the most important thing i have learnt from years of being open with my mental health, is that so many people around me also struggle. before “coming out” as bipolar, i felt so isolated and lonely, because i didn’t know anybody that was mentally ill. in actuality, i did, but they felt that same loneliness and so, they didn’t tell anyone either. but when i started opening up, other people did the same to me. that’s why i find vulnerably so empowering, i can bear my soul to a stranger and it connects us, makes that person comfortable with me and allows us to have a real conversation. i don’t keep secrets anymore, and i have never felt as light and free as i do today. i have had so many thought provoking and life altering conversations with so many people, all from different walks of life, with unique and incredible stories. making someone feel comfortable around you is wonderful, and being able to talk about taboo subjects is so freeing. and as i started to befriend more people suffering from mental illnesses, i stopped feeling like a freak. if we all just said what we really felt, if we spoke about our struggles with openness and candor, the stigma will disintegrate - if we keep speaking up we will change the world for the better. so many people suffer in silence, people you know, people you meet everyday. maybe they don’t have anyone to talk to. maybe they’re too scared, maybe they feel alone. you never know when you sharing your story, being open about mental illness, will change someone else’s life. we all want to feel like we belong, and mental illness can make that hard. but we are all battling something, and it’s better to fight in the open. i refuse to be silent, and i refuse to be ashamed. •
🎵Mark Ronson ft. Miley Cyrus - Nothing Breaks Like A Heart🎵 #MusicMonday this week. The lyrics are powerful... a broken heart causes knock on effects far deeper than just the heart. Your mind races, and your body goes numb. Love one another 💞
i screwed up... i was doing so well, i was almost 3 weeks pull free but this happened. i am so anxious these days. i hate myself for doing this. i am disgusting. all i need is someone to be my side, love me and care about me. all i need is the boy sits right behind me. his caring words and loving arms.
CRYING IN THE CLUB THIS AFTERNOON!
I have had this class that has been kicking my ass all semester. It’s been the source of a lot of anxiety and, at times, depression. I’ve felt beaten down because of how hard the content of the class has been. I’ve felt weak because I was living in the professor’s office, constantly asking for help. I’ve been so disappointed the last few weeks because my grade in the class has steadily declined. But an hour ago, I found out that I turned that around and ended with an A in the class.
I’m really not buying into the whole college thing anymore. I see it as getting an expensive piece of paper that allows you to get a job. Necessary for my life and future? Yes. But I have no sentimental attachment to college. So a lot of time I’ll comment on that piece of paper, saying that I don’t care what grades I get because I’ll still get the damn piece of paper. Let’s be real: my anxiety is off the walls and actually believing that is really hard to do. So I overwork myself and obsess about the numbers on my online portal.
It’s moments like this that make me feel like I can reclaim my badassery. I let this class control me. I let it overwhelm me. I let the anxiety it caused get to me. But here we are, 14 weeks of class later, and this bitch came out on top.
You might not always be able to talk yourself out of anxiety. Which sucks. But that’s part of having an anxiety disorder. But then the moment comes, the days like this, when you finally reach the top of the mountain and you can look down at the climb and see how far you’ve come. And the only thing you can do in that moment is recognize that YOU were the one that made it happen. No one else could make that climb for you. No one else could keep going the way you did when you thought you were going to slip and fall but instead chose to climb higher.
I’m not saying the anxiety was worth it. Because that’s bullshit. I’m saying I overcame my anxiety. I worked hard to make my way through it, like walking through the ocean. I pushed the waves aside. And now I can be out at sea, enjoying the sun shining on the water.
Thank you for your thoughtful holiday gift 🎁 for our office, Dr Assia Stepanian @acadwomenshealth . We appreciate all that you do for our clients needing gynecological services.
Your gifts will be delivered to the office, for the staff, yourself, and #themichaelnight as soon as I wrap them later this week.
эта фотка для меня как иллюстрация моего БАР:короткие промежутки хорошего настроения,а в остальном беспросветная депрессия и так продолжается уже очень давно.
на сегодняшний день состояние мое так себе:я рыдаю каждый день,меня может вывести из равновесия любая мелочь и я словно заперта в замкнутом пространстве полном флешбеков.я прокручиваю эти воспоминания снова и снова,чувствую боль и ненависть к себе от непонимания,что же сделала не так тогда и от того,что в свои 30 лет оказалась обузой на шее своей матери.просвета совсем не видно и никакой надежды нет.есть только давление,которое на меня оказывает окружение,думая,будто я со всем справлюсь и всё смогу.будто я им ДОЛЖНА это.
ну же,take a look at me now,я лежу на земле обездвиженная.я не знаю больше,кто я и что и куда мне идти.
мне не нужна была вера в меня и дурацкие советы.мне нужно было,чтобы кто-то остался рядом.
и то важное,что я хочу донести до тех,кто прочтёт это: ‼️не откладывайте поход к врачу,если чувствуете,что депрессия длится слишком долго ‼️поход к психотерапевту это не стыдно.
тем,кто борется в одиночку с этим недугом,с этим полуденным демоном,вся моя любовь!