SUPPER: scampi and chips!!
⚠️ TW ⚠️ This isn’t really a recovery win, not really, I didn’t eat the chips and I missed my afternoon snack to compensate for the bigger meal. I didn’t have a starter or a pudding. Although I did try everyone else’s puddings. I exercised less than I usually do so that’s good but this is not the face of recovery - it’s fake recovery, recovery enough so my family doesn’t worry. I lied to them about my weight today - told them I was still in my target range. I’m only just under but my hatred for my body is back with a vengeance.... I’m slipping back and it feels comforting and reassuring - which it’s terrifying. I’m still letting my sister choose my meal tomorrow, and I’m going to keep fighting ... at this moment it’s difficult to remember my reason but seeing all your amazing reasons in my stories is really helping so thank you.
11 weeks. 11 weeks of battling a fight that has been mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting. It’s the hardest thing I have ever done. It has tested everything I believed in, trusted in, known, loved, respected and hated. Today is my last day in hospital. Tomorrow I am able to re join back into society. The thought terrifies me but I’m somewhat excited ☀️🙏🏻
[10|19|18 - 10|20|18]
Slacked a bit on posting due to some severe anxiety and future tripping, but I’m back and feeling better! First slide is last night’s dinner, and the snack choice that was added. As you can see I mostly only ate the pasta, as the chicken chunks were really dried out and the greens were over steamed. Life’s too short to eat food that doesn’t taste good, ya know? However, I didn’t make up the lack of calories consumed.
Next slide was today’s lunch, with no after slide, because I didn’t touch anything. That recovery meal was just really hard for me to wrap my head around, and so I acted out restrictive urges. I’m not proud of myself for it, but it happened. And I need to move on, ya know?
Currently eating dinner as we speak, which will be uploaded on a little while. It’s a sandwich with a side pasta dish and Canada Dry. Intimidated, but determined. I got this 🤞🏾💪🏾 ( #eatingdisorderrecovery#edrecovery#foodjournal#strongerthanyesterday#ednos#edwarrior#recovery#recoveryispossible#eatingdissorder#anarecovery#restricting#calories#igotthis )
Turkey burger with sweet potato fries o boy i havent had these fries in a WHILE.
sorry i don't post a lot, ive been eating most of my meals but during the weekend we b struggling. i hate being depressed and feeling upset. i still want to cope by using ed behaviors (I've been preventing most of them so far). never catch feelings children or set ur expectations anywhere ! u will be greatly disappointed in the end 😃👍🏻
Good afternoon, lovelies ♥️
I'm gonna be honest, it's been a bad few days. I'm desperately trying not to regress, but it's been hard. The second picture is a screenshot from a vent session to one of my friends today. And's he's right. Completely. My weight's not going to matter if I end up in a hospital bed. And no, I won't look good.
My weights been stagnant, but it's still low as hell. I still pace like crazy which I know has been holding me back as far as weight gain goes. Recovery isn't easy. I always feel like I take one step forward and then two steps back. I'm only happy because my weight hasn't been going down. But...the weight that I'm at now is pleasing ana.
And this whole recovery thing should really just be pissing her off, right?
Tea tea tea🌟 a weird lil combo but yummy!
It’s been weird the last few, I’ve realized ALOT about what I’ve been trying to keep away from my self, my mind and pretty much everyone else
But that’s a good step, it’s needed.
excuse the blurry pic!! IT WAS ME N MY BFS 6 MONTH YESTERDAY 🎉🎉 we went out to a nice ramen place! had chashu ramen for mains and shared a pumpkin croquette, tofu hot pot, and veggie gyozas between us ♡
ill literally take ANY opportunity to gush about him bc he is the LIGHT OF MY LIFE! but ill try n keep it short to not be annoying lol. im so grateful for him. i really am. hes an incredible human being and a wonderful boyfriend. hes gorgeous and smart and kind and loving. im so lucky to have him.
