I have always suffered from moderate social anxiety, and that makes my life extra difficult being in the medical field. But I'm able to fake it well enough that people around me have no idea that I'm dying inside😂 but jokes aside, an estimated 12% of US adults experience social anxiety at some point in their lives, most of them rating it moderate and females > males. This alarming number tells us that this disorder is more common than we think it is. P.s this is an original!
Beautiful as the Royal Wedding was, three days on for some reason it has left me feeling emotionally exhausted and anxious about my own future with my boyfriend. I’m playing the waiting game for a proposal and babies, which for someone who is only just a little younger (35, almost 36!) than the new Duchess of Sussex leads to a lot of my anxiety about future. I think I was so genuinely excited for these two strangers and the day was filled with what I genuinely feel was love that I feel a little like the green eyed monster too!?!! WHY!?!!! Why can’t I just look on it and not apply it to my own self. Everyone and every situation in life is different!? I’m not mean spirited and I really loved their stunning day!! What’s followed are friends and unknown people on Instagram posting about their own weddings and I just feel like the only person on the planet who’s not married....which is ridiculous!!
Problem is, the boyfriend is now seemingly upset and annoyed with me that I’ve been miz and down and asked for Sunday for quiet whilst I tried to process my own head about the prospect of a marriageless and babyless future with him!? How was I wrong asking for time out so that I didn’t get into an argument with him!
Anyway....I think it’s time I head back to the gym....but not for another two days whilst I give my ankle a bit of a break, not sure what I’ve done to it but there’s a swelling, and needless to say my anxiety makes me desperately worried it’s the ‘Big C’!?!! Rational thought goes out the window with my anxiety!! Mind you it’s just my luck something like that happens to me whilst everyone I know and love seems to be pregnant with baby number two....and that’s another green eyed monster story!??
So peeps, is anyone else feeling worn out after the incredibly beautiful wedding? Or is it just pressure or the moon phase I the UK affecting us all!?
How beautiful is this #nofilterneeded sunrise though?
This has been one of the roughest weeks I can remember. 👎I've worked too many weird shifts at work that were unplanned for 👎 Meaning I haven't really slept well
👎 Which led me to not doing a full workout yesterday, I instead walked for an hour or so 👎 Which also means I've been wanting to stress eat everything in sight
BUT I saw this sunrise this morning and reminded myself of a few 🗝️ concepts:
👍 Today is a new day and even though my morning hasn't gone well that doesn't mean the rest of the day can't turn around
👍 Just because I skipped one workout doesn't mean that all of my progress is lost 👍 I have a God who forgives me for how I've acted the past few days and who will always love me
Up until a year ago I never would have had those thoughts. 🚫 My anxiety would have caused me to eat everything I wanted and then feel like 💩 because of it 🚫 I would have wanted to give up because of missing one day of a workout
🚫 I would have felt like a failure and like I let myself down
One year later and I can finally see positives in these types of situations. One day won't determine my week.
If I could help you have an understanding of how to turn around this mindset, would you be interested in knowing more?
Drop a 👍 below and I will reach out to you or send me an 📧 at firstname.lastname@example.org . .
this is an accurate representation of myself every morning at school. when asked with the question “nakatulog ka ba?” i wouldn’t normally reply with words.. instead, i’d look at people with this pair of eyes. now..... months had passed, but my eyes remained just.... the same 🙃 (however.. no wonder.. cause who on earth casually posts at midnight, right?)
From around the age of 17 to 20 I used to model.
I was constantly asked questions like “if you have anxiety how is it you have the confidence to model” and “if you’re so insecure about your body and yourself how is it you pose in front of a camera”
I could never explain properly how I was able to do something that a lot of people would find nerve racking despite my mental illness, but I’ve come to realise that living with mental illness isn’t simple.
I can do some things confidently and there’s things I just can’t, I think with modelling for me it was an escape.
I got to wear beautiful clothes and lingerie and receive photos of myself afterward and that might seem shallow to some but ya not, receiving those pictures is what kept me going.
I had genuine fun on shoots and seeing that in physical form reminded me to keep fighting.
I never got paid for my work, it was always tf based but I worked hard always, I put my all into it because I loved it and it made me feel free even when I felt incredibly trapped by the darkness of my mind.
So when you see someone who has a mental illness doing something that they love and enjoy with little to no anxieties surrounding it, don’t question it, don’t make them feel like a fraud, don’t tell them they can’t possibly be mentally ill if they are able to do something that you or others would find anxiety inducing, we are all different.
We all work in different ways, I couldn’t get up on stage and speak to an audience but if I know someone who does that and they live with mental illness, I won’t question it because it doesn’t take away from the fact that they fight every single day to stay alive, for themselves!
Modelling gave me purpose and structure also and that was really important for me to have.
I’ve lived with intense anxiety, depression, bpd and Cptsd long enough to know that everyone’s triggers are different.
Be kind, always! ✨
I can’t credit this image, but I got it from Pinterest and it sums up my mood PERFECTLY!!
One of my main ‘struggles’ and actually what causes a lot of my anxiety and depression is the family drama in my world. On the face of it I am SO fortunate and I SHOULDN’T let it get to me, nor do I know why I give it airspace but I do. However I find the unbelievable double standards surrounding me and my older sister SO hard to deal with. Everyone clocks to her, praises her, supports her, encourages her, and more or less acts and thinks she’s the second coming, whilst I stand on the side lines.
I moved into a beautiful home my boyfriend was fortunate to buy, and she and my parents haven’t visited and don’t talk about it, don’t encourage or show interest in it because it’s not where they’d like me to live, whereas my sister is the polar opposite and I had to listen as my mum soaked my sister’s move day and new home with sheer joy and happiness and how I ‘MUST visit’..... it hurts and I don’t understand it.
My counsellors over the years have told me it’s because she NEEDS the encouragement and support whereas I’m independent and can do things myself but that doesn’t seem fair! In my life now when my sisters are married with almost two children down and I have no ring or children and crippling anxiety instead I don’t know what IM supposed to do to get any support. I asked my father years ago for help with a loan for a deposit ‘no,because if I have to do it for you I have to do it for your sisters’ and without so much as a blink when my older sister asks he helps with their deposit and yet I’m supposed to be happy?! I could go on and on with more examples but I’ve already written too much for Instagram!
How do I get past this and ignore the double standard bullBLEEP? It hurts me SO much and I get into trouble for not jumping for joy and showing an interest in my sister!? I just don’t see why I should....