Just got home from my meeting with my psychologist🙈
I had these fabulous thin breads with chicken and cottage cheese for lunch, ON THE BUS!😳🙊
The appointment went well, but we talked longer than usual. I guess I really needed to went of some things🙊
Got the first time ever I really like my psychologist, but even though, it’s like I’m in a bubble and I can’t let her, or anyone else in!🤦♀️
It’s getting better each time, and I’m always completely honest with her. I just wish I could pop the bubble and let my feelings out🤭
It still feels like I’m not sick enough, like I don’t deserve help, I’m fine...🙃
But deep down I know it’s not true, therefore I’m accepting all help I can get. I’m open to try everything. I’m willing to do what feels wrong!
We can’t see that we need help, cuz we can’t see how sick we are. But trust me, you deserve help and there is no “sick enough” cuz your ED will never be satisfied ❤️
#snack was a homemade latte and 2 ginger biscuits.
I managed it all😁 I didn't count my calories on Monday but I failed yesterday and counter them today is a new day and I'm going to try and not count so far so good.😄😁💪🏼
#lunch was a chicken toastie a yogurt a cereal bar some raisins and some apple juice.
I managed it all 😁 and like I was saying yesterday the full fat yogurts where something I was scared of having but know that I have done it a few time the fear is gone yes there is still a part of me that is saying why is it full fat the 0% fat is better don't get the full fat ones get the 0% fat but I'm not aloud to get they ones so i have to put up with the full fat ones whether i like it or not even if I find it hard it will get easier I promise just keep pushing through the horrible thoughts and feeling of guilt after it because trust me that feeling will go away in time you just have to keep pushing through it.😁😄💪🏼
#nightsnack was 2 pancakes with strawberry jam a cup of tea with one sugar and milk and a ginger biscuit.
I managed it all😁 after night snack is when I'm most relaxed because I don't have to think about what is next to eat yes I think about what I have ate but it's not as bad as it used to be.😄😁😃
Dinner with dad was smoked salmon, potatoes, vegetables and sour cream sauce 🤤
The last days has been super hard, and I think I know why🙈
I’m going through my head over and over again, I’m challenging myself everyday, sometimes big, sometimes small and I’m accepting the fact that my setting point is higher than I thought 🤭😬🙃
The thing is, I’m feeling like crap and I want to give up.
I also feel more free, more positive about the future and I think I’ve given some peace to my family💖
Recovery is up and down, recovery is laugh and cry, recovery is right but feels wrong.
Recovery is worth it❤️
#dinner was fish chips and some noodles. For after was a yogurt and a apple.
I managed it all 😁 I know it is scared to break a habit or to eat a fear food and it is difficult but trust me the more and more you do it the easier and easier it will get. The first time I ate the full fat yogurt I was crying and feeling so so guilty after it even the second time but it became easier yes it can still be difficult but it is so worth doing it you will thank yourself in the long run you will eventually start to feel happy you did it and you should be you should be so happy and proud of yourself for doing it because you should you are so strong for not giving up and for fighting to be yourself again and not letting ana control your life.😁💪🏼😄
#snack is a homemade latte and 2 ginger biscuits .
I'm feeling a bit better than yesterday snack will be a little challenge as I had been pouring half of my milk down the drain but mum has stopped me and I'm glad she has no normal person would do that so I shouldn't 😃😄💪🏼
Hello and happy Monday 👋
Today has been really calm actually and I’m thankful for that, cuz I’m still exhausted 🙈
This might be a bit too much information but I’m so happy! I’ve got my period 🙊
I’ve had it once before since I started real recovery, but it was so long ago that I started to get worried 🤭
Anyway, I’ve been feeling full all day and eating has felt like impossible 😳 don’t worry though, I’ve managed all my meals💪
Our eating disorder has taken control of our hunger feelings, we can’t always trust our body when it says it’s full. We have to relearn how to read our signals❤️
#lunch was @costacoffee I had tomato and basil soup with a slice of bread and a cup of tea.
I feel so bad for having the bread I normally just have soup mum had a cereal bar with her as well but I didn't eat it because I already feel bad for eating the bread and it's making me feel worse known I could have just had the cereal bar instead.😃😄💪🏼
Bild från den fantastiska sommar vi haft, det var inte lika ljust o varmt imorse kl. 06.00. Sprang 8 km och som vanligt så otroligt värt det. Den där känslan när endorfinerna bubblar runt i kroppen är så härlig. Det leder till att en piggare mamma väcker barnen. En ny vecka och livet känns trots allt helt ok och vi kämpar på här hemma. Min hjälte och jag och resten av gänget som oxå finns där hela tiden. Det är en djävulsk kamp som hon kämpar, det gör förbannat ont i mitt hjärta när jag ligger bredvid henne, håller om henne, jag släpper aldrig och jag slutar aldrig kämpa med henne. Det är inte alltid helt lätt att förstå alla hennes känslor, men min kärlek, mitt tålamod och min styrka sviker henne aldrig.
