I’m dedicating the rest of this week to this amazing warrior and spirit @explodedgalazy. I randomly messaged her a few years ago because I was interested in her story. This weekend she passed through and reminded me of what I love most about holding a camera, capturing a moment and time and learning as much as I can about how that moment came to be. Glamour content has taken me down some interesting paths and I will always prefer contemporary and milestone documentation. However, making myself vulnerable to what has come and gone has kept me young, motivated, and above all constantly learning. Salut!
BOOOOOOM NEXT SHOT OF MY MINI SHOOTING♡
So as I yesterday wrote about now standing completely financially on my own feet, I want to add that this also includes not being compulsive.
During my worst times with my mental illnesses I had such difficulties to spend money for me.
I used to buy the cheapest of the cheapest.
Or refused showering because I did not want to use water.
Or refused to cook because I did not want to use electricity and water to wash the dishes.
I even refused to shower because I did not want to use MY water.
I would not buy new clothes. Or anything.
I ran about with torn and dirty clothes. Refused to put them into the washing machine. Would use too much water and washing powder and electricity .
And THAT despite I earned such much money during my apprenticeship that I had so much more money then than I have now.
But back then I was controlled by demons.
No money in the world BRINGS YOU ANYTHING if you are controlled by mental illnesses!
Now, years later,earn less money but am mentally in a good place.
And I learned to spend money, to control my demons and to let go of that foolish and unhealthy way of thinking.
Don't get me wrong - it's absolutely good to save money.
But if it becomes a kind of compulsion like it did in my case... You need to change something.
One could also say that this denial of Everything was another way of mine to selfharm.
I still am working on me and this topic.
But I'm getting there.
I found a BALANCE which you SIMPLY NEED in your life!!
And I came so far after all the mental illness Crap I went through the past 8 years.