This is a useful little graphic to help understand the term ‘splitting’ when it comes to someone who suffers with BPD. -
This describes parts of me really well in that there is so little middle ground. Everything is black or white.
Hi everyone! It’s been a few days but I am still here! Wanted to take a few days to myself to just breathe and focus on the world around me! Celebrated 2 years with my love this past weekend and getting ready for our Disney adventure this weekend!! #teamdreamliveinspire
often i lose track of weeks and days. dissociation from time is a huge part of my mental illness and it often makes me late, disorganised, and forgetful. i don't act this way on purpose - i just don't always have a sense of orientation in time and place and person. it can be distressing and frustrating for me because i lose track of how long it has been since i spoke to friends or washed my clothes or applied for work. i also don't seem to be able to organise my memories in chronological order, and my sense of self varies very much from moment to moment because i am usually not completely present. i have a lot of different self states and these don't seem to relate to one another and sometimes dissociation makes time and place and self feel so fragmented that i have no idea what i am doing, or how everything around me makes any sense. dissociation is really weird and hard to explain but it can make your own life feel meaningless and disconnected and confusing, like if you woke up with partial amnesia. it is not fun and if i am late, or non present, or boring, sometimes it is because i am not very grounded in the organising principles of being a person. #anorexiarecovery#edrecovery#eatingdisorderrecovery#eatingdisordermemes#recovering#anarecovery#recovery#recoveringaussies#wellness#food#comic#doodling#sadart#bpdrecovery#bpd#borderline#mentalhealth#mentalillness#dissociation#disconnect#time
Borderline personality disorder has such a stigma around it and it makes me feel so terrible to have this diagnosis. I'm not an attention seeker. I'd do anything to not have this diagnosis. I feel awful and a waste of space to have this diagnosis and it hurts because I want to get better but I've had two psychologists in the last 2 months tell me that they don't know how to help me and that cuts me like a knife. But here's some things to explain it. #borderlinepersonalitydisorder#bpd#bpdrecovery#borderlinepersonalitydisorderrecovery#recoveryisworthit
This is me. I was diagnosed BPD and depressive disorder. I struggle with addictions. I struggle with self-harm. I struggle with self-esteem. I struggle with suicidal thoughts and actions. I struggle with my worth.
One wouldn’t think of these things if they see this picture, would they? But it’s true. There’s so much hiding behind this smile and this picture. A warrior. A little girl. A girl who’s been used. A girl who’s used others. A girl who’s given her body to more men than she’s proud of. A girl who yearns for love. A girl who cries at any feeling of abandonment and has intense emotions. A girl who lives alone and is lonely and struggles with it every. single. day. A girl who’s constantly fighting for her life but will do anything to save someone else’s.
Sometimes I wonder if she’s truly worth to keep fighting for with so much baggage and garbage attached to her.
I’m sure I’ll have some other vulnerability posts on this page at some point. But I just wanted to make an introduction to myself after hiding behind my username since creating this account. Much love and don’t be afraid to reach out. ❤️ #bpd#borderlinepersonalitydisorder#borderlinepersonality#depression#depressed#suicide#cutting#selfharm#cutting#dbt#therapy#bpdfam#bdpcommunity#bpdfacts#bpdproblems#bpdrecovery#bpdawareness#bpdwarrior#bpdthings#bpdstruggles
My stomach is sick and heavy as I type. Tears that won't fall making my eyes sticky, a sob caught in a throat that I can't seem to release.
Pressure has been building all day, anxiety and worries, thoughts of myself not being worthy for life.
I chatted with a friend. Got my breathing under control and from some place I didn't know I had, found enough to strength to try and choose recovery again.
I want my mind to recover from the hurt, the pain of hating myself for so long. My body to get a break from self harm relapses.
I want to be everything I can be and more. I want to be glorious. I want take over my lil world and make it a place of hope and glory and try to make sense out of the abstractness of my mind.
Im scared to fail. I'm scared I'll fall down and again, but ever time I have fallen down I've continued to stand up each time a little more resailant, a little braver, a little wiser.
Here's to the coming days, here's to the ones still standing by me and here's too those who read this and feel the same ❤️
This Pic is so powerful. 🌸
I feel slightly better in terms of depression and suicidal thoughts.
But I'm struggling a lot with self conscious thoughts, I doubt myself a lot since early childhood. I have no self esteem - never had. For years I'm trying to overcome my self hate, I'm mostly tolerating myself now, but still there are days I think I'll go crazy with all these feelings of self hate.
I'm now trying to find new ways to get to a better me, because I feel like I'm not the best version of myself. I'm trying to be kind to me, not as strict as I have been. So I have signed up for a yoga class in September. I hope it will help me get a better feeling for my body and also help me reduce the stress. I'm looking forward to it, even though I'm terribly afraid of being in a class with others. But I'll give it a try 💪🏻 i really want to learn to be at peace with myself. I think that will be the key to a lot of my problems. I just have to remind myself to take one step at a time. #recovery#depression#depressed#depressionrecovery#adultswithed#bulimia#bulimiarecovery#mentalhealthissues#bpd#bpdrecovery#selfharmrecovery#eatingdisorder#edrecovery#edfighters#yogabeginner
Why why, what a terrible time to be alive, If you're prone to overthinking. Why why, what a terrible time to be alive, If you're prone to second guessing.