Glöm inte att le mot varandra, att skänka en annan människa ett öppet o ärligt leende kan göra hela den människans dag så mycket bättre. #anorexiafighter#anorexiasucks#löpningärterapi#löpninggerenergi#löpningendelavlivet#löpningförsjälen#ettleendekanförändraallt#ettleendeförlängerlivet
#breakfast was a mix of bran flakes and frosties and some apple juice.
I woke up feeling really bloated and horrible I know this is an excuse ana tries to make to make me restrict but guess what I didn't I kicked her but and ate the whole bowl of cereal so #fuckana 😃😄💪🏼
#nightsnack was a muffin with strawberry jam a cup of tea with one sugar and milk and a extra rich tea because I missed snack.
I've not had the best day but I've not had the worst day the one good thing that has happened today is I didn't count my calories.😃😄💪🏼
#dinner was parmesan breaded chicken with peppers and sweet potato mix. For after was a apple some raisins 2 yogurts and some apple juice.
I was struggling with this tonight ana was telling me there was too much on my plate there is too much food I shouldn't eat it all. I want to be able to say I didn't listen to her but I left one slice of the chicken and the yellow peppers. I was really struggling with what I did eat and I feel so bad for it my stomach is so full and bloated. I did manage everything after it which I guess is good I had apple juice to make up for the milk at snack time.😃😁🙄💪🏼
Lâcher prise, c'est ne pas s'occuper de tout ce qui arrive,
et laisser les autres gérer leur propre destin.
Salut tout le monde ! Comment allez vous ?
Ce matin unau dormis hyper tard pour une fois !
Ce matin j’ai trop rien fais et cette après midi j’ai fait du yoga j’ai ranger un puis je suis partit pour ma chambre d’étudiante, une fois arriver j’ai tout ranger puis je suis aller marcher une heure en parlant avec ma maman et sa ma fais énormément de bien de lui parler !
Demain je me lève tôt pour aller mon cours de comportementalisme équin j’ai hâte !
Bonne soirée mes petits chat 😘❤️
This is me 6 years ago, the last summer before my eating disorder started😐
The day after I’d celebrated my birthday, about to have leftovers of cake for lunch 🎂 •
She doesn’t care that she had cake the day before.
She doesn’t care that it’s classified as “unhealthy”.
She doesn’t mind that she eats more than her company.
That girl is careless!🙌
I want that girl back!
No food is our enemy, our eating disorder is!
When we feel fear of a food, it’s the eating disorder who’s scared to loose control. The eating disorder wants to own us, wants us to follow every stupid rule and even if we do, the eating disorder will never be satisfied.🤦♀️
We have to fight, even when it’s hard.
We have to eat, even when we think we don’t want to.
We have to follow our cravings, even when the ED hides them.
We have to listen to our body, even though we feel lazy.
We have to win, we have no option.
There is only one way to go, through the pain to the happy place!💕
#lunch was a hard boiled egg sandwich a cereal bar a yogurt and some apple juice.
I was struggling after my sandwich I was feeling so bad and horrible because I know I won't be doing anything today i feel so lazy I managed to eat the yogurt through a lot of tears but didn't managed the cereal bar I feel so horrible and lazy my stomach is also sore so that's not helping. I know I need the food no matter what I'm doing through the day but it's difficult I'm so used to restricting when I can't do anything I'm trying hard not to though.😄🙄💪🏼😁
#breakfast was bran flakes and some apple juice.
I managed it all 😃 I woke up this morning feeling so rubbish feeling like I wanted to restrict why because I have no plans today I will probably be in the house all day doing nothing which I find really difficult it makes me feel lazy. I always want to be doing something because if I don't I feel so unproductive like there is so much things that could be done I feel like I waste the day. But sometimes you need a day where you do absolutely nothing and I need to learn that it's okay but it is going to be so difficult.😃😄😊💪🏼
Breakfast a while ago😋
It feels like I’m stuck, like things are getting harder and I’m getting more tired🤦♀️
I’m not giving up though and I’m really trying to listen to my body. •
Everyday is a fight, and loosing is not an option!💪❤️
Dinner in New York! I’m sorry I have not been active for I while, I have been extremely busy with photo shoots and commercials. Anyway, dinner on set tonight was salmon (cooked with oil!!!), green beans, and some grape tomatoes. Delicious! My mom didn’t want me to eat all of the salmon as she didn’t want me to gain tons and be bloated before my shoots tomorrow. 😰 But I ate all of it anyway!! P.S I will be posting another food pic after this! #fuckana#anorexic#anorexiasucks#fuckanorexia#eatthefoodsyoulove#lovefood#loveyourself
#nightsnack was one of these muffin things with strawberry jam and a cup of tea with one sugar and milk.
