard to even begin to explain what’s going on in my head.
I woke up this morning at 5.30am. Which is an absolute pain as I’m working 9 hours today. But anyway I’ve had some breakfast for the first time in forever and I’m spending some time just chilling out with a coffee hoping the day pans out well.
Biar hari kamis kamu makin manis, apalagi diluar juga lagi gerimis, yuk nikmatin coffe latte di #titikkumpulsby sama si doi
jadi buat yg belum tau, disini kita juga punya menu coffee latte yg bisa bikin kamu anget di cuaca yg mendung dan hujan kayak gini
So, mana nih suaranya pecinta kopiii.. yuk cuus otw kesini ya 😉
в небольшой комнате серой пятиэтажки, в маленьком районе зеленого города на реке Каме.
когда умру, похороните меня на нашем кладбище, через две остановки после моей.
а пока линия моей жизни непрерывно движется и препятствовать этому движению я не собираюсь.
да, у меня не идеальный характер, не красноречивая речь, нет богатых родителей и выдающихся талантов.
зато я - это я и точно такой же Кати, с родинкой между бровей и скоплением их же на шее, точно нет.
и я принимаю себя такой, какая есть. со всеми плюсами и минусами. пусть английский и информатика мне не даются так легко, как остальным. это не делает меня хуже.
я больше не стану обесценивать себя, закрывать глаза на жизнь и здоровье. убегать от проблемы - не решать ее.
остановись, подумай. ты можешь сказать, что ценишь себя?(мне было бы интересно узнать)