Negotiation during conflict is never easy, especially if emotions run high
DBT counselling offers some excellent strategies for various situations
GIVE- is one I've picked one to share with you....
Never forget how far you have come. Recently I’ve lost my way in so many areas of my life and I was reminded a couple of days ago just how far I really have come. We get so intent on focusing on how far we need to go that we forget what we have already achieved.
The person on the left on NYE in 2013 was incredibly depressed, struggling to see a point in being alive, ate badly because comfort food, felt like a huge failure and didn’t really ever see a place for herself in this world.
Fast forward nearly 5 years, I’m still learning who I am but I have overcome and achieved so much. I came off my antidepressants 2.5 years ago, set up 2 businesses, did a collective 60+ weeks of therapy and unlearnt who I was to relearn who I wanted to be. I lost friends, found better ones. Came to terms with loss of many others good and bad, me and Campbell have made a home and more importantly a family together in London. I found exercise and looking after my body has in turn softened my brain.
I feel sadness for the girl on the left, but also a happiness in my soul that I don’t really know her at all anymore. So I guess does that mean I rescued her if she no longer exists? I waited so long for someone else to rescue me that I inadvertently did it myself.
In my medium reading on Sunday she said I everything I have achieved so far in life has been my own doing because I had no one to do it for me, recently I had forgotten that, and it’s time to feel proud again instead of ashamed that I have a much less turbulent life now and that I like myself.
You are allowed to like yourself and be happy, your happiness does not determine how unhappy others are. It is their prerogative to compare themselves to you, their happiness is not your responsibility. I have spent too long sitting in a comfortable zone to keep the general consensus happy.
If you are struggling right now, I promise that one day all the struggles make sense. Each dark day, each tear, each drastic life upheaval and confusing decision. It’s all leading up to something bigger than you can even imagine, so follow your heart and trust your gut.
It will all make sense in the end ❤️🙌🏻🌊
2018: It has been a rough few months to say the least. After making the difficult decision to go back onto medication, I have found once again that the side effects far outweigh the benefits. Part of my personality disorder is the difficulty I experience when relinquishing any control regarding my life, and so taking medications that affect my mood is always a mental and emotional challenge for me (and my Doctor). I am a firm believer that what the mind rejects the body will too and so it comes with a sense of inevitability that my body suffers when I try to take any medication. It is just one of the complexities of having a severe mental health disorder. So the decision has now been made to withdraw from medication once again. Having gone through 5 weeks of severe side effects including migraines, vertigo, flu symptoms, heightened anxiety, insomnia, fatigue and nausea I am now faced with a few more weeks of withdrawal. But I remain forever positive, as for me there is at least a light at the end of the tunnel. I can now get back to controlling my health through a combination of a balanced diet and exercise whilst being free of chemicals. The goal remains the same, but it’s important to remember that when you set out on any journey, there may be times when you have to change the course, that doesn’t mean you won’t reach your destination. ✨⭐️🌟 (20.10.18) #bodybuilding#bodypositive#bpd#bpdproblems#bpdrecovery#bipolar#bipolardisorder#cleaneating#depression#eatclean#fit#fitness#fitnessmotivation#fitspo#fitnessjourney#fitfam#heal#healthylifestyle#healthy#inspirationalquotes#inspiration#mentalhealth#mentalhealthawareness#quotes#slimmingworld#slimmingworlduk#swfriends#vegan#vegansofinstagram
Today I’m so proud of my 13 weeks/just over 3months post op recovery progress. I am almost half way to full recovery from my Labral Tear hip repair & tendon lengthened.
This is a video of my squats sit to stand while holding a 6kg Dumbbell weight. My physio even told me I could probably even hold a 10kg Dumbbell.
These squats help to gain my quad, leg & glute strength. So I can sit on chairs without arm rests soon & do a lot more daily activities without aid assistance soon.
I’m proud that my exercises & my walking is improving. As I had to be taught today on how to lift & walk through with my right leg.
My physio told me it has definitely improved since a few months ago, so since my surgery. And to some people it might seem like a long recovery & that’s because the type of surgery I had does take a long time to recover. But I just got to not get frustrated about it & to keep practicing my physio exercises everyday at home & in my physio session. And these exercises you even learn in some gym classes!
