"As we head into this holiday season, I have been able to feel more in control of my emotions by preparing for those down days. I have set aside alone time to write, read, and pamper myself physically and emotionally. I have a support system and visits scheduled with my adoptive family.
If your heart aches through this season or all year long, try to move forward knowing you are admired and loved for your sacrifice. You are loved. My heart is with you during this season and I pray for happy holidays for you and your loved ones!" Read the blog article one of our birth mamas, @cocoshannell, wrote as she enters into the holiday season. She has some great advice for birth mamas during this time. LINK IN BIO 💙 .
Infertility isn’t a choice. It’s not because it’s in the air, or I eat the wrong foods or I work out every week or because my husband has a tough disease (some of these you may think could cause it ☺️) but it’s rather a trial, just like any other hard trial given to someone. A trial that has been put on our bodies that we must learn to overcome. Sometimes it’s a permanent trial and we must learn to kneel at the Savior’s feet and ask for help to get through this trial. It may not be lifted from our earthly bodies but the comfort of our saviors peace and knowing in the next life our bodies will be made perfect and there will be tons of your children running around. Eternal perspective is what makes this mamas heart calm.💜💜
This is a long one guys and I’m a bit of an emotional mess.
I haven’t shared this before but Hendry’s mum Ruth is pregnant again and I’m really struggling.
At first I was shocked and then if I’m honest I felt a little disappointed. After she placed Henny with us she got a job and I had seen such a change in her. She was positive and determined to take every opportunity she could. She had a spark I hadn’t seen before and a new zest for the future.
She had enrolled her daughter Melissa in school. Not just the local school either, which was the easy option, but an English school so she would learn a second language and be able to talk with Henny properly.
Placing Hendry was a hard, heart wrenchingly brave decision and I know it wasn’t one she took lightly. I know she is still grieving. She probably always will. So I was disappointed she was putting herself through the same heartbreak just months later.
The first thing she told me was that it was an accident. (Contraception is scarce in Vanuatu. And sex before marriage is frowned upon so it’s all a bit sneaky and not spoken about)
The second thing she told me is that after she delivers she will call me to come and get the baby.
And while my heart is happy that she loves us and trusts us enough to want that again - having another baby right now would be practically impossible.
Clint and I carefully explained that early and said we would help her and support her with whatever decision she makes - but I feel so awful.
I feel I’m letting her down. Letting Henny down. Letting the baby down. I feel my reasons (we have a tiny apartment and our cars are not big enough for 4 kids and how would I visit my mum in the UK with three of them and how could I afford to feed them all as hungry teens) just seem so insignificant.
I told Clint today that I’m not Okay with it. And I cried.
Honestly I expected this day to come. But I just didn’t think it would be this soon.
I feel so protective over Ruth and I’m hurting for her. 💙👶🏾
Whenever Lemmon feels bad about something she’s done that she thinks I don’t know about (even though I do 😆) she will retell me what happened but end it with that she said she was sorry. Like the other night I asked her how it was playing with her cousin and the first thing out of her mouth “I pushed and I poke eye. But I say sorry!” 🤦🏽♀️ BTW only half of that ended up being true 🤣 She’s just growing up to fast!
Use code MRSPALMER for 15% off your @danielwellington watch. Plus an extra 10% off two or more products for the Holidays! #danielwellington
Who have been the voices you have learned from? Tag those people below and tell them thank you 🖤
I’ll never forget stumbling across @bigtoughgirl on periscope (before the age of Instagram live), desperately searching to hear a birth mothers experience - and realizing how different it was than the narrative I told myself.
Or the first time I watched @angieadoptee movie, Closure. How it woke me up to the complex feelings that many adoptees feel (and continue to learn through her adopted life series). Or the when I read @wethetates or @madisonviningblog words of grief and hope, and what it’s like to parent after loss.. So thankful for the people that share their stories - that give us insight into another perspective. At the end of the day, we need each other. #birthmom#adoptee#adoptiontriad#mykindredstory#bettertogether#adoptionislove#adoptionishard
I am SO proud of Tevan! Friday was his BFA show and he killed it! His installation was huge and cool and SO fun! The president of UVU even came to the show! She is SO cool and I was so excited to meet her. Tevan’s worked for a whole year on this project and it totally paid off. It was awesome to watch people walk up and smile and say some iteration of “Whoa! That’s so cool!” Little kids especially had so much fun playing and interacting with the piece. Tevan is now officially done with school forever! Way to go babe!!!