it was him who got me to start this journey to recovery and hes been with me every step of the way. hes always so understanding and patient with me. hes helped me put myself back together every time i fell apart and hes supported me endlessly. hes built my confidence significantly and i am so much braver with him by my side.
tldr: get urself a boyfriend like mine!! best decision ever.
heres to many more months together, love. ♡
I’ve been really obsessed with these milka cookies recently, eating more packs of them than I care to admit. I’m eating fine, but I just feel so bad about myself. I’m constantly worried I’m going to get fat, but I also want to enjoy all of the nice food. I don’t want to be fat, and I feel like if I do gain weight then people won’t treat me the same. I like not taking up space. But I also don’t care about my looks, and want to finally focus on my dreams. I don’t know... #anorexianervosarecovery#anarecovery#anorexiarecovery#milka#milkasensations#milkacookies#edrecovery
Dinner was spiced salmon and couscous with veggies followed by ice cream
Confession time: My mum's out this evening so I was making and eating dinner alone. She'd portioned out some couscous for me but I panicked and put some back before cooking... and now I'm not really properly full or satisfied 😳
Feeling disappointed, annoyed and guilty for letting the ED get the better of me (while trying to ignore the voice saying I'm greedy and should be feeling guilty for wishing I'd had more!). But I'm going to attempt to learn from this and hopefully I won't make the same mistake again.
Onwards and upwards for night snack!
Not bingeing but having a bit more than wanted, it’s all under control. I went for a walk and then I got suuuuper hunger pangs and gave in just a little bit. Sometimes you gotta do that to prevent bingeing.
Vöner (kind of vegan kebab) with baked potatoes and vegan mayo as a afternoon meal !!🌿
I have not tried 'vöner' ever before but today, after spending hours at hospital with grandmom (💛), mom and her sister/ my godmother (with whom we are staying at here) thought it would be nice to quickly pick up something to eat as it had been quite a while we had had eaten last time. So I faced the challenge and had this portion as a middle of the afternoon meal !!🌿🙌🏼 this definitely was the most hardest and the most challenging thing I have done for a long time, even though I have faced a LOT of fears lately, but I know I'm now one win stronger.
(And sorry about bad picture. Taking photos of my meals is not my number one priority at the moment and I just want to share bits and bobs of my recovery)
- Burger di verdure 🥦
- Patate 🥔 al forno
- Spinaci 🥦
- Pane 🥖 tostato
- Olio 🥄
-Nightsnack con latte 🥛 caldo schiumato con orzo ☕ e 1 e mezzo biscotto 🍪
oggi ho fatto un po' di shopping e ho preso cose bellissime.
domani è domenica yee😍
Notte tate 💜
Baked Potato w/ cheese and broccoli 🥔🧀🥦
Feeling very happy that last night was the final home game of the football season, meaning I don’t have to perform w/ dance anymore! There’s a lot of cattiness and negative energy with that group of girls, and it’s getting on my nerves. I’ve learned that I can’t let it affect me. I have to brace myself, and just let the toxicity roll on past me. It’s a lot easier to deal with drama when you let it go. If you’re trying to put other people down, um, bye. •
Stay strong 💪🏼✨
Alright let’s do this. One or two slip-up days don’t mean you gave up. Pick up where you left off and EAT. THE. FOOD. Breakfast was my normal and now I’m off to my friend’s yard sale and to see the boyfriend for a bit.. not sure what lunch will be yet but the world is my oyster! Happy Saturday!
I was reminiscing back to the day when I climbed Bath Abbey alone in my lunch break and I thought I’d post this photograph. I honestly had the nicest time and met some lovely tourists, it was just what I needed with the day I was having at work. All of us should spend time going somewhere alone, it forces you to interact and socialise with others. Time is so precious, it really is amazing what you can do in less that an hour. Take the risk, believe me when I say, it’s very rewarding, you will learn a lot about yourself. Who cares if people look at you strange? I went to work feeling like I had achieved something that day, looking back now, I can see I had.