I’m proud that I’m improving.
Whatever you are working on, keep practicing, don’t get frustrated, don’t compare your journey to others & don’t give up & have good support around you.
#labralrepair#labraltearrecovery#hipsurgeryrecovery#3monthspostop#nevergiveup 💪 #fitnessmotivation#bpdrecovery#mentalhealthawareness#physio#exercises#dumbbell#pinkspirationfitness#hope
I'm sorry I wasn't able to post my new song or that I haven't been posting lately on any of my social medias. Things have been getting worse. I have been getting worse. But as we all know "storms don't last forever." 🖤
Mi viene da ridere quando la gente dice che in America la sanità funziona meglio che in Italia. Questo mito dell'America come il paese delle opportunità non funziona assolutamente quando si parla di salute (e di questi tempi non funziona quasi su niente).
Una cosa positiva però c'è nel fatto che se ti vuoi curare negli USA devi avere un'assicurazione sanitaria: la gente si unisce in associazioni per aiutarsi l'un l'altra. Una di queste associazioni è la @namicommunicate. Il presente post è tradotto da uno del loro profilo Instagram.
Se iniziare un percorso terapeutico é stata una tua idea, allora per quanto doloroso, portalo fino in fondo. Puoi farcela! 🦄
Se vuoi dirci qualcosa, usa #ebcommunity e ti leggeremo!
Session #5 of trauma processing.
Continuing to go over my stuck points. today we dug in deeper into my thoughts of “it’s my fault” and the thought of “if I wasn’t drinking”. My therapist would ask very detailed questions and challenged my thoughts. She continuously tried to open my mind to different possibilities. I had moments of clarity, understanding and I was able to disconnect my thoughts from being facts and then within seconds that thought became a fact again. It amazes me of how quick my mind would override the new information I was learning. But she kept reminding me that the simple fact that I am seeing something different other than what I’ve been seeing is an improvement. And I do have to admit that she is right. I do see how it is an improvement because I would’ve never recognized any other possibility other than what I have created. My self blame is through the roof!! Anything and everything that I can take blame for I do because unconsciously I don’t want to believe that I had no control over this situation. I don’t want to accept that I was a victim. She strategically asked a question that didn’t allow me to put any excuses, any self blame. For the first time I was face to face with the truth of the trauma. All I could do was cry. All I could feel was pure sadness. .
After today’s session I definitely felt overwhelmed and exhausted. Especially like I said earlier that I had to go to my mom’s house to pick up my baby and then go home. With all the emotions and exhaustion I do know that this is part of the trauma processing and because I’m seeing new connections and receiving so much new inside to my trauma. I know that I am heading towards the right direction. So I will continue pushing through. #mentalhealth#mentalhealthadvocate#mentalhealthawareness#borderline#bpdlife#bpdrecovery#bpdawareness#bpdproblems#dbt#bpd#dbtskills#bpdmom#bpdbeauty#dialecticalbehaviortherapy#borderlinepersonalitydisorder#selfawareness#selfcare#mindfulness#positivity#motivation#bethechange#dobetterbebetter#therapywork#therapysession
A borderline persons struggle with romantic attachment: Sometimes I think it’s just easier not to let anyone too close because then I can’t be triggered. It is only romantic involvement that I can’t seem to grasp. I am great at my job and I get along with almost everyone but when romantic feelings become involved my emotions are on fire and I want to run but then I want to be chased because maybe I’m running from the one person that can stop me from burning. But are they are the one that lit the match? See what my brain does? It goes haywire when i think about it. Maybe I lit the match? Maybe I’m just always burning slowly but love is the oxygen.. I need it to breathe but if I allow it to get too close to my flame I will explode. I don’t know what’s better... being drown by the emptiness I feel when I am alone or to be burned alive by the flames. Why must my world be so black and white? What is it like to see the shades in between?
