I have been made aware that it is #FibroidsAwarenessMonth .
And here I am having to put my 2 cents.
I have fibroids. It sucks.
It feels like being crippled for a week or two out of every month. The pain is so excruciating that it leads to nausea, sickness, fainting, or crying. Clothes feel tight and even breathing feels uncomfortable... Hell, life in general gets uncomfortable.
Which then leads to the subject of treatment and health insurance-- I am so incredibly bummed after this past weekend. I no longer qualify for affordable insurance and have to wait until november to enroll and possibly pay over $450 a month for an insurance that will really not help until I meet an incredibly high deductible. Which means i probably will have to continue on without insurance until I get paid more... Or get a second job... It's so infuriating and depressing. I have to leave work early or not come at all during those periods of pain because otherwise I'll be passing out on my desk or crying silently while throwing up. I wish I could get some sort of treatment- but impossible because my previous insurance had me as male and were refusing to pay for my appointments/meds despite having copies of my birth certificate, IDs, and passport... And now i don't qualify for insurance... And we all know how expensive just one Specialist visit is.
I just want to roll under a rock and forget life exists.
Fuck Trump and fuck our stupid healthcare system that continuously messes people over that do need help.
Anyone going through similar situations? Any tips or advise? Any home remedies that could possibly help when the pain strikes? Thank you and sorry for the ramble.
Moon Cosmic Power, MED up.
It's normal to not feel quite magical some days... Right? Ok.
My general feelings for America since this administration took over.
It's getting quite scary... And I say this as an American, as a Latina, as a woman, as a person... Every day I get home my stomach turns while looking at all the headlines I missed while I was at work. Every weekend is just a heavy news-wise nowadays. I'm not blind to all the shitty stuff going on in my countries and the world in general, it's the reason why I make it a point of making my pages my own personal escape from those realities. It's draining.
However- this situation with immigrant kids being taken away from their parents keeps tugging at my heart and making my eyes tear up. It's so inhumane. It's scary. It's just so fucked up I cannot take it out of my head. No amount of distraction is making me forgetthere are thousands of kids missing their parents, missing love and contact.
Last month I had a very lovely experience in which, I feel, I learned a bit more about myself. Ever since I've been reflecting about my life and where I want to go, how I can continue moving on and forward and stop this feeling of being stuck- whether in life, routine... I'm not sure.
I also realized how little I know about dealing with feelings, how inpatient I am, and how I tend to be my worst enemy-- that I have to be kinder with myself and as understanding as I am with everyone else. I learned that for some reason I've been gravitating toward things that make me feel shitty... That's not me. I live smiling and I love making people around me smile.
After that I have been feeling a bit better about certain things. Some days are better than others. However, I am thrilled to be feeling myself once again. Happy to like my reflection in the mirror and to be back to enjoying my art. And THAT is the best feeling in the world- there's nothing that matches that feeling when you look at something you created with pride.
Today I realized that while I tend to get lost in my head and relive horrible experiences and feelings all over again the anger and sadness that remain do not hit me as hard anymore- that I feel more like myself these days and that brings me joy. I mean, I am not lost forever like for a while I thought I was.
So thank you to those who never gave up on me. I promise I'm here again. Thank you to those who were there for me even when i tried pushing everyone away. And thank you for not taking advantage or beating me when I felt down.
And since I don't know howto end this stream of consciousness I'll leave you with this: Good things are coming. Might be a bit slow at first, but they are.