Someone recently asked if I’d regretted my decision to make an adoption plan years ago. It’s a horrible question, really. Perhaps I regret the circumstances surrounding my decision. I regret the pain and agony that led me to say goodbye in the first place. I regret the heart ache that led us to re-adopt her back into our family years later. But I don’t regret choosing life or giving birth to a beautiful baby girl. I did, and will continue, to make the best decision I can at a particular time in my life. 💚
Who says I should wallow in regret anyway? Regret feels like one giant wave after another crashing overhead and I’m suffocating. I refuse to dwell on regrets. Or the What Ifs. Or the What Have I Done-s. I only have today. 💚
And who’s to say where I would be today if I hadn’t made an adoption plan for my sweet girl. Would I have married my husband, the birth father? Maybe. Would I have given birth to three boys? Perhaps. Would I have become an adoptive mom? Probably not. Would I have become the person I am today? No way.
Our experiences are there to mold and shape us daily. Our past is relevant to who we are at this very moment. Dwelling in regret often leads to bitterness and shame. Grace is absent when I linger with regrets. There is no room for growth. 💚
I can reflect on my decision…but I refuse to sit underneath regret and let it steal my joy. 💚
Shout out to my favorite photographer and friend @julia.renae.photo.
Yesterday was one of the best days since we brought our sweet boy home. We got to visit with his birth parents for the first time since we left the hospital, give them ornaments we made of Finn’s handprint and footprint, and got to see them love on our boy all afternoon. I love sharing with people how beautiful adoption can be. We have so much love for Finn’s first family, they have become our extended family and I can’t wait until we can visit with them again. This little boy is so so loved.
Hi! It's Tom & Christine. We have snow & freezing rain today. We would love to pull our child around in a sled and build a snowman on snow days. You, a birthmom, making a decision of adoption for your child. .. You are in our prayers. We pray for you & your choices. If you choose to get to know us & consider us as parents for your child- then we pray you contact us.
We are looking for a private adoption. We are homestudy approved, so we can adopt anywhere in the US. We are open to gender & race. Please reach out to us...
Text directly: 1-888-556-0037
My Heart is full... our kids were able to go with me to see a birth Family placing a baby with the adoptive family! Holding the baby was such a treat and watching this through my kids eyes expressing love for their birth families was priceless! I’m so grateful for Adoption and thankful to be part of this experience and have made lots of new friends too!!! Please... Ask my kids about their adoption... they love talking about it and love that they are adopted! More people to love them through life... spoiled with love!!! #adoption#bestgiftever#familyisagift#birthmom#birthdad#birthfamily#adoptivefamily#kidsarepriceless#thankfulfulness
Holidays can be a very hard time for the triad. I love Christmas time. It is magical and sparkly and filled with love and excitement for family. But for some of us that are in the throws of adoption trauma it can be very difficult. To my fellow Birth Mothers. I see you. The holidays are filled with reminders of all the things we are missing, all the “what-ifs” and “could have been”. We wonder all month if we will be remembered or acknowledged, we wonder if we will be included in their family Christmas traditions, we question whether or not we can or should send something, we want to know every detail of the excitement and sparkle in their eye but at the same time it pains us to know there is sparkle that for not include us. Take some time, beautiful friends for YOU. Honor yourself, acknowledge yourself, celebrate yourself....and your child. Light a candle, buy a gift, an evening of silence and reflection, a night out to enjoy the magical holiday season....whatever it is just don’t hide, don’t isolate, don’t shame. We are standing with you and we love you! Be sure to love on the Birth Mom in your life this holiday season! .
⛄️ Do you want to build a Snowman?
❄️ Some people are worth melting for! ⛄️ 💕 If you or somebody you know is experiencing an unplanned pregnancy... Adoption is a loving option! 💕
Call to understand the adoption processs. It might be the answer to your prayers! No pressure! Confidential, you are not alone ❄️
Text Only to (385)202-0094
It's been getting very quiet around here...because Lemmon has been sneaking the presents into our room to take a peak! But I can't be to mad because she is just so excited! We all have been sneaking into our bedroom actually. #ad Our @Zinus bed frame has really pulled our room together. We wanted something simple but made our bed stand out. I have a feeling most Christmas presents are going to end up being opened in here ;-) #liveinwonder#zinus
http://liketk.it/2yI6h #liketkit @liketoknow.it
Just got home from attending my big sister’s Women’s Empowerment event. I loved hearing other women and their encouraging words in support of women and the power and influence we have on this world. I am so proud of my sister for working hard with her friend to put it together and share their passions with the community. I was able to connect with a few ladies that were truly knowledgeable and such great resources in my community. What are ways you are influencing those around you for good? What have others done for you that have positively influenced you?
I am in awe of Gods goodness, grace and His incredible, forensic, detailed involvement in our lives. THE END.