It’s funny in a way really, I’ve dealt with it for so long now that I almost immediately can feel it happening. That pull where my mind is retreating from my body and part of me feels like I’m just watching my life happen. I get fuzzy; physically, mentally, not really able to pin point what has caused the dissociation. It’s not really an episode, but I have had full on dissociative episodes where I feel like I am no one, nothing, like I’m just floating along on this planet and I won’t ever come back down into my body. The episodes are scary, when there’s fear involved it is terrifying and almost damaging. Most times though, it’s just a wistful detachment that will pass in time. Sometimes I know my triggers for dissociating; other times, like today, it just happens and I have to ride it out and work really hard on just being as present as possible. Before I knew the technical term for dissociation it was hard to explain to anyone, I mean how do you explain anything if you feel like you’re the only one it happens to?
That was the hardest part when this first started to me, feeling so alone and like no one else has this detachment for short and/or long periods of time. I felt like I MUST be fucking nuts, but like anything I wasn’t alone in this feeling or symptom or episode, (whatever you want to call it) it happens to a lot of people. I feel that talking about it, even if it sounds weird or “crazy” to someone that doesn’t experience it, is so important. It’s so important to remind people that they’re not alone in this world when it comes to mental illness or struggling with their mental health. When something isn’t visible, it’s hard for someone to understand unless they have first hand experience or are a mental health professional, so that’s why I want to be transparent on here, for the chance that someone will read this and know that they’re not alone and that it’s something they can manage with treatment and time💛
Life has been hectic, up and down and inside out. But on Thursday after a some tough love I made the decision to get sober and back to meetings.
Such a hard weighted decision but in all honesty it's the only way my life will ever progress and the only way I will ever stop being so dependant on my family, drugs and the government.
Im now four days sober, and I'm low, I'm so scared of failing that I almost didn't try and I then the reality of this disease hit. If I don't do something I will 100% end up in jail, an institution or I will die.
If your looking for a sign, for a nudge in the right direction, this is it. Reach out, get to a meeting, tell some who cares for you that you can't live this life of drinking and using anymore. Cause my darlin's yous are so worth it.
There is a life beyond your wildest dreams waiting for you if you just grab it.
Anger is one of the most uncomfortable emotions that I experience regularly. When it comes, it feels like my insides are actually boiling. It starts in my stomach and then I can feel my entire body heat up. In a moment of anger last night, I tried to just sink into the emotion, to use paced breathing, to remember that all emotions are temporary, and especially to repeat that I am not my anger or my angry thoughts and urges, even though it FELT like it. The emotion eventually diminished, but it came back and kept coming back until I opened up to Malcolm about it. The reason I chose not to earlier is because sometimes talking too much about my emotions turns it into rumination.
I cried hard and expressed emotions that I kept bottled up for a very, very long time. I’m talking YEARS. For years I’ve had the same emotions and thoughts come up, and before I even give myself a chance to observe it, I judge it. I suppress it and aggravate it with the myth that “Good people never have these kinds of thoughts. No one can know that I struggle in this way.” I was scared and embarrassed to talk to Malcolm. I was frustrated and kept arguing that talking about it does nothing. It doesn’t take away any of the pain. It doesn’t change the fact that I hate myself. And while it’s true that it didn’t take away the frustration, I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel any relief after finally talking to someone I trust and hearing them say “I still accept you. I will always accept you and love you. We will find a way through this.” What I learned:
1. To be honest, it seems so cruel to me that finding joy means sometimes telling yourself that your emotions aren’t facts. It feels invalidating and unfair, but we need to remind ourselves that choosing to be skillful is not the same as brushing off our emotions. We can have compassion and understanding towards every emotion that comes up AND choose not to act on it. (Easier said than done 😬)
2. Acceptance is more available than we think. It’s not something you earn. It’s within yourself, and if you can’t accept yourself, sometimes all you need is for someone to say “I accept you. I believe in you.” You. Are. Okay. You are accepted.