I managed it all😁 I'm not feeling my best just feeling a bit rubbish in general but going to Watch a few movies with mum to distract myself. 😁😃😄
This was lunch/afternoon snack with a half a cup of orange cranberry juice. This bar was tw 190 calories and really scared me. But it was so so good so im happy I had it. This is not a big enough lunch or snack but what can you do when your sick? Im really fighting, I am. Tw awful body image so it's really not helping anything. I'm fighting but I still feel so helpless and worthless. #anorexicgirl#eatingdisorderrecovery#edfighter#edwarrior#anorexiasucks#ed#recoverywin#recovery
Vous devez être le changement que vous voulez voir dans ce monde.
Salut tout le monde ! Comment allez vous ?
Ça matin on est aller faire les course et j’ai trouver plein de petite chose à tester j’ai hâte ! On est rentrer super tard donc on a vite manger et après on est aller à Action puis à La vie Claire avec ma maman ou là encore j’au trouver pleiiin de chose à tester donc un tartinable troooop bon !
En rentrant j’ai fait des pancakes pour moi et mes parents puis j’ai fait un petit peu de yoga !
Par contre j’ai encore pleurer pour Cobalt ... car je vois une fille de mon cours qui mets des snap de lui ... j’ai peur qu’à mon retour je ne le monte plus ...et il me manque énormément ... mais je me bats et on continue ... bonne soirée mes petits chat ❤️
All week I’ve been thinking “How am I supposed d to manage Saturday without compensating?”🙈
And the answer is, take one meal at a time, take one day at a time.
What you’re planning to eat should not affect your meals before or after.
Compensating is not okay!
This week has been hard, but I haven’t compensated. 😳
No I haven’t been able to follow all my cravings but I have to take it step by step and I’m making progress! 💪
Most important I’m still challenging myself and I’m following my psychologist recommendations and accepting the help she’s offering🙈
Today has been challenging in so many ways, food wise and the fact that I haven’t moved much at all😳
But that’s okay, and my body is thanking me!🙌
And the challenges aren’t over yet🤭
Can’t wait for the day I follow my cravings completely without a bad conscious, the day I enjoy life and stop fearing the food I love!💕
We deserve a life without anxiety❤️
#dinner was couscous and garlic chicken. For after was a apple some raisins and a yogurt.
I managed it all except the raisins😊 I am feeling so so bad for eating it all I feel so fat and greedy and horrible I just wish this would all go away I hate myself so much right now I am feeling so full and bloated and sick I hope it goes away soon. Im going to try and distract myself by watching movies with mum.😊😁😃
Breakfast was mug cakes made with: - Oats
- egg white
- flax seed
- 1/2 banana
- a little bit of cooking powder
- all of that topped with 1/3 banana, star fruit, mangoes and sugar free maple syrup!
I ate it while talking with my little sister. It was really nice to talk with her about our struggles and like we could relate to each other. We made jokes about it and we really feel even more connected because if these days.
It is hard, but at least we have each other and we understands what the other is feeling. It is such a good feeling to not be alone anymore even though I wish she wouldn't live that.❣ I wish to everyone to have someone whom to talk to. It is so delivering💕
#snack is @costacoffee I had a normal skinny latte with 2 brown sugars and 4 chocolate wafer biscuits
I'm feeling okay just now we were going to have a cake from a bakery but they didn't have any I liked so we just came to costa ☕😁😊
#lunch was at a cafe up town I had a egg roll and a cup of tea. For after was a empire biscuit.
I managed the egg roll and I really enjoyed it but I only managed half of the bottom of the biscuit and the jelly tot on top but I feel so horible for eating it it tasted so buttery and it's all unknown calories which I know is good which means I can't count the calories so that a good thing I guess but i really want to count.😁😃😄
Today is going to be challenging, it already is🙈
But we’re celebrating Marcus birthday (1 day too late) so he’s in charge of activities and food🙊
This was lunch, pork meat, potato cake and pepper sauce!
Later we’re going to the cinema, and I’m having a latte from espresso house😳
More challenges are coming and I’m scared shitless😅
Body image is awful and I’m drained, but that is no reason to skip. Because I feel fat does not mean I am. Because I feel unworthy does not mean I am!
