I’ve tried for days to write something meaningful about Pawley but every time I just can’t come up with the words. We had a friendship and bond that I just can’t describe and maybe trying to just isn’t the right thing. All I can really say is that my heart is shattered and I miss him every single second of every day. I know many people thought we would have more time with him. I hoped but my gut feeling was time would be incredibly short. I knew this because of how I knew him. It’s not because he was weak and couldn’t fight it, it’s because he was strong and hid his pain as best he could for as long as he could, and he did all of that for me. About 2 months before we lost Captain, Pawley had a few “episodes” that never made sense until much later. It seemed like out of the blue he would yelp out loud like he had been stung or pinched. Once I was scratching his ear when it happened. I immediately thought it was the start of an ear infection and we did a major ear cleaning. He never got an infection and didn’t make the cry after so I figured he was good. But it happened again, and maybe a handful of times after that. We checked his paw, his leg, and anything we could think of. Other than the yelping he was fine. And then Captain started going downhill quickly and Pawley was silent. He never left me or Captain those last few days. Captain passed away and 2 days later Pawley started limping. You know the rest of his story. While it may seem that he left us quickly and we should have had more time, I believe Pawley gave a lot of his time to his brother and me. I couldn’t have handled a cancer diagnosis on top of everything else we were going through. Since the day I brought Pawley home, his whole life was just about making sure I was ok. That’s just the kind of dog he was. It’s why I fell in love with him the second I met him. His cancer spread quickly as we knew it would. Pawley was mentally not with us much the last few days and it was clear it was time to say goodbye. A part of me wishes he had been more present but I’m grateful he wasn’t in much pain anymore. Lowcountry Pet Hospice came to him at home and we said goodbye very peacefully. (See end in comments)....
Now I feel completely dead inside. Hate and anger are my growing influences right now. Let's just hope the overwhelming furious attitude I have at the moment doesn't come to the surface. Let's hope I'm alone wife and when it does. I'm about to Fucking Snap!!
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The uniqueness of the Nigerian art is theatric, its our culture.