The end? That’s the good part, the view from the mountain top my friend. But what you missed was the 13 year climb- the middle of the story that has led me to this prizewinning moment that justifies the price I’ve had to pay to get here. Let’s back up to the beginning so you can see the full picture... ❤️12.7.05 (13 years ago today) I gave birth to an 8lb 2oz baby boy that I chose to place for adoption with an amazing couple that were an answer to prayer. Never once have I regretted that decision but I’ve also never forgotten what it felt like to hold the sweet baby boy that made me a #birthmom at the age of 16. Or how logically I knew giving him up was the best thing for both of us, but logic was little consolation to the mama inside of me that just wanted to be with her baby forever. 💔
Fast forward 11 years to ❤️12.7.16 The day I picked up all of my medication and syringes for our IVF (in vitro fertilization) cycle because we desperately wanted a baby and were told it would be nearly impossible naturally. Unfortunately for my husband and I, the IVF cycle failed and we were at the end of the road as far as fertility treatments were concerned. Hope was lost.
1 year later on ❤️ 12.7.17 I was 26 days away from giving birth to our miracle baby boy Carson. You know, the baby that doctors told us we had a 0.002% chance of ever conceiving naturally!
Now here we are on ❤️ 12.7.18 and I’m 22 weeks pregnant with our second miracle - a thriving baby girl that we got to see TODAY wiggling around on the ultrasound. 😭
The number SEVEN represents perfection or completion and
it’s taken 13 years but it’s all come full circle on December SEVENTH. 🤯 It doesn’t get anymore perfect than that which is why I am in awe of Gods incredible, forensic, detailed involvement in our lives.
Navigating my middle moments is what has motivated me to sit and type these words to you. I am writing to every exhausted climber, weary traveler, hopeless heart and frustrated follower. If you’re reading these words, I pray you find hope and that you resolve to keep climbing.
Spent the last 2 hours with one of the best gifts I've ever been given. I am eternally grateful for Alli and her sweet family. I was able to take Alli and her sister Livvie to paint some ceramics today. We talked the entire time and I just have to say that both of those sweet girls are truly amazing! There will never be words enough for me to describe the feeling I get every time I get to hear her say "I Love You!" #birthmom#adoptionblessedmylife#openadoption#lovewithoutfear
“I’m still getting used to having a sister.”
▪️On telling bio siblings (Part 3)
My oldest son’s comment didn’t come from a place of anger or bitterness—just a simple statement that reminded me this: Adoption leaves behind a trail of questions, some that soak and linger over time, for bio siblings. 💙
For years, my son had thought he was the OLDEST. He’d found pride in where he stood in the birth order and used his first-born rights to dominate over his younger brothers, often settling disputes with, “Well…I’m the oldest.” 💙
When he discovered that he had an older sister who was placed for adoption—and that he wasn’t the oldest after all—I expected him to pout or complain. He didn’t. When he celebrated along with his younger siblings I thought the matter had been settled. He internalized his feelings and I didn’t probe. Instead, I concentrated on trying to “normalize” our family. But there is nothing “normal” about adoption. It’s an imperfect scenario with an imperfect beginning. 💙
When we re-adopted his sister in the family, I could tell that my son had big dreams for their relationship. I can tell he thinks the world of her. I can also tell that he wishes he’d had more time together in their growing up years. That simple fact breaks my heart a little. 💙
We must keep talking about the impact of adoption on bio siblings. Once we find the confidence to share our adoption story with bio children—that’s where the hard work begins. We have to keep the door open and allow for the tough questions. What our children think about adoption at an early age changes and becomes more complex as they become older and turn into adults. 💙
As parents, we have to probe further. We have to give them a place to express and help them grow into healthy adults. We have to teach them to choose unconditional love over fear 💙
'What did you feel like when you held that child? What did you feel like when you signed the legal documents? How did all of that feel?'⠀
"I never was asked those questions. It was an island for me." - Stephanie, birth mom⠀
Watch the rest of Stephanie's story of #BraveLove on our Facebook page, link in bio. ❤️⠀
Last month was adoption awareness month and I wanted to do a free session for someone who’s life has been changed by adoption. Martha was my winner! She is a birth mom and an adoptee. I found her by the guidance of God on Instagram and she took the time to talk to me on the phone for almost an hour to walk me through some things I had been struggling with. She will never know how much I treasure her insight and advice and how she has touched my family. We had so much fun shooting and her little boy Michael smiled for EVERY. SINGLE. PICTURE. What 1 year old does that? I fell in love with that little boy! Anyway, Martha please know how you’ve blessed my little family and I cant wait for a spring shoot! 🥰. Oh and also, she holds birth mom support groups and is trained in ethical adoptions. If you have any questions or need to talk, i know she would love it! @holdingyouinmyheart
We are filled with joy this holiday season. Many blessing to the Leslie's family who had their adoption finalization this week. ⠀
For more information on our AdoptionWorks ministry, please contact us today. buff.ly/2rqnMJu #ChristianWorks#AdoptionWorks