Vor ein paar Tagen habe ich meine Vertrauensperson gebeten, mir eine universale Sprachnachricht aufzunehmen. Für Krisensituationen. Damit ich nicht immer anrufen muss. Oder wenn sie mal nicht erreichbar ist. 🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀🍀
"Es ist ganz egal, dass gerade passiert ist, es ist wichtig, erstmal kurz anzuhalten. Einfach kurz den Pause Knopf zu drücken und einfach mal durchzuatmen und versuchen aus der Situation ein Stück raus zu gehen und sich die erstmal anzuschauen. Und du weißt ja, dass du zu extremen Gefühlen neigst. Also mach dir klar, dass das jetzt gerade nur, was du gerade fühlst, nur eine Momentaufnahme ist. Frag dich, wie denkst du morgen darüber? Wie denkst du in einer Woche darüber? Oder wie denkst du in einem Jahr darüber? Versuch die Situation von außen zu betrachten. Und vielleicht auch, stell dir vor, wenn ich in der Situation wäre, wäre es dann immer noch so schlimm, wenn ich dir erzählen würde, hier Hannah, das ist mir gerade passiert? Ist das jetzt quasi nur so schlimm, weil du in der Situation bist oder wäre es auch in meiner Situation schlimm und was würdest du mir zum Beispiel raten? Dann weißt du ja selbst, das sind meist immer nur Phasen. Und die Phasen, die gehen vorbei. Die musst du halt aushalten, aber das ist ja meistens, wenn du in so einer Phase bist oder vor irgendetwas Angst hast, das geht ja vorüber. Das ist ja nicht Anhaltendes. Natürlich kommt sowas auch wieder, aber die Phase erstmal aushalten. Die Waschmaschine versuchen anzuhalten. Die Sachen ordnen. Sei deine eigene Alltagsheldin. Mach dir klar, was du schon alles geschafft hast. Was du schon alles erreicht hast. Was du hast. Guck auf die Potterheads. Deine Freunde. Du hast die N. Du hast Eigenständigkeit. Du hast einen Job. Du sorgst für andere. Du hast Verantwortung für das Pferd, wo du dich alleine drum kümmerst. Du bist Mami von den 3 Rattenbabys. Guck, was du schon alles hingekriegt hast. Schon ganz viele schwierige Situationen gehabt, die du alle irgendwie gemeistert hast. Und dann kannst du vielleicht überlegen, wie hast du denn das, das letzte Mal, das Schiff geschaukelt bekommen? Was hat dir da geholfen? ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇
Repost 📷 @bpd.mgt
Being assertive is hard for people with BPD. During my worst years, my communication style was yo-yoing between being passive-agressive and just aggressive. Passive aggressive is when you agree then sabotage and aggressive is when you just force your way seemingly not caring about the other person’s needs. Assertiveness on the other hand is when you demonstrate healthy confidence to stand up for yourself while still respecting the rights of others. I admit I struggle with this still and I know exactly why. Being assertive means you represent what’s good for you. That’s a lovely thing to do but this also means you may have to confront with others as your best interest may not be their best interest. And confronting means they may dislike you. Or leave you. And leaving you means abandonment. I also didn’t have a good role model to learn assertive communication from - pretty much nobody could be considered as a role model for this in my close or wide family. So for years and years I just put up with stuff until I couldn’t it anymore and then we explode in anger - hello aggressive communication style, hello BPD rage! So what do we do? As I said many times, there isn’t a quick fix for BPD. It’s a mixture of long therapy, sometimes medication, specialty treatment like DBT or Schema. Whatever you can get, really. What works best for me is having a great therapist who models the sort of parental figure for me I didn’t have growing up. So funny as it sounds, I’m learning how to be a normal, healthy and functioning adult now, as an adult. And it’s working. Slowly, but it’s working. In the meantime, I write memos for myself that I look at daily to remind myself about assertive communication. My thoughts, desires and needs are as important as anybody else’s. To me, I come first. #bpd#assertive#bpdrecovery#bpdawareness#mentalhealthawareness#borderlinepersonalitydisorder#bpdproblems#recoveryispossible#borderline#borderlinepersonality#recoveryisworthit#communication#wednesdaywisdom#recovery#bpdsupport
I just wanted to tell you that you have to stay strong! There was so many times i wanted to kill myself. I tried to kill myslef i thought there is no other way out.. but now i know IT GETS BETTER!!! Really! 1 year ago i was addicted to alcohol, my trauma was just 2-3 weeks ago i thought damn i want to die there is no hope anymore... But today i am here and i'm stronger than ever. I'm happy for being alive. I changed my life. And what i did can you do too. So keep going, stay strong and prove them all wrong!!♡♡ #recovery#happy#alive#smile#bpdrecovery#addictionrecovery#addiction#staystrong#keepgoing #❤ #itisworthit#love#confident#strong#fighter