These photos were taken 30 mins apart. You'd think I was happy on the left.. I lied.
Not fishing. It's been about a month now, I can't quite remember. My mental health isn't great. I'm not great. The problem is, everyone sees the happy jaz, the laughing jaz, playing netball jaz (or attempting to). I could happily stay in bed all day, turn my phone off, and forget the world. But then if I do it wins. I wake up mad, upset and hurt that i woke up. 10mins out of the day I'm okay, I'm happy I'm here that I woke up. Then I crash.
This feeling of emptiness, darkness and hurt isn't life. I'm just existing through life.
I don't want this anymore.
not bad for a few hours work! best £12 i ever spent was on #stardewvalley today. this game has been super relaxing for me and i recommend it to anyone who’s looking to pass hours on end. i’m so glad my friend suggested sdv to me, honestly. the whole concept is just so cute! it’s like #pokemon x #minecraft x #animalcrossing 😍 i’m glad to have a day of relaxation and peace of mind tbh, although i’ve got to do my esa form soon which i’m dreading but i can’t keep putting it off😩
I know sometimes you feel lonely.
You stare at your phone and wish you could make yourself reach out, to text someone that you’re having a hard day.
I know some moments feel so impossibly hard and hopeless.
But please know you are never alone.
These two loonies are staring back at you every day, scrolling through this site and marvelling at your strength.
I’m so incredibly proud of you.
Of every post and every hashtag you use and follow and interact with.
Even when you feel like you’re just complaining on the internet, just venting into thin air, you’re still reaching out.
You’re talking. You’re being brave and letting it out.
And I am so proud of you.
Me and Mr Puddin are so proud of you 💖
PTW😓 Honestly, I’m struggling so much. I feel like none of the staff here understand because they’re not used to dealing with ED’s. So because I’m not self harming as frequently and ending up in a&e they kind of just think I’m okay and managing well when truthfully at the minute my ED is destroying me. They keep saying they’re going to make plans and help me but nothing changes and they never actually do it. They just looked confused and shocked when I told them my case manager was debating about sending a referral back to the Priory and said ‘but you’re managing so well.’ Yes I am managing well in terms of self harm and my mood (to some extent), and attempts but not with my intake and behaviours and that’s what they don’t seem to understand and it’s so frustrating. Because maybe if they did understand then they’d be able to support me and I wouldn’t potentially be facing another admission. And yes I get from their point of view they probably look at me and think I look more than healthy and don’t look like I’m underweight and ill which kills me because it’s true, I don’t look anywhere near small enough to need admitting. And I get that it goes of physical health and bloods as well but I feel like ED services just want people to laugh at me and make me look like a fool. I just don’t even know what to do or where to go from here because I’m so so stuck and I want this to all go away so bad but it doesn’t it just gets worse and worse.
i don’t actually feel so bad today, i’ve been stuck into playing #stardewvalley so i’m quite content. still feel a bit drained and wiped out, worrying about my money because i don’t have much left. on top of that, i need to fill my esa form out and send it by tomorrow ideally, but when i look at the first question i instantly feel drained and can’t fathom what to put down. so i’m worried about that too. just been to the shop to get something to eat, now back into my room to play more sdv. shut it out 😂
I cried this morning when I found out @the_distillers_official have reunited for a tour because they were the most important band to me in high school and seeing them all 15 years later is very emotional for me. IT FEELS GREAT TO CRY!
Some people get upset when I compare mental illness to physical illnesses but it is very much an equal comparison that very few people choose to see. If we do look at it in comparison for a moment you will clearly be able to see the difference between mental health and mental illness. Just like our physical well being there is a distinction between diagnosed illnesses and stuff we know we need to do to kelp fit and healthy. Mental fitness is exactly the same. Mental health is like deciding to eat better or wanting to loose weight. It is something that will cause us long term issues if we choose to neglect it just as our physical body would. EVERYONE will have some form of mental health issue in their life. Just as we all would have some form of sickness, weakened immune system, injury or times we are not at our physical best. We LL KNOW THAT Doing little things every day to make sure we are in our optimal physical form to help ward off sickness and ailments. Taking care of our mental health is just as important as our physical health and serves the same purpose! To help ward off mental distress or periods where we are not functioning at optimal mental efficiency. These are the times people would often label as stressful or down times like catching a common cold. At times they can be more severe, last longer and need some form of treatment to get better. Situational depression is a very common flu of the mind. You could let it be and perhaps it will go away on its own, you could perhaps speed up the process with treatment or live with it and the inconveniences it creates much like my stubborn father who refused to do anything about the bulging disk in his back. Periods of mental unwellness are not to be confused with mental illnesses! Schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, autism, torrenTs, Parkinson disease are like being born with a physical disability that will be with the patient for life!Some severe forms of depression, anxiety disorders or personality disorders are like cancers or degenerative ailments that WILL NOT GO AWAY on there own! Just because you work on your mental health, does not mean you know anything about overcoming a mental illness.