I know it’s weird I will stop this account. I started this account but I don’t know why. But I realised I’m not happy as much as I pretended to be and lied to myself. I even believed I enjoyed what I did. But I realised more and more I wasn’t. As much as I tried to be a part, trying to be good enough what’s more showing me how pathetic it let me look like. I don’t know what I hoped with it. I thought I could bottle up my pain in this account. I forced myself just to be accepted and not being alone. Trying to fill the hole in my heart? Trying to believe it’s good what I do? Trying to kinda fool myself and bottling up myself. I thought I could push it over the edge, showing a good side and trying psychopathic to be good enough what’s stressing me out. I tried to show a light where I just created a lie of my own person. To be kind. Not being a worthless thing behind this account. I tried to make all happy, with everything even if I only lied to myself and lost already my way. I tried new way to come up. Trying to interact where I can prove myself but only hit myself in the face and the hole still was empty. My mentally health and depression is really messed up and I don’t know how to come out of this hole again and again and I’m trying to rush it away. All the hate, the rejection, the pain and so on. I wanted to stop this account but I always didn’t do because it felt always like a big mistake and disappointment. But it’s what doesn’t help. I will not delete it. Because I’m still thankful for one friend what’s still on my side even after many fights I caused to her and was hurting her. This account will freeze and I don’t know when I will start again. But it’s still open for everyone in need. I hope you not gonna hate me. Im not gone forever if maybe some are interested I just make a cut but i still will be here if someone needs me
Its official. I'm a married man! There will never ever be enough words to describe how happy I am. Thank you to my brother and his husband for everything you guys have done for us. Your support has meant everything to us. (Go follow theim, they are in there second year of residency at a hospital so they are hardly ever on, but they are amazing) thank you to my husband who I am so in love with. School starts back in three weeks and I'm going to go to a physical college no more online, ill be going to school with Xander 😍 the next two weeks we will be in Paris on our honeymoon, so we may not be on, but we will try. I will try to post new parts to the book as much as I can. Thank you guys for everything ~nate p.s I know this post wasn't about shadowhunters but that show has helped me through so much, it has helped me through my episodes and if I hadn't been able to get through those I wouldn't have been able to marry the love of my life, I might not even still be here. @freeform @netflix please please think about what you are doing, shadowhunters has helped me and so many other people.
Magnus unlocked the door and the two of them walked in the door closing behind them. “Sooo your mum knows” Magnus said biting his lip “yeah she knows” Alec said with a slight chuckle “is that a bad thing?” Alec asked concerned that he had done the wrong thing “NO no not at all that would never be a bad thing it’s just.. I’m so proud of you Alexander” Magnus said as he pulled Alec into a kiss “I would never of been able to do it without you Magnus...I love you” Alec had said this to Magnus before but for some reason this time felt different... better. Magnus smiled then replied “I love you to Alexander” “want to continue with me giving you your prize?” Alec said with a calm but very alluring tone. Magnus smirked and followed Alec up to his own room. Magnus shut the door as he entered his room as he turned around he felt his body being slammed against the closed door. Magnus gasped but it was cut off by Alec connecting their lips. Alec slid his hands down from Magnus’ collar to the bottom of his shit stopping just before it ends. He hesitates unsure if what he wanted to do was ok. Magnus sensed the hesitation and placed his hand on top of Alec’s reassuring him that what he wanted to do was ok. With any doubt he had removed he slid his cold pail fingers up Magnus’ shirt causing him to gasp into Alec’s mouth. He slowly removed the shirt revealing Magnus’ caramel skin. Alec broke the kiss to admire his boyfriends beautiful body before quickly kissing him again. -