I'm writing this ahead of time and it is all most will get.
I owe no one anything.
Please do not overwhelm me with texts or calls, asking questions, or make me anxious about the following; and if you absolutely must, or feel compelled to or want to encourage, do not expect a response. Not soon, anyway.
No one would want to state the following ever, let alone have to repeat it.
My precious, strong, beautiful warriorBoy got his angel wings today.
This battle is over.
After fighting for more than half his brief life, Benjiman has finally decided to go home and get some rest.
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14 NIV
When I grow up, I want to be half as strong as Benjiman.
See you in my dreams till we hold you again, kid.
Thank you all for your prayers and your roles in our journey.
And we war on.
I don’t think about the days that they left.. the actual days.. June 27th, February 22nd and October 14th ... in fact I do everything I can to not think about those days .. I’ve processed them, I’ve felt all the feelings and for years, yup years.. I played those moments that they left out in my mind .. did I say all that I could.. what were they thinking .. why did they leave me .. and if you are wondering what days I am referring to - June 27th, 2010 is the day my dad died. February 22nd, 2011 is the day Chloe died and October 14th, 2012 is the day my mom died. Those days are the days my whole world changed forever. Each time a part of me died.. each time I felt I would never be ok again and each time I felt as if I wasn’t ever going to breathe again.
The good news is that I am some what ok.. different and my whole world is forever changed. The bad news is that huge parts of me did die those days. I wish I could write a poetic post of discovery and a experience on a mountain top but instead, I was isolated in my home and cried for months and I couldn’t breathe.. I lost all that I loved. No one saved me, Chloe’s dad tried.. and a few of my family members and close friends were and are amazing but I had to find my way.. no one could grieve for me.. I had to find my way. And I still do every day with the help of God, some really amazing soul work and the work I do to guide others to find their way. And where I will tell you to start is if anything .. just take a breath.. there is no right, there is no wrong.. just cry or don’t .. just be still or get busy but don’t wait .. if you can go live .. go find the sun .. go honor the love that still remains .. go love those who love you .. go and laugh and dance.. go live .. I try every second of the day to be who I want to be. And if anything just remember to breathe 💛🙏🏻 I send you all my love and grace and I will forever be grateful to walk this journey with you ♥️
Happy heavenly 3rd birthday to my beautiful 7month old Sonny, yesterday was bittersweet but not a year goes by where I won’t celebrate your life and not a day goes by without me longing for the day I hold you and your sister in my arms again, love you always Sienna & Sonny ❤️ happy third birthday my perfect son ☀️ #birthday#3#baloons#son#bereavement#bereavedmother#love#family#happybirthday
Yesterday, I turned 27. To be honest, I’m not usually a birthday person 🤷♀️ but this year was especially hard. I had a big plan for 27 year old me and my family but God threw a wrench in those plans 3 short years ago.
Old me would have moped around all day, but the new, strong & happier me decided to think about the things I have accomplished by 27: landed a fantastic teaching job, lived in Central America for 2 years, spent 5 years loving the best man in the world & blessed with friends and family that have been there through the highs and lows.
I will get where I want to be, and even if it takes a little longer than I originally planned, I’ll smile everyday knowing there’s a reason.
Enjoy each day, each month, each year and enjoy the damn cupcake, sister 🎂❤️
Come and join other loss mamas this Saturday for drinks and lunch near Baker Street station. The table is booked for 1pm with the plan to order as and when we want to, with enough space to be able to mingle and not have to be seated the whole time. The table is booked under my name - if you don’t know it, please DM me to find out! •
Why am I organising meet ups? No one understands baby loss like another baby loss mummy...having the support of 2 local loss mummies has saved me time and time again. I’d like to build a network for mummies in London where we can all support each other and be supported too. It’ll be a safe space to talk, share our babies, laugh and cry. •
Five years ago, I decided to start channeling my grieving process into making mixes for Blair. It had been 3 years since he died. I needed a place to put all of the songs that made me think of him; to tell the story of my relationship with a celestial body and continue a tradition that started while he was still alive. Music has been an essential part of processing everything that happened to me, and it felt like the right way to honor his memory. This year marks the fifth mix, and I decided to share them with those willing to listen.
Happy Birthday, Blair. I won't hold back anything, and I won't care if you don't hear, because all I want is to be true, and say to all that I love you tonight.
Read the full blog post on DANIELSTALTER.COM (Link in bio). #grief#mixtape#bereavement#process#catharsis
Tahlequah 💙🐳 "...No te suelto... La mamá orca que llevó el cuerpecito muerto de su bebé encima. Nadó por días, 17 días, con su bebé a cuestas. Había nacido muerto, y ella no soltaba.
Mar arriba y mar abajo, no soltó a su bebé. Tal era su pena que nadó y nadó con su bebé muerto, el cuerpo caído, flojo, peso sin vida. Estaría cansada, por la muerte y por la pena.
Sus comadres la sostuvieron. La ayudaban a nadar, a seguir viva en la muerte.
Nadie le dijo suelta, eres joven, te estás volviendo loca.
Era su hijo. Ella su mamá.
No le suelta.
Hasta que soltó.
Soltó porque su hijo es más que un cuerpo, su hijo lo es todo, ese todo imposible de soltar porque es ella misma, la eternidad del amor.
Nos deseo tiempo de no soltar, de duelo sostenido.
Nos deseo espacio para nadar." Un texto de Para Luna, de mamá
Just under three hours remain until I’m LIVE on Legacy.com’s Facebook page to review the new @facebookwatch show @sorryforyourloss! 📺 Like Legacy.com on Facebook to be noticed when the broadcast begins. 💚 #shelbyforsythia
On behalf of our family we wish to express our heartfelt gratitude for all of your prayers, acts of kindness, expressions of sympathy and the love bestowed upon us. Your visits, your calls, your cards, your texts, your Facebook posts have kept us uplifted. The flowers and plants you sent surrounded us with beauty. Your presence at Mattie Sue Brown's Celebration of Life honored her legacy. And the food you've been sending continues to feed and comfort us.Thank you and God bless all of you.
My all time favourite doll.
Bereavement dolls 💜
These can be made any colour. Maybe your angels birthstone colour or just your general favourite colour. With or without wings.
Just send me a message and we can work out what would be best for your little angel