Facing fears makes us stronger and our eating disorder weaker!💪❤️
🐣hi!!! this was #breakfast (saturday special) and also my 0.5k followers challenge!!!!!! (tw?):
💭this morning i woke up and while my mom was serving me my usual breakfast i said to her:”mom,can i have some cereals? im craving them so bad and im so so hungry!!” she smiled a lot and said me :”of course!!! im so happy u asked me this!!” she can’t believe it😂😂!!!!
i ate a lot,more than what’s actually in the pictures!!!! i was so hungry but now im so so full and my belly hurts a lot but i enjoyed this so much even that my ed is so loud right now🤷🏽♀️ i have been restricting a lot this week and i think i have loose some weight but ,whatever, today is my “cheatday” (ok i will not cheat in all meals of course) but im with my family and i have to eat normal which i don’t do this all the rest of the week because im alone ....
🌻: thank you also for 0.5k!!!! i can’t believe it!!!! this was the little challenge for this of course!!!
⚠️tw:im feeling so bad right now :(
anyways i gonna be restricting all week so i think one meal or even two won’t get me gain...
#breakfast was a toasted tea cake with strawberry jam and some apple juice.
I woke up a bit late today but that doesn't mean I don't have a breakfast I even bucked what I'm use to and had a toasted tea cake instead of a bowl of cereal because I do not want to get use to having the same thing every day and be scared to have something different because that is not recovery.😀😁💪🏼
#nightsnack was a toasted tea cake with strawberry jam and a cup of tea with one sugar and milk.
Today has not been too bad today yes I've had a little slip up today but I've managed to get back on track and that is what matters getting back on track after falling of a little bit. Know I'm just going to chill and watch some movies with mum to keep myself distracted.😀😁😊
J’ai appris que le courage n’est pas l’absence de peur, mais la capacité de la vaincre.” N. Mandela
Hello à tous ! Me revoilà après une petit semaine ! J’espère que vous allez bien !
Moi ça va super ! Les cours on était hyper interessant même si assez compliquer car on rentre dans le vif du sujet avec L’ostéologie ! C’est assez compliquer mais en reprenant mes cours ça va mieux ! J’ai eu une journée entière de pratique palpatoire sur les chevaux c’était tellement bien ! Ce sont vraiment des études qui me plaise à fonds 😍😍 Seule petit point négatif c’est que je m’entends bien avec tout le monde mais j’au l’impressions de pas avoir vraiment d’amies à proprement parler, j’ai un peu l’impressions d’être la fille qu’on aime bien sans plus quoi mais bon après tout j’ai quand même des potes c’est le principale et au moins je me sens pas obliger du sortir tard le soir ! Je suis à jour dans mes fiche de révisons, même un peu en avance (ce qui fait que je me couche tard ah ah ) mais au moins le week-end j’ai casi rien à faire !
La semaine prochaine on attaque sur les chien et on revoit le comportementaliste équin j’ai hâte !
Enfin bref voilà ma semaine c’est plutôt bien passer ! Et vous les petits chat ?
Bonne soirée ! ❤️
If someone else told you your story form their perspective, how would you react?🤔
Would you tell them they didn’t deserve help?
Would you tell them they’re not sick enough?
Would you tell them to keep doing what they’re doing?
No you wouldn’t!
You would beg them to search for help and accept it!
You would beg them to fight and never give up!
You would assure them there is no “sick enough”!
So go ahead, push yourself in the right direction, fight for your life like you want others to fight for theirs💖
#dinner was something quick I had an eye test at 3.30 and never got home till 5.45 so I had a scotch pie with beans and chips. For after was a apple and a cereal bar.
I managed it all I am feeling so so full right now which is making me feel so guilty I feel like I have ate so much but I know it's ana telling me that I know the feeling of bloating and guilt will go away I just have to put up with it now I hope it goes away soon. Like I said if we have a bad snack or meal we can not let it carry on to the next meal we need to pick ourselves up and brush it of and start kicking anas ass again.😁😊😀
So we are in North Carolina now waiting to see Sofia. She’s not having a great week so I hope she is happy to see us and we can cheer her up, I haven’t been able to see her for several weeks (hurricane, puppies, school starting, etc) I just miss her so much 💔 this has been a very long 3 months with no real end in sight. I don’t talk about it here too much because it makes me anxious, depressed and upset & I feel so helpless in all of this.
Thanks for your continued support, thoughts and prayers 🙏🏻 . Here’s a video I took a few days ago... hello from the jersey crew ❤️🐾
#snack was @costacoffee I had a bonfire spiced latte and a ginger biscuit.
I managed it all without any arguments I can not let the badness carry on through the day we must pick ourselves up after we fall.😀😁☕