Sleep is uncomfortable. I can't sleep at all,there is never a night where I can get a full restful sleep. I never have any energy. My nights are sleep for 5 minutes up for 30 them fall back asleep, or sometimes there are nightmares...and I cant handle keep running on 5%..i wanna sleep..
I was trying to make a home of this place when I finally said yes. I didn’t choose him.
But you chose her.
Over and over you chose her.
It took me a good year and a half to get over you.
I spent months, waiting for you.
And when you wanted me, it was because she no longer wanted you.
So I don’t even feel sorry for choosing him when you wanted me.
Because I was just your fucking backup plan.
And sure, my relationship didn’t fucking happen the way I thought.
But neither did ours.
You said it was an accident, everything you said was true.
But nights like this, when I’m overflowing with anxiety, I can’t help but think that you are a fucking liar. You did it to hurt me. To get rid of me.
But what are you gonna do to defend yourself, huh?
You won’t even answer me.
I want to give up.
I don't see any hope or better ending or ways out anymore.
I am unemployed, too afraid to leave my house, have nobody and lost interest in everything I love doing.
Just recently, one of the greatest therapists I have ever had as well as a doctor all left, and I no longer have my psychiatrist.
I have no motivation to even wake up and take a shower or eat and every moment I feel unreal and need to overdose.
My health is terrible and I fear it is only going to continue as such with pain.
I have no family that is close to me and my partner is far away.
I am paranoid, have nightmares that tell me how the world is going to end, and even the voices and shadows are back.
For a while, things were going well...now nothing is.
I am angry, can never seem to not cry over everything and have no faith. I have no energy to meditate or help others much less talk...
I just want to die in my sleep.
I have had more relapses this past week and attempted suicide just recently and not told anyone about it because I already burden them enough by being here unsuccessfully.
I truly do not see where to go, or where to start. Frankly, I really don't care because it seems even the smallest happiness doesn't last anyways.
I am currently suicidal and want to badly hurt myself again...
I can't think or focus on anything.
I have no one.
I am done trying. I have nothing else to hope for and I am done lying to myself as stupidiously as I have.
I'm really sorry.
B i b b y B r e a d 🌹
🦊 #poetry ~🌹#emotional ~🌙 #vent ~💫 #memories ~🌹 #childhood ~🌙 #innocent ~💫 #comfort ~🌹 #soft ~🌙 #aesthetic ~💫 #pale ~🌹 #sweet ~🌙 #love ~💫 #recovery ~🌹 #pain ~🌙 #trauma ~💫 #ptsd ~🌹 #csa ~🌙 #anxiety ~💫 #depression ~🌹 #schizophernia ~🌙 #bpd ~💫 #suicide ~🌹 #selfharm ~🌙 #Dissociatidentity ~💫 #outofbodyexperinces ~🌹 #abuse ~🌙 #spirituality 🦊
" if i love you, was a promise "
Song ; ?
Youtuber ; Aphmau
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Follow my personal? -> @ecstasysabrina <3
To find out why do i have cc wm look in my story :)
Sherlock Gnomes is a good movie, but like most animated films nowadays, they gotta have the good guys treat the villain like a jerk! I know villains are evil and shouldn’t be easy to make friends with, but I’ve known a few TV shows where the villains turn good (the Pretty Cure series often does this, as sometimes, the new Cure will be a former villain), but most animated films these days tend to have this stupid cliche. This also happened to me with my opinion on George and Harold because they treated Professor Poopypants poorly until I watched the Netflix Captain Underpants series and saw how kind-hearted they were, and not the mean jerks I thought they were. If only I could see Sherlock and Watson in the same way...but what makes it worse is that Moriarty was not invited to the party at the end of the movie, and Sherlock used Moriarty’s death threat to tease him before pushing him towards the water. It also reminds me of how my mom said to me when I was a kid and acted naughty that I would never have any friends due to my behavior. #SherlockGnomes#Vent#Moriarty#MoriartythePieMascot
Why the fuck did I trust you?.... ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Follow me: @katshanxi for more edits and posts....
James ☠:I dream of dragging a fucking knife across your neck one day
Peter 🌻: we can get better. The best way to show him is becoming successful and happy
James ☠: fuck that I want his blood that would make me real fucking happy
Victoria 🖤: I just wish i didn't feel so fucking weak.
Xavier 💡: do you guys just oh I don't know shut up.
Host🌹:please stop fighting it's too loud and there's too much happening just someone front and stop already. -
♤ ik i was going for positive posts but this makes me mad???
♤ so my aunt(who isn't my favorite but that isn't important rn) likes to refer to white people as anything BUT just.. well, white people. so the other day, she uses the terms 'lily-whites' to talk about some white people who she doesn't like for some reason.. but then she sees me uncomfortable, LAUGHS, and proceeds to get in my face(about two inches apart, for visuals) while chanting 'lily-whites' repeatedly, knowing that im not comfortable.
♤ BUT HERE'S THE PART THAT GETS ME: she sees that im not laughing at her "joke", gets mad at ME and says im too uptight before leaving. she..got MAD... at me.. for not stooping to her level. Ok. -